So grateful I found this website as I have been reading through a lot of posts, however I haven't seen too much about being the 'dumper' after a loss.
We have known each other for over 3 years and have been in a relationship on/off. We always seem to come back together for whatever reason, and when we are together it's amazing. The chemistry we have is incredible and each time we see each other the feelings get stronger and stronger. We were seeing each other again and decided to make a real go of it this time. The future was spoken about and how we both have grown and wanted this time to be it- no going back kind of talk. However, his closest and oldest friend passed away suddenly and as per the other posts on here, the distancing started to happen. We were messaging and did the occasional phone call (nothing like before) however there was no plans to meet again. The romance literally died between us and I went from feeling on cloud 9 to down in the dumps. The major part other than the grieving is he does suffer depression, so I understood his loss would have impacted his mental health severely. However surprisingly, he was still very much carrying on his life as normal but was never involving me. I would find he would be visiting his friends for hours, going out to his job or online chatting away. Yet when I messaged or called him he would avoid responding or not even read my messages for hours on end even though being active. I was trying to be really supportive and gave him the space he needed and told him I'm always there when and if he needed to talk. He was thankful but understandably I was last on the priority list right now, but I also found it frustrating that others around him got his attention throughout the day but me.
Weeks passed and because I wasn't hearing anything from him (yet he's still being fairly active day to day and on social media) I did ask the question whether it was worth me holding on for now and whether his feelings towards me have changed? I personally wanted to know this for my own sanity, as sitting in limbo waiting for some sign or response was driving me crazy. He said that he felt the same as before about me but since the loss felt empty and needed time. He has always been very open about his feelings but after that conversation nothing changed (they actually got worse) and all I wanted was some reassurance to stick around. If he could see his friends and carry on as normal like he was, why would he not see me? Looking back I do feel now I was being quite selfish but I also felt my own mind and feelings were affecting my day to day life and started feeling very down. I truly missed him and still do, but honestly felt like he was avoiding me and purposely pushing me away, so after a long phone call I decided to end whatever we had. I did ask him if this is what he wanted and he said no but agreed to end it without much hesitation. I did feel as though he was waiting for me to pull the plug as much as he 'didn't want it' - but he's one of those people who doesn't like to disappoint so allowed me to do the ending for him. I left the conversation leaving the ball in his court as though I was leaving that window of hope open to contact me again when ready. After reading this site I feel like that wont ever happen?
Did I jump the gun and end it or would it of ended anyway? I do have trust issues when it comes to men from previous experiences but the thought of another women taking his interest also popped into my mind as to why he avoided me. Was it just the grieving and depression or was it more? Has anyone else felt this way and thought of other reasons behind it other than the obvious?
We still have all ties in place, nothing as changed in regards to that and left things quite friendly, but everyday is a battle of what if... should I of just waited?
