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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Race Car Gal

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  • Posts

    2
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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Daughter
  • Date of Death
    12/22/2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Gulfport, MS
  1. My Dad passed away about a year and a half ago from pancreatic cancer. My parents were married for 38 years at the time of his death. Mom had a tough time at first. She had her good days and bad days. But then she started to get better with dealing with his passing about a year or so later....I'm the middle child of three girls. We all dealt with his passing differently, as most siblings would. Both of my sisters weren't as emotional as I was. I took it the hardest, I still do actually. They talk about Dad but would never like I do. It seems that my Mom hasn't said much about him lately either that I think about it now....Well about 3 months ago, Mom said that she was "talking/dating" someone. She told us that it was my Dad's best friend and that it was casual and not very serious. We were all OK with that considering who he was and that my Dad always admired him and always spoke highly of him. He had also just lost his wife in January from cancer. So we figured they were grieving together and had been talking....I don't know that I've ever met my Dad's best friend. He's always been traveling for the military but I don't remember him from my childhood. A few weeks later, my younger sister also told us that their relationship was more serious than what Mom initially said. That they were already saying "I Love You" and those sort of things. But then Mom came back and said it wasn't serious again. Very wishy washy. So 2 weeks ago my younger sister tells both of us that Mom had been keeping a secret from us and she wanted to tell us. That Mom is moving to FL to live with the BF and they're getting married. Honestly, I wasn't mad just shocked. My older sister felt the same. She didn't really understand the rush to move and get married. However, my younger sister was very upset. She told me on a Friday and I never heard a word from my Mom until late Monday evening. She text me with this long rant of how I needed to accept everything, be happy for her, that I already told both sisters I didn't want her dating at all, that she was happy, she said she tried talking to me (which she did not), that she knew I was mad (which I wasn't), that she didn't like the fact that I don't talk to her about the BF, that everything wasn't that serious. It seemed like she was being very defensive and I have no idea why. I was mad at this point because it came out of nowhere and it was not what I was expecting her to say. That she has this idea in her head without even attempting to talk to me. It really hurt my feelings. I just told her to go and be happy and I went to bed. I text her the following morning telling her that I wasn't mad but I wasn't going be OK right away and that she needed to respect my feelings towards everything. I also told her I didn't feel comfortable talking about her boyfriend with her. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't want to RIGHT NOW. She tells my younger sister everything, so I guess she thinks I need to be the same way. I've never been one to communicate very well (Thanks Dad) and she knows that....Skip a few days later, Mom was out of town visiting said BF and the little sister said she was going by her house to check on her dogs. I took advantage of the situation and asked her to grab some items that I left there and I'd pick them up from her. Mom text me again a few minutes after I spoke with my sister with a similar message. I guess she felt is was necessary to send the same message to me again and be completely rude. My little sister has told her on several occasion, within a 4 day time frame, to just give me time and she just doesn't want to. Mom wants everything to be rainbows and sunshine but I'm not ready for that. I'm happy that she's happy but I'm just having a hard time thinking that she's doing all this for the right reasons. I really don't think the BF knows my Mom as well as he thinks he does. Same with her. I keep thinking that if she would've have came to the 3 of us and talked about it like adults, the whole situation would be very different. I don't think she even considered our feelings, much less her grandchildren's feelings. Which is what I worry about the most. I'll get over it sooner or later. I know I will. It takes time and I don't think she's understanding that. But my son and my nephews are going to have the hardest time once they figure out that Grammy isn't just down the road anymore.
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