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  1. My father's dad passed away very young, when my dad was a teenager. It pained him that his father wasn't able to know his grandchildren. But, as the granddaughter of the grandfather I never met, I can tell you I think about him often. (Particularly now, given I do believe my dad has reunited with his father after 60 years). My dad enjoyed telling us stories about his parents and grandparents. To the point that I felt I got to know them in their best light, through the eyes of someone who idolized them. It didn't take away the fact that I was sad I never got to meet my grandfather. But, I stil
  2. It's been 6 weeks since my dad passed away and I still haven't cried over it. I've had some tears and sad moments. But, every day I get out of bed and do the day. (Not always productively) When I told my sister our dad had died, she let out this heartbroken keen. My brother broke down at the funeral. But, me... I put my hands up and feel emotion, none of which ends with me crying. Initially I thought it just felt too surreal for me to recognize he was gone. But, the weight of his death, while my brain acknowledges it to be true, hasn't really hit me yet and I wonder if it ever will. And perhap
  3. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult struggle, Breanna. I wish I could give you some magic phrase that would make it easier, but I haven't found one. What helps for me (at least in the moment) is lots of writing, drawing, and talking with a therapist. For my brother, he's found solace in cycling (something my dad really enjoyed). For my mom, it's cooking one of my dad's favorite meals every Sunday (because she enjoyed cooking for my dad). Your relationship with your grandmother was yours alone and no one else but you can share the impact she had on you and the world. Figuring out h
  4. Hi Breanna - I'm a bit on the old side (40s), so I have experienced the loss of all my grandparents and last month my dad. While I learned a lot with their passings (still trying to work through my dad's death), I personally can't guide you on the loss of such an important person at a young age. But, my dad could and he was the most important person in my life. He lost his father and both of his grandparents (all people he was exceptionally close to) when he was around your age, just starting his adult life. He relied on the strength of his mother and his own insight to determine his best path
  5. Thank you Kay. My other grandfather was ... to put it nicely... a bit of a grump. And my dad was always aware that his father would have been a terrific grandpa, too! I am sorry that I never got to meet him. But, I do have my dad's memories to live vicariously through (and a few old, silent home movies). It also gives me some comfort that my dad is with his parents again. He hadn't seen his father in over 60 years. I wrote something in my journal last week that still rings pretty true to me. My dad loved me and I loved him and now I have to carry all that love around for both of us. It
  6. There's no beginning to this post. If you've watched The Good Place, it will be a bit "Jeremy Beremy," but I'll try to be as straightforward as I can. My entire life has been ruled by what I "should" do, how to do things, say things the right way. Coupled with a healthy dose of consistent depressive disorder, I've been treading water most of my life to remain functional and independent, which I've been successful at. Good job, good house, a cat that mostly likes me. However, treading water doesn't lead to fulfilling or satisfying relationships with others and it doesn't lend itself to dreaming
  7. I lost my dad a month ago (your original post is very close to the date). It was sudden and without warning. He also had symptoms a few days before he died that potentially could have saved his life. But he downplayed them and I honestly believe that he was just optimistic and thought everything would be fine, because he had no health issues. I'm older than you and my dad was in his late 70s. Given that his father died at 55 and his grandfather was 65, I know I should feel fortunate. I just feel sad. There is so much I haven't yet accomplished that I wish he could be here for (or help guide me
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