Hello all,
I first started reading and posting on this site 10 years ago when my mom died. Continued after my dad died 10 months later. Fast forward nine years and I’m back after my dear, sweet brother died of esophageal cancer. I believed that I was at the acceptance place of my parents death. I worked hard over the years and had accepted that their deaths were just a circle of life as my mother had told me many times growing up. But now, after my brothers death, I don’t know where I stand. My brother decided to be cremated and bought a niche where our parents rest. I hadn’t been there since my father died Nine years ago. I am not an overly dramatic person, but when I walked into the masalium, I was overcome with a wave of devastation that almost made my knees buckle. I could see my parents Cameo pictures staring at me clear across the room. I feel alone. My original family is all gone. I do have my own family – a loving supportive husband and two girls. But yet I feel alone. When our parents died, my brother and I had each other to talk to. Even if we had nothing to say, we knew that the other one was there if we needed to. I can always talk to my husband and I have and will continue But I can’t explain how I feel. They’re all gone. My brother and I were very close even though we lived on opposite sides of the country. We always tried to get together as much as possible but since his diagnosis we spent more time together. He came on my family vacation, we went to his house for Thanksgiving 2018, he came for my daughters high school graduation, and we saw each other just because. I will cherish all those memories.
My brother was 57 years old and full of life. It is a travesty that he doesn’t get to spend many more years, as he should have, enjoying life. I feel robbed that I won’t be able to hear his boisterous laugh, my kids have been robbed of their Favorite fun loving uncle, my husband has been robbed of the brother he never had and the world has been robbed of a sweet, compassionate, sensitive, funny, and so much more, person. I am crushed!!! I am angry!! I flew out to be with him for two weeks before he passed because we all knew there was nothing else that could be done. He joked with me on the day that I left, which is so typical. When I think of that moment, I chuckle and cry at the same time. He died the day after I left on October 15. Sometimes, I feel like I’m going crazy.
Thank you for listening.
Crushed