My 13 year old dog died this past Sunday. I feel devastated. She was the best friend and companion I could have hoped for. I can't stop thinking about her. My wife and kids would go to sleep I would stay up late and she would always sit next to me watching tv, I'd talk to her often take her for a late night walk and she'd follow me to bed. My sons were small when we we got her and they are in college now, she was waiting by the front door when we brought my daughter home from the hospital when she was born, She was the best. I feel this void.Up until 6 weeks ago she was pretty active for an elderly dog, she would go on long walks with us she would play and bark at delivery drivers. Then all of a sudden she started losing weight. She was still eating, Vet said not to worry. Then maybe a month ago she had what vet thinks was a stroke. She seemed to get a little better, just more tired, Then one day on a walk my daughter said her body is skinny but her check is chubby. The side of her face looked swollen and underneath, she had a scratch, Vet gave anti inflammatory and antibiotic cream and swelling went down. She seemed more tired, laid around more and did not want to walk more,but was still eating and drinking, then she started making gagging noises, mostly after she ate. She had a bad odor and we had to bath her more often. I called vet again and they said that it sounded like she was at then end of her life, she was not in pain and they said they could do invasive tests to get a diagnosis but taking her age and size into consideration, it could speed up her death. For a few days she did not eat much, and was very lethargic. Then she woke up ad ate a lot and seemed back to her old self. The next day she only drank, but barely ate, she would walk go to the bathroom and then lay down we would carry her in. She had a hard time jumping on the couch or chairs. By last Thursday she was no longer eating and would wander around the house, Friday she laid around most of the day and would not eat.she went out twice urinated walked a few steps and laid down. We carried her in and laid her in a a chair with pillows and she pretty much stayed there all day. In the morning she walked to get water. then did not even want to drink.Saturday she was in the same spot. I walked her and she was only able to walk just out the front door, she urinated and I carried her in, she was not in pain and would still wag her tail slowly, We gave her a sponge bath, that she seemed to enjoy and had pillows under her and blankets. She was breathing and responsive, we brought her water and she drank a lot, although she would not eat, I hoped she was getting better. I stayed up till 3:30 AM with her and pet her and talked to her. She would look at me and wag her tail slowly. I fell asleep on the couch and when i woke up around 945, i saw that she had moved from the chair to a recliner she sometimes liked to sleep in. I thought She is better, she had enough strength to move.I go in the other room and my wife and kids are crying I said what's wrong? They said Ellie is dead. I said no she is not she moved to the recliner, Then i ran to the other room knelt by the recliner and realized she had died.I feel bad. I think could I have done more? Why did I fall asleep i could have been holding her when she passed. How and when did she move? I can't believe i thought she was just resting. I feel such a sadness and sense of lose, I cried the other day walking by the dog food isle. I keep looking for her. We are waiting to get her ashes back I don't know if that will help or not.I feel so lost, I am trying to be strong for my kids but as i sit here alone on the couch and she is not next to me it hurts.
