Sara7

Hi, jc1030. My mother died at the end of June. I stayed with my father for the last 3 months of her being sick. My father is almost completely blind. Helpless without my mom. I couldn't look at the pictures of her on the walls. It was too hard. Now, I am able to. But I still feel myself hardening myself so that I don't get emotional. But it doesn't kill me anymore to see her face. It was a beautiful face and was always carrying a smile. Now I am able to feel thankful of the happy memories I had with her, when looking at pictures. Grief is a journey and one with many different stages. It never gets easy but becomes something we can manage to carry, with time. I have suffered more loss since losing my mom. My dad was a recovering addict and has fallen off the wagon. I had planned to stay and be with him for a couple of months. But I had to escape suddenly with my daughter. He has a bad temper when he drinks and he got violent. I tried so hard to make him stop drinking. Cried on my knees and begged him to not do this to me and my daughter. He is all we have now. But he chose pills and alcohol. So now I can't even go back to the home my mom created for us. Where I feel her presence and feel like everything will be ok. I didn't get to bring any pictures with me. I kind of feel like I have lost everything. I can't go back while he is like this. It brings back too many painful memories and feelings of not feeling safe and afraid, that I have spent my whole life recovering from. I just can't. I had to walk away and I will never look back if he doesn't get help. Didn't mean to get so depressing. It's just so easy to speak your mind with someone that is grieving as well. You don't have to speak as if everything will be ok so that the people that asked, can feel better and walk away from you not feeling bad. I'm having a bad day. I should not have replied today, but I wish you well. I had many days breaking down. It gets further between each time, until it's not breakdowns anymore, just intense nostalgia and love for that person that can never be replaced♡

Thank you Kayc ❤ I was very nervous about it, but I actually had a nice day. I even did a good job at hosting - which I have never done before without my mom's assistance. My sister sent me a very expensive gift. She must have felt bad. Our relationship has changed. It is still early but I feel it very clearly. It is strange. I hope things get better. I'm sorry you had that experience. Your husband sounds like an amazing man. I hope I'll find someone one day to make a big deal about my birthday 😊 You seem like such a lovely woman. Your husband must be proud of you from heaven. I hope your birthdays have been better since then. You deserve that 😊

My birthday is tomorrow. 3 weeks since my mom passed away. Mine is the first in our family since it happened. I kind of wish we could just ignore it this year... I am staying in my childhood home. Taking care of my father. He is almost completely blind. It has been nice to be with family and the home I grew up in. Where all of my favorite memories with my mom took place 🤍 I felt okay about it today. I decided to take my daughter to our favorite café here and then bake a cake. A few of our relatives are coming. Most live far away - I am not a very good hostess like my mom was. She was the star everywhere she went - Then my sister said that she was coming. I was extremely excited, because I was not expecting it. She has dealt with her loss in her way. She kind of disappeared after. I respected it and took care of things so that she could take care of herself. Besides my dad is not her dad. Her father died when she was 1 year old. Losing our mom was extremely hard on her. She is the oldest and felt like she wanted to take care of my mom like our mom always took care of us. We have been concerned about my mom's health for a while. Never expected this though. But then she said that she wasn't coming after all. I was extremely disappointed. Kind of angry to be honest. Her husband had invited her somewhere. But I could really use my family close on this difficult day. I don't know. I kind of feel alone. Like I didn't just lose my mom. I lost my brother and sister too. Because without my mom, they have no reason to come here (my brother lives in another country). They both have their own families. I just have my daughter and now the responsibility of my dad. I'm the youngest. They are 12 and 17 years older than me. I am not very emotionally stable and it angers me that people are so inconsiderate. I struggle with anger sometimes. I never show it. I just feel it inside of me. Making me unhappy. This is a difficult day. I keep missing my mom. No one makes better cakes than her. I then get upset with myself that I didn't ask her to teach me how to do it myself. She was always very good at consoling me and giving really wise advice when I had disagreements with family members. She always stayed out of it but offered so much emotional support. I miss you, mommy ❤️ help me on this day. Get me through it ❤️

Thank you, that was beautiful ❤ It brings me a lot of comfort to know that it will get better with the pictures. I was thinking that I don't have a photo of my mom in my apartment, that I really wanted to... but it would hurt too bad to see my mom's smile every day and know that I'll never get to see it again. One day, I will look at her smiling face on a beautiful photo - my mom was known for her beauty - every day and smile back and feel her presence. Maybe like a morning ritual. I look forward to that 😊💛

Thank you, Kayc ❤ I think I didn't know where to look and just tried whatever I could find. But even just reading what others say, knowing that we are many connected by the grief we are experiencing, helps me. I get choked up and teary eyed everytime I come on here, but I think it is needed. I am not good at doing that on my own. Here, it feels safe and okay. I'm not bothering anyone because somehow by grieving ourselves, we can help carry other people's grief. I don't feel so alone. I feel better about revealing all the layers of my grief slowly, and just feel it until it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

I went to upload a profile picture here. I had to scroll through all of my photos to find one. Seeing my mom in all of these pictures, where I have so many wonderful memories... it was painful. I don't know why but I have a hard time looking at pictures of her. My coping mechanism has been to accept accept accept. I find myself turning away when I see her on a picture on the wall or anything like that. She was just here a few weeks ago, vibrant and energetic just like in the pictures. What is my life to be without her. It pains me to think about💔

Thank you very much 🙏❤

Hello. My name is Sara. I lost my mother to a brain hemorrhage almost 3 weeks ago. I'm a little bit scared to open up... I have been looking for a support kind of thing online for a few days and usually no one replies and I end up deleting my account. But I keep trying. My mother was amazing. The family is divided without her and I'm using all of my energy in trying to stay strong for my daughter. I'm a single mom. Got her when I was 19 and the father was not in the picture. My mother was everything to us. If I allow myself to truly grasp the extent of my loss I will break down. I hope I can come here and be open and honest about how I feel. Because it is difficult. Around my family I am careful because I don't want to upset them or trigger them. With my friends - who are very supportive - it's still not my true emotions and thoughts, because they would not know what to say. There is nothing they can say or do. So I put on an act around then. The feelings are too intense. It would not be fair to them. So I hope this is a safe place ❤ Thanks for listening. Sara