KathMarch

Thank you for your kind words, I’m more sorry about Arlie than I can say. My love of dogs was given to me like a gift from my father from a very young age. I believe Lucy is with my daddy in heaven, which is indeed a very lucky thing for her. He’s playing with her and watching out for her. And I know she’s loving him. I hope I’ll see her again. I hope she forgives my shortsightedness. Thank you for the article, I will read it. I’m still searching for something that makes sense of this. I feel so guilty but I didn’t even mention that my two precious kitties and my own sister were also killed in the blaze. Such destruction and death.. And I feel even more guilty that though I loved my sister immensely and of course Princess and Marley, the kitties, that I focus on Lucy’s loss above anything. I feel like it makes me a bad person. Princess was 19 and deserved to die safe and warm in my arms and Marley was 8 and such a sweet, silly boy. But who grieves so badly about a dog more than their sister? It shames me to my core and yet I can’t help it. But my heart is broken over that girl. I can’t help it. Her face was the last thing I saw before I got out. I am in therapy and a PTSD group, so far not much helps. I just have to ride it out Thank you for your kind words, I send you healing and peace.

I lost my Lucy, a four year old German Shepherd service dog on February 7, 2019. Almost 11 months ago. The night of the fire my daughter awoke me at 12:49 am screaming that there was a fire and we had to go. In my mind even though I was instantly awake was the thought, “Show me where that fire is, I’ll put it out!”. I came out of my room and Lucy tried to follow me as it was her “job”. I thought she’d be underfoot while I put it out so I told her to stay and closed her in the bedroom. The last image I have of her in my mind was confusion about why I wouldn’t let her come with. By the time I got three feet down the hallway I was completely engulfed in dark black choking smoke and was disoriented and couldn’t breathe. There was no going backwards and the fire was enormous. I don’t know how I got out safely. By the time the FD got there there was nothing anyone could do. The whole entire house was gone in a half an hour. Ashes. They later found Lucy hiding in the bathtub. If you had known Lucy you would know the bathtub was the last place she would voluntarily go unless she was terrified. All I can see is her scared to death, worries about where I was and waiting to die. The confusion about why she couldn’t follow me. I believe regardless of what well meaning people say all the time, that I killed her that night and I’ll never forgive myself. I will never have another dog. This has broken me. I don’t know how to recover from this. I really need a service dog for balance issues too but I’ll find another way. I miss my girl so much. She was more than a pet, she was my help and protector. She was my friend.