marjorie

I lost my mum in 23.6.19 . she was neglected in a nursing home and the social services have stated this in the conclusion. I am a nurse and was with mum for the 3months that she was thereby what has occurred but I did not realize that she would have died the way she did . she was treated worse than a dog these are the memories that I have for mum I cannot talk about the case in full as yet . I should have protected her but I failed to , she should not have gone there . she did not want to be there but I ignored and she sufferrd because of it . I was denied saying bye to her on the day she died. I am trying to cope . I have posttraumatic stress because of it , no longer want to work , no longer want to nurse . I feel so betrayed I have a husband and two children but I feel alone . I am trying to fight the cause to get justice but I believe what is the point . people think I am ok but I have to pretend I am when I am not. if she had died with dignity and no pain and it was natural death I would have accepted it . however because of the nature and what I saw it is very difficult to go pass this . I am exercising attending the counselling but this is all a cover up for me as I am in pain every day and have vivid memories of the torture she endured . how do I get past this point . living for me like this is taking its toll . the pain is too great sometimes . I do not know how much longer I can bear this feelings I have been insulted by everyone the police ,coroners, social services Cqc , CCG I have evidence but they choose to ignore this