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Dre'

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About Dre'

  • Rank
    Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    husband
  • Date of Death
    28/12/2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    south Africa

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  1. It sucks that some couples need to be reminded that they should be more appreciative of their partner, when here we are serving as the examples or poster children of "what you never want to happen to you"..... I am 39, not sure if that is the contributing factor that warranted unsolicited senseless and inappropriate advise....like "ohhh you're young" or "you will see.....you won't be like this for too long....in a few years you may even be married again"...... yes you're reading accurately.... I know my husband from the age of 14. We made a conscious decision to be together and share our
  2. Hi All, Everything you say rings true and holds logic...... the pain is paralyzing. All the things for me to do on this longggggg way we have to go the kids and I. I have heard a lot of people who try to sum up this grief thing saying stuff like we are all born alone and we don't need another person to affirm who we are and we are missing how that person made us feel and that is why we feel broken, and incapable of moving forward. I have to say that this has to be the most clueless summation I have ever heard. Grief isn't about being self absorbed, being hurt from
  3. Dear Gwenivere...... I didn't want to be the total pessimist by being realistic. This grief is here to stay....whether it changes along the way it never leaves..... no justification will ever suffice or offer solace even if every God descended to earth to sit each one of us down and explained it all... we would never be satisfied or whole again. The question is how far can we go with this new broken person we are? Yes people who have not experienced this say very dumb things and I already have grown tired of telling myself that they mean well...... surely on some level th
  4. Dear Jim, Sorry that you are in such turmoil and that you aren't able to move forward or through this. I know how lonely it gets especially if the two of you have lived for each other....powered by each other. It does along with that special someone when they leave us. It is day 95 for my kids and I and it is truly not getting any easier or any lighter. It is not true that time lessens this heartache even though 95 days may seem like minutes compared to the rest of you guys it still feels like eternity multiplied by the depths of infinity ...... I know that it takes
  5. Dear Jim..... A broken heart indeed. I know that everyone grieves differently and our experiences are all unique, but I can honestly say I know how you feel. We simply can't be fixed, there is no prayer or mantra or tablet or vaccine to cure what we have. That isn't a pessimistic view it's just the truth and reality of our reality.....I have never been good or comfortable with fibbing......nor have I ever had to convince myself that I can get through the hour and hopefully the next day too..... not sure that this heavy feeling could ever be lifted only because my love for my h
  6. Dearest Kayc....☺️ I am hanging on for dear life....but can't help but wonder WHY?....? Am I a sucker for punishment or just in "autopilot" right now and being overwhelmed is my constant state of mind and being......meaning I don't know how to react...... I often feel that those memories and all that love is more hurtful than anything else....the goodness of it is the very thing that tears the kids and I up into microscopic pieces.....over and over again..... does that make sense???? That those memories only make us cry cause we know we can never have them again....and don't e
  7. I know that feeling of feeling like this is the end...or at least the beginning of the end.....I must also say that before my husband passed I never really had a feeling like that.....I was a real contender and always trying to spread hope..... Now I am in hiding and feel like the earth could split at any moment and swallow the kids and I.... I am sorry to hear that your health is deteriorating. I hope you at least have meds to offer relief for your condition.... Even sorrier that you lost your "Lancelot".... I wish I had pearls of wisdom to impart but I am into this day 89 now
  8. Hi there, Writing is my passion and I have done a lot of content writing and that type of thing and was working on quite an amazing piece a book actually. This situation I find myself in has just made anything I deemed good come to a screeching halt. Yes I definitely meant to write that my husband is my past and was my future because if you think about it everyone who has lost a partner is struggling with this very concept. People say find new dreams etc..... it's so sad to release or replace our dreams simply because life happened. Yes it's the circle of life but from
  9. When the day is done and I have completed my usual chores plus the added ones of my husband.... and when the dreaded night rears it's ugly head, I can't believe that I made it through the day. The truth is I never forget how I am hurting or as soon as I drop my son off at school I sob and sometimes howl all the way home, just the thought of my husband not seeing that day destroys me. I get gome cry until I am exhausted the get out of my car and start the routine with the 3 year old who is awake by this time. I can't really say that keeping busy helps because I am busing all day lon
  10. It just blows my mind that this is my kids and my reality...... sucks!!!!! And you are soooo right just getting out of bed and getting through an hour which turns into a day and now 87 days is a miracle in itself!!!! Take care!
  11. Hello, Yes very true. I get it ....the stronger and more equipped I am the better care I can give them. Easier said than done.....I am trying to do my best though it may not be enough and it also makes no sense or point to want to be anything from here on out. Sorry for the melancholy but it all feels so pointless.....but I will keep standing. Thank you for the links they are helpful.... Beeeeg hugs
  12. Thank you Gwenivere, I know the pain never leaves and is ever constant. I am sorry that your trauma was drawn out for years and ended with the awful result despite all you had already been through. Yes we are alone with grief and how it makes us feel and it is unique to everyone, but it does change.....My kids are so innocent and say things like if the only way they can be with their dad is to go to God then that's what they want. I said when God wants them he will take them but in the meantime we should be grateful for what we have. The 3 yr old wants to go to go to a forest to find pois
  13. it definitely is an ongoing process. it's too overwhelming to absorb in a day or maybe even in a decade..... one day at a time I guess......
  14. thank you. this does help as well as I don't have to explain myself.....
  15. Thank you for your time. You only understand a situation if you have experienced it. Glad to know there are people out there who get it. Some people are so insensitive in their approach and offensive. Yes grief is a sea....not something you can overcome and some days may not be as bad as others but the ebbs and flows keep tossing and I am rendered powerless and just go with the tide and not fight it. Just keeps getting worse and more real. Morbid feeling....it's also horrific to know that there are so many other people who feel like I do..... I guess no justification will ever satisfy me as to
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