Catherin

@kayc thank you so much, I've been reading lots of other posts today and they have helped me a lot. I don't know how it's so comforting that strangers are going through similar feelings but it is. Thank you

Just over a year ago my grandad had a stroke. Throughout my life I’ve had a special love for him like nobody else. He’s eccentric and interesting and funny and clever and weird. I loved telling people about him and I wish everyone could meet him. Since his stroke we as a family have done everything we can to help his recovery, this is difficult as he and my grandma live abroad. The house has been adapted and nurses and physiotherapists employed to visit him multiple times daily. Due to Covid-19 his progress stalled and he regressed back to how he was immediately after the stroke. My grandma is 87 and has not been able to cope for a long time. Their relationship has been strained for decades and becoming a full time carer overnight has not improved things. She hasn’t stopped since his stroke and hasn’t done a single nice thing for herself. She was sociable before but hasn’t attended any outings since he got sick. We made the difficult decision to move my grandad into a residencial home 2 weeks ago, for both his and my grandma’s sake. He’s settling in well for the most part but is generally very negative about everything (the stroke has made him this way). A few days before he went into the home my grandma got sick and ended up in hospital for an emergency operation on her intestine. She isn’t recovering as they would like her to. I find myself all of the sudden facing the possibility that she may not recover, and if she does, I realise that she may not have long left anyway. I’m lucky enough to have never had to deal with a death before but this means I have absolutely no idea how to cope. How can they just not be here anymore? I won’t be able to call and speak to them, share memories together, update them on my life and have them be proud of me. I don’t know what to do with these feelings.