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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

K_H

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    1
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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    daughter
  • Date of Death
    NA
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    San Francisco, CA
  1. Thank you for your post, way back in 2011. I am 51-1/2 and still having periods, but starting to feel crazy from it as my cycle ranges from 23 days to 29 so I feel crappy and on edge probably half of every month. I addition, my stepmother of 30 years died suddenly in June of cancer, and my dad's health just collapsed afterward. So since then, I've been helping him, driving down to where he lives (4 hours away from me), staying at his house and driving two hours round-trip every day to see him in the nursing facility or hospital. Now he is dying, but wants to try rehab although he can't even sit up on his own. So that - dealing with his decline and the reality of his likely death in the next month? two months? - combined with my own emotions from perimenopause led me to google "perimenopause and parent death" because combined these issues are feeling overwhelming. I've already "lost" my mother to schizophrenia - she had a mental break 15 years ago, in her early 60s, and my brother and I had to hospitalize her four years ago, where she was diagnosed. My uncle, her brother, is schizophrenic. So I don't have her to help me. She was always a huge support for me. Now she thinks I'm a government spy disguised as her daughter, and she "won't be fooled." Thank god my dad's sister is still alive, she has been a lifeline for me, although she too has one foot on a banana peel (diabetes, heart disease, etc.). But I too have no children (just four cats). I am having to work full-time with many deadlines. I've used up all my vacation time already this year. I don't feel like my boyfriend of seven years has any clue as to what I'm feeling. He has been angry with me lately because he feels like I am putting him last in my life. So it's getting like I don't want to deal with him either anymore. We don't live together, he lives with his 20-year-old son, and he's building a house that is so tiny that I don't see where there would be any room for me, without my having to give up all my possessions. Which I maybe wouldn't mind, as another reaction I'm having to feeling overwhelmed by everything external and internal is to throw out everything I have and just live in a calm space with a couch and a bed and a table, like a monk. And my cats. I do love my kitties. Although they are a burden, too, as I have to coordinate pet-sitting when I'm gone. Anyway - your post of eight years ago, Miss Ngu, was very helpful for me to read now.
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