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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Liza

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  • Posts

    1
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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    CA
  • Date of Death
    May 17, 2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    MedVet

Profile Information

  • Location (city, state)
    Mandeville, LA
  1. I just lost my cat three days ago when I accidentally hit him with my car. I was coming home and didn't see him when I pulled in - only when I got out of the car I saw him in a pool of blood, coming out of his face, even one of his eyes had blood coming out of it. As soon as I saw him I knew that even though he was still alive, I had essentially killed him. I looked into his eyes and he looked so confused and hurt, and it's still so hard to accept that it was because of my carelessness. I was on the phone with my mom when it happened, and I can't remember if I was distracted and didn't look out for him, or if he ran in front of my car. I keep re-playing it, trying to put the events back together, but I can't remember what I saw or didn't see when I pulled in, and it hurts so much. I'm always on bluetooth, never use the phone otherwise, and I always pay special attention to this cat because he would lay in our driveway and wouldn't move out of the way. I always knew this, but this time I didn't see him until after I got out the car. I didn't run him over because he wasn't squished, just hit... which means maybe he wasn't in the driveway when I pulled in, but possibly ran into my car. I just can't remember and it's killing me, I have migraines for 3 days trying to get my brain to remember and crying. I just hope that he can forgive me for hurting him and taking his life. It took me about 20 minutes to be able to put him in a box to take him to the vet, and when we got there, it was another 20 or so minutes before he got the injection that put him to sleep forever. I was holding his paw while he took his last breath and his heart beat for the last time, and I talked to him to make sure he knows I was there, but I know he was hurt and scared and confused and I don't know if it comforted him at all or if he died completely terrified. We buried him in the back yard, which was his favorite place. He was a little stray cat my friend found, and I ended up taking him in when we couldn't find a shelter that wouldn't have killed him. He was so happy every day that he had a home and a family, 3 cat friends, and a best friend (my dog), and he loved to snuggle and purr and spend time with us. This was the first place he ever felt safe and loved, and I feel like I betrayed him. I hope he can forgive me and knows that he was loved :(
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