Hi RedPanda99, I do not have answers to your questions from your post. What I can say is the questions and statements that you make are the same exact questions I have and statements I make to myself everyday since I lost my Dad 3 months ago. Obviously, this doesn't help except to say and show us that others feel the exact same way we do and are going through the same thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When I read your post, I can see the recurring thoughts I have about what kind of future is there, my loss of identity, missed milestones and how now they've lost the joy without my Dad. You say 20 more years, I exclaim 30 more years. The thoughts about depression, it's all there with me as well, and to the same degree. We do feel trapped and life feels pointless ... but let's hope ... and see if we can find the answers together. Even by posting maybe we're helping others who feel the same way and happen to stumble upon this post, read it, and feel they are not alone in how they feel. Also, there's a lot of ideas being posted by others that may help us and others as well. Please do reach out if you want to discuss, you're not alone.