I buried my cat today. She was almost 3 years old. She didn't come back in after being outside Sunday night. She has never not come back at night, so my dad and I looked around for her. We didn't find her. She is a wild and adventurous cat so I figured she was chasing down an animal and maybe got lost. I left her bed and litter outside. She still didn't come back the second day. Yesterday, I looked around my neighborhood again. I didn't find her so I decided to hop in my car to go print flyers. As I was pulling out, I saw something under my next door neighbor's car. I looked harder and knew it was her. It didn't even occur to me that she could be dead. She slept under my car sometimes. I ran over and looked under to call her and realized she wasn't alive. I screamed at the top of my lungs and my neighbor came out. He wrapped her for me. I held her. She was already rigored. I screamed and cried the whole day.
I adopted Sasha 2.5 years ago. She was just a baby. I was in my junior year of college, highly depressed, and didn't have a will to live anymore. My therapist recommended a cat. I had always loved cats. I went through a local shelter. She was the first cat I met and I was in love. She was the friendliest and most affectionate cat I have ever met. I sometimes had parties at my apartment and she was go up to every person and say hi. When I moved back in with my parents, she started to go outside. She'd climb trees and run around our big yard. She would talk to birds. She slept with me every night for 2+ years and woke me up with cuddles every single morning. We napped together and watched TV together. She was my everything.
I haven't eaten or slept since I found her. How can my baby cat be dead? She was so lively and amazing. I know it's only been 2 days but I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. My parents have been crying with me.
What hurts me so much is not knowing how it happened. I found her under a car but she didn't look like she was hit or run over at all. I am an EMT so I did a trauma exam and found nothing on the outside. She was just a baby - seemingly healthy. I blame myself for not taking her to the vet more often.
I don't know when this will get better. It doesn't seem like it will. I loved her so much. I haven't stopped thinking about it. I recently lost my uncle and aunt. That seems like nothing compared to this. I googled local support groups, but I am hurting so much right now.
We buried her in my backyard with flowers and her favorite toys. I screamed and cried and pet and held her for one last time. I cannot believe my baby is gone.
If anyone has any tips for early on grieving, please send them my way. Thank you all in advance.