On Sunday we made the gut wrenching decisions to put our beloved French bulldog to sleep. I am left with feeling such strong waves of guilt and regret. I was a business owner and now a stay at home mom so he was by my side everyday, he was only just shy of 8 years old. Over the last year he has had neurological issues he had paralysis of the right side of his face he couldn’t blink his eye, he was treated for middle and innermost ear infections but medicines didn’t work and he strained to open his mouth on the one side all the way. But he was the happiest go with the flow dog, who just wanted to be with us, and playing and rolling in the grass, he still had joy. Come Friday I noticed he wet the bed which is extremely unlike him, Saturday he could barely stand up without falling over, and when trying to walk he’d be lopsided. Sunday he again peed on the blanket he was sleeping on throwing up and unable to stand, we brought him to the ER and ended up saying goodbye after discussing if there were other options. Doctor thinks it as likely he had a mass or tumor, putting him through the ringer of tests, scans, meds, no surgery didn’t seem fair, but now i wish more than anything I did. During everything I kept second guessing myself and just wish more than anything I scooped him off the table and brought him home. He was too young, he was outside rolling in the grass days prior, it all happened too fast. I’m left with such an emptiness and guilt that I should have done more or tried harder. It’s only been a few days and I miss him terribly. I don’t really know what I need from posting this I’m just really struggling.
