Hello! new member here. I realised I need some sort of a grief group where I can just talk because I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I don’t what else to do. So I would like to share how I lost my grandad.
On 28th of March, I called 999 because my grandpa who lived alone in London was experiencing covid symptoms; shortness of breath, severe coughing and even fainted. For his age, he had no underlying health conditions and was healthy. Two hours later the ambulance still hadn't arrived so I called back and they said they were stretched but were coming... It was the next day that they finally arrived and, in the midst of a pandemic, diagnosed my grandfather's symptoms as a chest infection. They left him but told me that I shouldn't visit during social distancing. A week later (next Saturday, 4th of April) we had to call 999 again because my grandpa lost his appetite (another main Covid-19 symptom) and he was so weak he couldn't speak. The ambulance arrived and diagnosed him with Covid-19 and took him to a hospital. They left an 85 year old man alone for a week after misdiagnosing him despite him having nearly all the Covid-19 symptoms and when he was in the hospital, he tested positive for Covid-19.
3 days later and we spent half our time on the phone to the hospital for updates on his condition until we received a call at night that he is not going to make it and we should visit him. Mum wanted to come down but was told “3 hour drive from Leeds (city in North England) might be too late for it” and then the doctor started crying and hung up the phone. So I needed to get to the hospital without any family members with me.
After a 40 min Uber, upon arrival at the hospital there wasn't a single receptionist or anyone to help in sight. After 20 minutes of running around in circles fearing I wouldn't find my way to my grandpa before he died, I made my way into the Covid-19 ward. Everyone looked as if I shouldn't be there but no one came to help until I started yelling "hello, hello" at the empty reception desk. When a nurse came over and asked why I was here and said I shouldn't be here, looking blankly when I said I had received a call to say goodbye to my grandpa.
While the nurse was questioning who called me, another nurse walked past and heard me say my grandpa's name and said he is fine. But when I asked "is he dying or not?!?", no one could tell me. Eventually, a nurse took me to my grandpa’s ward to find out what was going on and instructed me to put on some PPE. As I stood there crying, trying to put on my gloves and thinking this would be the last time I see him, the nurse turned to me and said "Hurry up, I have better things to do."
I was taken into the Covid-19 Ward and sat next to my grandpa until a doctor came over and said "I don't know who called you or why but he is critical yet stable and you should leave"... I was ushered back out the ward with again not another person in sight and left to handle my own PPE and all of the soap dispensers were empty..
Later that night when we recieved a call at 23:45. I expected the worst and didn’t want to answer but it is as a call to say he seems better. Why call at that time when we are in bed to say that? More false hope and misjudgement as the next day, unfortunately my grandpa passed away... I had to self isolate for 14 days after being with him on the Covid-19 Ward. Until the funeral which was on the 27th of April, and mum could come down, I was all alone.
I was really close to my grandpa and I think he deserved so much better. He was the best grandpa anyone could ever asked for. I love him and will miss him so much.
Now I’m in Leeds with my family but we are struggling. And seeing my mum and brother also cry and their down moments is making me more upset. I’m unintentionally pushing my boyfriend away as I can’t even have the motivation to talk or be happy. I’m angry and sad and lonely. I’m working during the day or try to do things to put my mind off things but everything is just so hard.