mirage-grc

its been 2 years and there are still times i cant stop crying thinking about him i had an other very painfull loss this year but cuddles will always be my fault that he died i really dont know if i will ever get over this...

i really hope we dont just live in a universe that takes whatever it wants and dosnt care and all this pain of existence has a point i dont want to watch the video cuz i will start crying uncontrollably again i need to calm down because i will hurt my self in the end and there are many other animals and my sick parents i need to take care of but my heart really wants you to be right about meeting them again i need to apologize to so many i have failed....

i have lost many pets in my life the pain i feel now is ubearable compare to any other time i just scream and cry he didnt want the medicine he was fighting me i should have not give it its like my cat knew he would not be able to swallow it he was the smartest cat i ever had he was cooperating with evrything he was always for the past 5 years next to me he could open windows and doors when i was closing my door and he wasnt in my room he was opening it and joining me in bed he was always cudly thus the name cudles i miss him so much i see him everywhere in my house i cant enter my room cuz i see his spots and i fall in to a crying screeming state i still cant eat or sleep i miss him so much so very much we had more things to give to each other i miss calling him and looking in to each others eyes with a mutual respect and trust.... i want him back so much... the past 2 weeks we where a bit apart cuz i was taking care 2 car striken kittens and i was keeping him away cuz i didnt know how would he react to them i was locking my door...i wasnt paying attention to him i only realized there was something wrong when i saw him not eating and in my panic i killed him wrong vet wrong treatment bad delivery of the treatment.... my little cudles...i killed u and i cant bare the pain u where my pillar of strength for so many years now u are gone... i am sorry this is becoming a public diery but this is what i want to speak i wanted to share my feelings with someone and this site is what i found this is the only thing i got to share me thank you for reading me....i hope for a world with no pain

my cat wasnt eating and i took him to a vet that was open not to my regular and we did an xray and a simple blood test that came out normal but the xray showed a lot of poop so we figured out that this was causing it he told me to w8 and all will be fine at home i was watching him in pain and suffer so i called my normal vet and asked what should i do he told me to give a mix of 5 ml parafin oli and 5 ml magnesia milk mixed together with a siringe in his mouth on the side i gave a very small dosage first day cuz i though he said 0.5 ml and he did poop a little but next morning was exactly as bad i w8ted till the aternoon and things where not going well he was getting worse so i called him again and he told me give a total of 10 ml 5+5 mixed and some water i asked if chicken soup was better he told me yes so i gave him some soup 5ml and after an hour the medicine after i saw him getting worse and worse so i took him to a hospital that was open with one person only working on xmas night we did a new xray and saw some liquid in his lungs we used some fluid injection through veins and he told me that in the morning they will do an antibiotics course but he died during mid day they called me later they told me it was from the fluids that got to his lungs when i gave him the medicine and soup i cant stop crying from yesterday i killed my friend if i had let things run their course he would have been fine this is killing me i cant stop screaming from the pain i feel i fall asleep for some moments and i wake up and feel the house empty i betraid his trust .... i just cant....