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Jey

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Everything posted by Jey

  1. I would like to thank everyone who responded to my post. Everyday seems different right now. I do firmly believe that writing helps me to get my feelings and emotions out. I am glad that I found this site. I appreciate the feedback and I will continue to read about grief and write about it here and in a journal so I can heal. I am finding that I can talk to one sister and not so much to the other. When I spoke to my younger sister yesterday, she gave me some perspective about the dynamics of my family. The sister that died was the middle child of five. I have an older brother and sister and then there is my younger sister and I. So my younger sister said that my middle sister was a bridge between the older siblings and us. I think she is right. When we were younger it seemed that anything that went wrong in the house was blamed on "one of the three little ones" so when I spoke to my older sister and she was remembering things about Joanne (sister who died) I was getting a little defensive. I guess I didn't like the memory she was sharing. I just wanted to get off the phone. I have decided that until I can process some of my feelings more, I am going to refrain from talking to people who may bring my anger to the surface. I think this is a better way to handle the anger from all of this. This way I don't say something that I may regret later. I just need some time to myself, to reflect on the relationship I had with Joanne. Thanks
  2. I'm not sure what to write. I feel very lost and I need to get out of my head. We are all quarantined and it didn't seem to work for my sister. She was living in an assisted living place and had been battling for 4 years with stage 4 cancer and she was doing ok with immuno therapy. I was so worried about her in the place she was living and she ended up getting the virus and within 5 days she was gone. I couldn't see her. I couldn't say good bye. I feel awful that she was alone with no family to sit with her in the hospital. I miss her and at the same time it doesn't feel like any of this is real. I feel like I am in an alternate reality. She was cremated this morning, I found this out from my other sister. I don't even want to talk to other family members right now cause I am so angry at the injustice of this whole thing. I think about her all day and hope and pray that she is really in a better place. The worst part beyond losing my sister is that my family can not get together. It feels so wrong. I did a memorial for my sister and invited my family on Zoom to be a part of it, but it wasn't the same as being at my sisters side so she wasn't alone as she left this world and then honoring her memory with other family and sharing stories. It is all very unreal. -Trying to cope
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