Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Dogmom

Contributor
  • Posts

    26
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Phoenix, AZ

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    mom
  • Date of Death
    04/02/2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Hi all. Those days of special significance are especially hard, but truly every single day is hard. I still cry at some point every single day, and it has been nearly 1 year and 4 months since I no longer had my little Roxie to hold. I think we all have a "special something" within us that made us such loving pet parents, and that same "special something" has made it especially hard for us to endure this heartbreaking journey. I do take some solace knowing I am not in this life journey alone, but it is a very lonely path...
  2. Today it is 1 year since my sweet, sweet little Roxie was no longer with me. I miss her every single day, as I will the rest of my life. She was my special little baby and I was so fortunate to have her in my life for 15 years. Yet no amount of time would have been long enough. I never wanted to live life without her. She was, and still is such a big part of me and our lives together. She was SO loving. She would snuggle in my arm or on my lap and give me infinite kisses. She was happy to do whatever I was doing. She loved to lay outside in the sun, go on a walk in my arms, play with her tiny yellow tennis ball, lay in her blanketed beds, go for a car rides on my lap even on long trips, eat salmon stick treats, wait for that last bite of what I was eating while sitting at my feet, eat cinnamon toast tidbits in her bed, play with her stuffed bunny, watch her buddies Zoe, Dora, and Milo, visit with GiGi and Boppop and Erin and Liana, and Shawn, go on plane trips in her blue "under the seat" travel bag, bark at other dogs or the doorbell, lift her little right leg to pee, investigate her back yard, wear her purple harness on walks, eat peanut butter off the spoon, paw at my leg to be picked up, wag her little tail when I came home from work, give me endless licks, but mostly she loved me and I loved her and I always will. She was the joy in my life and her absence breaks my heart. If only I could turn back time. In a response to another member, Marty mentioned a poem by Nessa Rapoport: Undo it, take it back, make every day the previous one until I am returned to the day before the one that made you gone. Or set me on an airplane traveling west, crossing the date line again and again, losing this day, then that, until the day of loss still lies ahead, and you are here instead of sorrow. If only I could make this happen... It is unfathomable to me that a year has passed. That last day is burned into my being forever. If only I could take it back. I dread the noon hour today. It is a marker that my brain cannot forget. I miss you so much my sweet Roxie, my best friend and soulmate. You will be with me in my heart and soul forever... Sending you endless kisses, Mommy
  3. Oh Frankie... you have me in tears. This is a beautiful tribute to Coco. You are so good with your words and talented at writing poems. I love this picture of Coco at the beach. Did he like to go in the water? I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. It’s been 7 months for me without Roxie. Still crying every day. I think I always will... there’s so much sadness in my heart. I wish I could give you a hug. I know we both very much miss our babies and could use an understanding hug. I’m hoping life brings you some happy moments to help soften your pain and lighten the darkness. hugs, Michele
  4. I am sooooo sorry to hear that you lost your sweet Westley last night. When you've had someone you love for nearly your whole life, it's truly impossible to imagine that they are no longer physically with you. Everything around you is a reminder of them because they were so much a part of your daily life. Those feelings of disbelief, numbness, sorrow, and immense heartbreak are what we first feel and are very normal. Those of us that have loved greatly, mourn greatly. Crying is very much a part of it. It's ok to talk to others about how you are feeling and this site is a nurturing, safe place to reach out. There are so many helpful resources for you. Know that you are not alone as we all understand your sadness. Sending virtual hugs... and thank you for posting Westley's picture - he was a very handsome boy!
  5. You are all so articulate and comforting in your responses, and you truly understand the depth of our bonds with our loved ones and the resultant emotional distress living with their loss. Thank you for the kind words, love, and virtual hugs. It means so much! If it wasn't for this forum, I would have no one to "talk to" about how I feel. It is my safe zone, and your words really do make a difference. πŸ’— Thank you Marty and Kay for the helpful articles...
  6. Reading all of your comments reminds me why I keep coming back... they are spot on and remind me that I am not alone. It's like you all are reading my mind. It's been 6 months and I still cry every day, I still think of Roxie so many times through the day and I miss her so much. I may have a couple of "better days," but then so easily I go right back to where I was 6 months ago and every day since then. Last week was especially bad. I too love my other dog, Zoe, with all my heart, and thankfully she has been here for me through the grief of losing Roxie, my Dad, early retirement, and living with the effects of the pandemic. I am not sure I would be here myself if I didn't have her. But Roxie was my soulmate of 15 years and it is not the same. I too want this year to be over with and yet the passage of time means more time has passed from having our loved ones. I don't want to cry all the time, but I am afraid that if I don't cry, that it means that I am not thinking about her as often, and that then I am betraying her memory. I know this is a normal grief process, but I don't feel like I can stop it. I am missing my Dad as well and sadly feel like I haven't been able to fully grieve his passing because Roxie left me just 3 weeks later. I guess that instead of wanting this year to be over with, I wish we could go back in time and change everything that happened this year (and 2019 for you Kay). I have attached a picture of Roxie from Oct 13, 2019, nearly I year ago. We are all in this nightmare together... I am thankful that have each other, although I feel horrible for the reason. Know that my empathy spills over for all of us, and I hope that someday the nightmare will be over... ❀️ Michele
