I just recently put my cat down. Seems pretty mundane and you've probably heard the story a thousand times, but let me explain the consequences of my actions.
My buddy, my cat, was everything to me. My child to say the least. I would have given my right arm if I knew it would extend the life of my poor little budski (his nickname). He succumb to diabetes that literally just ripped his body apart.
Anyway, I had to make the decision to put him down being he reached the point where he was literally suffering. I was programmed to think that it was the humane thing to do.
Though that is probably correct, but what it did was make me realize that I had just killed the one thing that meant anything to me. I made the decision to kill my bud. He relied on me to make sure he was taken care of, to be fed, to have necessary medical attention, to have a safe environment. He trusted me to keep him safe. Knowing all of this, I still made the decision to kill him.
How do I deal with this? I'm supposed to understand that it was within his best interest, but he relied on me to keep him safe. To me the guilt is overwhelming. I see his food dishes, his litter box, the places he loved to lie in and it tears me apart.
How do you people deal with this type of grief? It's so powerful that it takes my breath away. Yes he was just a cat to most people, but in my eyes he was my son. Think about it. Who goes and euthenizes their son?
So that's my story. It's loaded with a bunch of rhetorical questions, but nevertheless, I guess I just needed to get it off of my chest.
