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suzanne132

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Everything posted by suzanne132

  1. @Johnny I pray for you with all my heart and maybe as @Christielynnblog wrote above your wife's heart will hold your heart forever ... I've lost my parents most recently and two brothers by the time I was 19, I am sill stunned by my mother's death as I wrote elsewhere and it's been a while. Her final days and the aftermath, the ignorance and cruelty of family especially, shocked me to the marrow. I've since lost a carefree, happy-go-lucky nature -- my dear husband misses me, and I'm still here -- I am just not the same after three years. I always saw the best in people and the cruelty I witnessed after her death by family and friends seems to have changed my ability to see that there are still people who are real within and without. Slowly I am reaching out to those people, even though trust is so elusive now. But I see here authentic, sincere people who care. I wish you were my family, that gives me some joy and a laugh today. I wish you could all come over any time you felt alone and we could be friends in real life. Thanks for this beautiful thought Christielynn. Suzanne
  2. @KayC Just wanted to add that I read the rest of the posts here. I am beyond sad you lost your husband and recently your cherished best friend, your pup. So overwhelming to think of your grief and your incredible grit for being here for the rest of us. If I forgot to give you a bear hug and offer up my prayers for you and thanks for you, forgive me. You are amazing, kind and loving and this world needs more people like you.
  3. @KayC And I am sorry for yours; I thank you for your warm and wise reply. I see you've been very active here and also leading an admirable life (I envy you and thank you for showing me a way to live a better way. As life is now for me, I haven't a single dear friend left. After my mother was diagnosed, my family disappeared from my life and I was left with my husband I leaned on too much and who is now battle weary. I remember a time in my life when I did learn to be my own best friend, so your advice is well taken. I will try and try again to get through this. I think if I'd been surrounded by family and friends during our last years together, this all would be in the past. So I remind everyone: don't walk away when someone you know is struggling, don't turn your back. You may not know what to say or do, but often it's just knowing there is someone to reach out to when the ride gets bumpy. We need a more compassionate world these days. Bless you and peace, Suzanne132
  4. Dear Mark, Was so touched by what you wrote that I had to reply. My situation with my parents, so different, but I felt as you did -- in a state of grief before my mom actually and surprisingly died unrelated to her illness. It became hard to be near her because she was so different than the mother I'd known all my life, the one who I missed. Still we kept laughing together and she stayed tough. I feel great guilt and grief that I was not so tough. Often when we were together, I'd burst into tears, and worse, there were times I did not have the guts to be with her. Four years have passed almost and to this day I can say that although I am happy she's no longer in such ... depair, I remain in a state of self-hate for my inability to ever comfort her. Rather she comforted me. I'm sure this is note is hardly helpful but I do wish I could be there for you -- you who grieves before the real grieving begins. I have no words to console you. I know looking back I'd do anything to have been a daughter of comfort to my confused and lost mom. I wish you comfort and peace, I wish you'd wake up with the joy of knowing he's still here and the ability to rejoice in that. But honestly, I didn't have that inside myself, I only saw what I was losing, what she was losing, every single day. I've yet to reconcile myself to my failure to comfort a woman who'd lost two teenage sons when she was still young, then her beloved husband over many years. Forgive yourself for the pain you feel -- and I promise one day I'll forgive myself. Peace to you Mark, Suzanne_132
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