  7. Mine too, and it feels like it will never be any different... grief and guilt going hand in hand...
  8. For me, I think the mornings are the worst. I wake up knowing that I have another day ahead of me without having my little Roxie beside me, and the reminder that I will never see her again. I took early retirement in June, and so I have a lot of free time "stuck" at home. I find myself replaying her last 2 days over and over in my head. Those 2 "bad" days are so fresh in my mind and I still cry when I remember them. Maybe less than before, but it's still every day. Tomorrow it will be 21 weeks... I miss her so much... This has been the worst 5 months of my life. 😒 Hoping that all of you are finding some moments of healing. We so desperately need them...
  9. Kayc, I have been thinking about you this past week and especially today. We mark the loss of our beloved time first by days, then weeks, then months, then years. But we miss them and love them no less. It is 20 weeks for me this week. I still cry every day missing my Roxie... You are in my thoughts today Kayc. I know how much you are missing your Arlie. Even though we are not there to sit by you or give you a hug, we are there with you in spirit and in understanding. We truly care and share your sorrow. Michele
  10. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your best friend, Chief. There are no words that can lessen the intense pain we feel when we lose someone so close. It is a special bond we have. Chief was there for you when you went through a difficult time, and you were there for him during his last moments. How comforting it must have been for Chief to be in your arms and to have you tell him that it was okay, and that you would always be there for him. That was a precious gift you gave to him. Do you have any pictures that you could post? We all understand what you are going through and are here to offer support. I lost my precious Roxie 18 weeks ago today. She was 15 years old and we were soooo bonded. We had been through so many life adventures and challenges together. I still can't belief that she is gone and I still cry everyday. It has been the worst 18 weeks of my life. I know that time will soften the pain, but I also know that it will take a very long time for me. She was such a big part of my life. Please know that I am truly sorry for your loss. Michele
  11. Such adoring eyes, showing so much love for you. I know you are missing Coco more than anything in the world, your feelings are well expressed in your poem. I can relate to every line. I am soooo sorry... Thank you for sharing this photo, Coco has such a sweet face. It's obvious you both loved each other so very much! πŸ’•πŸ’• Hang in there... take it one day at a time... that's all we can handle right now... πŸ’”πŸ˜­
  12. Thank you Alex. I am truly sorry about your loss as well. It is such a shock when they leave us so suddenly and unexpectedly, no matter their age. You are in my thoughts and I am sending you a virtual hug. I know it's not the same thing as hugging your precious baby, but it is filled with understanding and comfort. Take care of yourself.. Kayc, you are also in my thoughts as I know it is coming up on 1 year that you lost Arli... Sending you a hug too... πŸ’• Michele
  13. Well it's been 16 weeks today. There is a huge hole in my heart and I miss her more than words can say. I still can't believe she is no longer with me in life. She was the sweetest 4# chihuahua you could ever meet. She just loved to be held. She even gave "kisses" to strangers. She was not your typical chihuahua, she truly was special. We had 15 years together, but it was not enough... Our time together ended too quickly. I never imagined living without her but here I am having to do just that. It is the hardest loss I've ever had and it's going to take a long time to not be so sad nearly every minute of every day. She was such a big part of my life. I was lucky to have her and will forever mourn her passing. I love you my little Roxie. You will be forever in my heart.πŸ• β€οΈπŸ˜’πŸ’”
  14. Awww, what a cutie! Love his eyes! Chocolate labs are just so adorable, at any age. I am sure that yesterday was a rough day. I am hoping today is a better day for you. 🌺
  15. Thinking of you this weekend Frankie. Knowing it is an especially hard day today. I believe that Coco hears the birthday wishes coming from you and knows how much you are missing him. It sounds like you celebrated his birthdays in style! πŸŽ‚ He looks adorable in this picture πŸ•ΆοΈ. I read the 1st Kate McGahan book last night. Cried most of the way through it. Will start book #2 today. Thank you for suggesting them. I bought all three. Our lives are forever changed. I am trying to grasp the concept that even when our loved ones are not here, our love keeps them with us. It's a hard concept to accept. Hang in there today, and tomorrow, and every day thereafter. You are not alone in your feelings. We will love them forever and wherever they are now, they will love us forever. We were so fortunate to have them in our lives, even if only for a short while... πŸ˜­πŸ’” Sending you a virtual hug across the ocean today... Michele
×
×
  • Create New...