Hi Yoyoma,
My name is Diana. Bare with me, as this is my first time on a support site. My mom, Emma, died in June 2019. She was 87.
And I think to live to 87 years old is a nice, long life. And yet, in the first few months after her death I kept thinking she should have lived longer!
But in reality, I just wasn't ready to let her go. I am holding on to her in spirit, and wish I had had more time with her. Leading to this thought... Would there ever have been a good or better time for my mom to pass away? And that answer is no. No... never. Most of us feel we really "need" our moms. The person that has known us best... the person that was always there for us...the person that believed in us - - and also the person you could tell almost anything to. Such a strong and loving support in our lives...such an unconditional love. And I loved her back big time. In her older years I supported her. I moved her to be closer to us. I did her shopping, i took her to the doctors & dentist appts., I cooked extra food to take over to her... and I enjoyed her wonderful company in return. We had really become so much closer than ever before. 4 years of having her 15 minutes away. It was wonderful.
I'm at the 8, almost 9 month mark since her passing. And I wanted to say I have those same feelings of guilt when I forget about her for a short time, but then there are times when I am relieved of the grieving and it is just that - a relief of that weight of sadness. I know in time I will have longer spans when I am not so sad. And that will be good. It will not mean that I am forgetting her. It will not mean that I do not long for her company again. It will not mean that I don't love her any less than I always have. It will just be different. I am sure I will always miss her... I just hope my heart doesn't hurt as much as it does now...and that my eyes don't fill with tears so often.
And as I type those words my heart just aches.
I just miss her physically being here. Her words of wisdom...her sweet patience... he love of life and the simplest things... her perfume...her smile...her laugh...her hugs. I know she would be chiding me to not be so sad... She'd probably be saying "think of the good times together". I am my sweet Momma. I'm doing my best Mom.
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I hope my words have helped you in some way?
