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Smpl0409

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  • Content Count

    17
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About Smpl0409

  • Rank
    Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Boyfriend
  • Date of Death
    09/07/2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Mexico

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  1. I know they didn't have any bad feelings towards me telling me that but That was exactly what I thought : what did I do wrong? And It is something that I still think about, I deal with a lot of regret and I am working on it but It is very difficult when you were with that person in his last moments and could not do anything to save him. I have always been very patient and caring but lately I am super irritable and careless, I know is part of grief, I just don't want to hurt anyone. By the way, great article, thank you. I just read it and this phrases shocked me: a lot of people told me this: • You must have really needed to learn about letting go. • I hear loss like this makes you really appreciate the little things - it makes you stronger, too. • I wonder if you made an agreement in a past life that you would learn about this stuff together. Or maybe you did something bad in a past life. Or maybe he did. • Think of how much nicer you'll be, now that you know how much pain people can be in. You've been on that side now, so you know. • Well, everyone needs to learn how to be less attached. That's what all those Eastern teachings say. We're all too "attached." I just thought to myself: really, the supposed "lesson" at his and my expense, does it really matter? I am grateful that I actually met the love of my life but just to heartbroken that I never even got to achieve our dreams together.
  2. Exactly, I always considered myself a great friend, I was there for them through thick and thin and now I find myself with very few people that actually care enough to stand by me even If I refuse to accept their help. People tell me that I have to take this as a lesson from God, but I find myself lost, why did I have to go through this to learn something, he was the love of my life, he didn't deserve it. But I have found myself stronger because after this, what else can go wrong, there is nothing worse than this. Thank you so much for the articles ❤️
  3. I feel exactly like that, my loss was sudden, one minute we were hugging and the next, he was gone, I didn't have any warning and that image will always haunt me. I am 20 years old and I always wonder how am I gonna be able to live like this for so long, I actually don't think I will be able, everyday seems so difficult and I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I am so sorry for your loss, every action that does not involve him anymore seems impossible, but I know that this routine will eventually get better.
  4. I really am grateful for God giving me the chance to meet my soulmate, and even though we did not have a lot of time, many can't even find them, so I have to hold on to what made me happy at that time. Recently, I have felt really alone, I miss him so much everyday but I just feel like I changed so much because of this, that people don't want to even talk to me, I'am scared.
  5. I agree totally with what you are saying, I feel like everyone has moved on and I am just surviving but I have to hold on to the idea that I will see him when my time comes. I won't lie, I get really frustrated when people say this that you just made reference to: "Loss to death in young adults is treated as a sad break-up", I have lost great friendship because I found out they treated this like I was going through a casual heartbreak. I had friends with whom I went out every weekend that have never talked to me in almost 10 months and I just think to myself: "Is my friendship that meaningless and when things get rough, they disappear?" but I have learnt to start to think about what is healthy for me. People thinking this is something you just get up from is awful and I just don't see myself recovering from this but having weird friendships makes it even more painful. I am very grateful from this site because I can express myself. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine being 30 and losing someone you love, every age makes grief different and that has to be very difficult to deal with. I congratulate you for sticking around and sharing your story.
  6. I never thought that I would go through something like this and I just was not prepared at all, one moment I was hugging him and the next, he was gone. Even though we were young, we had already planned on getting married and having kids and he was definitely my soulmate. It is incredibly lonely life without him, no amount of friends and family can replace him but I know I have to be empathic and know that this is difficult for them too. Thank you.
  7. Thank you so much for accepting me and guiding me.
  8. I won't lie, I get really hurt when people tell me that just because we were not married or I am too young, that it means it does not hurt but I have learned to ignore and do what he would want me to do, keep trying to get better. I can't find people my age that have gone through this, and people get awkward when they are around me because they don't know what to do or say, I can sense it right from the beginning of the conversation. This forum has really really helped me because I don't feel pressured or judged, I feel free to tell my story and I know it is helping me heal. I feel really alone, I live with my parents but my siblings don't live here anymore, my friends have been wonderful in all of this but my insecurities sometimes get the best of me and I get the feeling they just don't know what to do.
  9. I know that it is a long journey and I have to be patient, I am grateful of the people that I have helped me, friends, family and his family and I don't know where I would be without them. But, I find myself getting a lot of pressure getting better and moving on but I am learning to ignore it because I just want to be with him.
  10. The "firsts withouts" has been the hardest but I think I have to stop expecting a lot from the second year. I have been taking antidepressants which have helped me a lot, I am scared of what will happen when I stop taking them.
  11. I have been told and that the first year is the hardest, I just hope it gets better and that I have to work on the guilt to begin accepting his death. Since I was young, I was always afraid of losing someone I loved and It happened and I just feel I have to learn from this and live in the moment. Thank you so much for the book and your advice.
  12. I know people would like to be with me and I want to honor him, I'm just scared of my reaction. I guess I have to start living day by day and think about it when it's time. Thank you so much for your help, I will remind you, I would love your help to cope with it.
  13. I am scared of feeling everything far away and being forced to remember with such pain still. I have a strong way to guide my actions with what I've been through and people often tell me this will be a lesson for life but I just feel I gets harder and hard. I like the analogy, I really hope those edges get less sharp and that time helps me to heal.
  14. Our feelings are really strong and I know they are something I have to let go to let go my guilt and It is something I work everyday to forget. Thank you so much for your help with these articles and beautiful words.
  15. It still feels like yesterday that this happened and I find myself scared of the anniversary coming up, It will feel like reliving it. I know I have a lot to work on, getting rid of the guilt and not being so hard on myself. Thank you for your words.
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