FirTrees

Thank you very much for your reply kayc and your links which you have posted. I will try and read them when I can. The thing is I don't really know what her wishes are. It's true at the beginning, when I messaged a few times a bit too frantically (I had no idea what had happened, whether she was seriously hurt, had been attacked etc.) she told me she appreciated my concern, but not to worry and she was fine, and that I should live my life. But then after that, I slowed/calmed down, she does respond to a lot of messages, I would say around 75%. She doesn't mention why she doesn't respond to some and I don't push her. But for example, we messaged on Christmas, New Year, when I went on holiday in February quite normally (if brief. it almost seems like it wears her out to reply, and often it will take her a day to respond back). At one point she admitted the past year had been so hard (but again wouldn't say that she is grieving). She will never respond if I start the message by asking how she is though, neither to messages expressing my support. I don't know if that means she doesn't want to talk about it or is not ready to. Her personality is private and she is quite self-conscious. It's only the last 4 months she has not responded. You mentioned the 6 month mark being hard, which would coincide. And of course, the current coronavirus situation. I am concerned that this has seriously affected her, given she lives alone and will be working at home alone too. I had a quick look at 1 or 2 of the articles you posted. A lot of the advice seems to be along the lines of e.g. 'Show up. Say something. Do something.' Also, I don't know if you read that article I posted, 'Give Grieving Friends Breathing Room, but Stick Around' the poster also responds to a comment saying it is better to keep communication, infrequently, even if they don't respond. Which makes it sound like I should not totally cut contact and stop messaging. It's difficult to know what to do. I am very sorry to read about your situation too. I don't know if the romantic angle will affect my case as well (she knows I like her, but we've never even met). I don't want her to feel any pressure, that she has to give anything to me.

(I'm new here so I hope this is the right section). I met a woman through an online dating service some time ago. For other reasons, she was actually not ready to have a relationship (and we never met in person). But we stayed talking regularly (every few days) after that, just about our lives etc. for months/years. 9 months ago, she lost her mum and suddenly she stopped talking. The thing is she never told me she lost her mum, she stopped replying, and I found out only accidentally (and she doesn't know that I know). At first I was so worried, but a month or so later she eventually replied telling me she was fine, she appreciated it, but not to worry, and that I needed to live my life. After that I only message her occasionally. Some times she replies, some times she doesn't. Lately I only message every month, or two months. I try to keep it light-hearted, no pressure to reply, while at the same time including a standard short message that I hope she's ok. There now has been a long period where she hasn't responded at all (4 months) and I don't know whether I should keep messaging every so often or not. I've tried to read about different people's experience of grieving, and articles about helping those you know who are grieving. Unfortunately, most of the advice is what to say or do to your friend and not what to do if they can't talk. A lot of things I read are the other way round, i.e. grieving people upset people are not speaking to them. I did read this, https://tealashes.com/2014/02/10/give_grieving_friends_breathing_room_but_stick_around/ and the comments, which were really interesting. Is this something that other grieving people can relate to? Because this seems to suggest that I should continue, and just that my friend is too overwhelmed right now. I guess my question is what I should do in this situation. But also, for those who grieving, particularly their mum, it would be good to hear your perspective on my friend. And also, how were you feeling each month after your loss? For example, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 etc months after? I realise grief is so different for everyone but it would be good to understand more what my friend is going through. I am a M (26) and she is F (28).