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GMS

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  1. GMS

    I'm sorry J

    @Ztyu123 I definitely understand your grief. I lost two cats in the last two years to cancer and it was very painful to see the decline and being helpless to do anything. My Marble was only 8 lbs at the end. He was over 11 lbs at his peak. I would have done anything and paid any amount of money to make him better. I hope things get better for you and do encourage you to find another animal friend. I only lost Marble a few days ago but might adopt another cat this weekend. Not because I don't miss Marble, but because Leon (my other cat) and myself miss him so much and need something to help fill that void. I think of it as doing a good deed in his honor. Rescuing a cat who doesn't have a home and making them happy. It feels weird at first. When I got Leon after my amazing cat Mango died I thought I made a big mistake, but soon leave to love Leon and accept him for the sweet cat that he is. Regards, Gregg
  2. Here are some pics of Marble. Two are with his brother Mango who passed away. I watched a video I recorded of the first day I let Mango out of the room to meet Marble. Marble followed him around for the whole 10 minutes I recorded just sniffing his butt. He was just fascinated, but he loved Mango from the first day he saw him. One pic is with his brother Leon who I wish he had gotten more quality time with. The first few months Marble would run up and down the halls with him. But he had several illnesses and after a while didn't play as much. He still was happy to have Leon around. I may adopt a new cat this weekend from the rescue I got Leon from. I know it's very soon after Marble's passing but I know having another cat in the house will be a help to both myself and to Leon. We both miss Marble. I know Leon looks for him and I would like him to have company when I'm at work.
  3. Thank you Novi. It has been difficult and I've gone through a lot of emotions. I would have done anything to give him more quality years. I was watching some videos of him yesterday. When I got Leon about 1 1/2 years ago Marble had so much fun running back and forth playing with him. He had some okay days but really stopped playing quite a few months ago. I'm sure he wasn't comfortable. I feel guilty for not recognizing how sick he was sooner, guilty for not being able to be by his side when he went, and even for thinking about getting another cat while he was still around. I know these are all normal feelings. But overall it just sucks going home to a quieter house.
  4. Sadly the surgeon called me from the OR and said the cancer was quite bad. I knew when he called me it wasn't good. After talking to him I made the decision to not wake Marble up from surgery. It would have been a very poor quality of life. I knew there was a reasonable chance this would happen but I so wanted it to be something treatable that would have given him more quality time with me. When he called me my heart sank immediately. His presence in this house will be so missed. I have two holes in my heart the last couple of years between Mango and now Marble. My family and even some of the people at work have been very helpful the last few days but I know I still have a lot of tears to shed as it all starts to sink in. Thank you for having this board here to share my feelings and for your support.
  5. Thanks for the kind words. He is in surgery now. 😥 Hoping he pulls through and I can have some more quality time with him.
  6. Hi all, I was on this board to grieve a few years ago when my sweet kitty Mango passed away from cancer. He was by far the pet I had the biggest bond with and it was a very difficult time for me. Now his 'brother' Marble, who turned 14 two months ago is sick. He's gone through a rough time the last few years. Had pancreatitis shortly after Mango passed. Last year he had to have all his teeth removed due to an autoimmune reaction causing sores in his mouth. About a week ago I realized he was having trouble going to the bathroom. Brought him to the vet and they found he had a mass in his abdomen as well as some intestinal swelling. They removed the poop manually but now a week later and he can't go again. So he will probably have surgery today or tomorrow to try to remove the mass and to clear up the poop issue. He's not a young cat so I am definitely nervous about his ability to make it through surgery but I think this is the only chance of making him comfortable. I've had a very rough couple of weeks agonizing watching him not feel well. I know this board is for pet loss and I haven't lost him yet, but I hope it's okay to post here and share my angst. For those who recently lost a pet one thing I can tell you from the last couple of years is you never forget... and that's a good thing. But it does get better. I adopted a kitty, Leon, shortly after I lost Mango. For a while I felt guilty and thought I made the wrong decision. He's not Mango, but is a super sweet cat and I am very happy. Thanks for listening. Gregg
  7. I got a framed picture of Mango a couple of weeks ago which I put in my bedroom and I actually put him as a screensaver on my phone yesterday. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I was actually thinking back at the people and animals I've lost in the past and realized how many of them I don't think of them very often and don't have pictures displayed. Made me feel a little guilty. Of course not to say I forgot about them or didn't love them or wasn't very upset when I lost them either. But every so often we lose someone who we are so connected to it's like a piece of you was torn out with it. That's the way I feel with Mango. As time goes on hopefully looking at pictures brings back only good memories and not the bad.
  8. Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately illness can come suddenly. Even if it doesn't there is no real way to prepare yourself for losing someone so close to you. I can definitely relate to the emotions you are going through. I lost my cat Mango almost 2 months ago as well and still miss him every day. He was truly special to me and we had a bond I'm not sure I'll ever have with another pet. The last couple of weeks most days are pretty good, although yesterday I'm not quite sure why but I started thinking about him a lot and got pretty upset. I still have my cat Marble who is 12 and have Leon a kitten I adopted not too long ago, but nothing will ever replace Mango. That said it is nice to have them here to keep my mind off things. I don't think there is a timeframe for how long it takes to heal, but I do hope it gets a little better for you each day.
  9. Hi. Sorry for your loss. Westley was a pretty boy. I think you've already started grieving and definitely the first few days or weeks can be really hard. Our pets are part of our everyday lives. They love us without judgement, give us comfort, consistency and purpose. I think the best thing especially in the beginning is having people around you that understand your grief and you can talk to and explain your feelings. That could be your husband, family, friends, or people like us on the board who can relate to what you are feeling (I lost my cat about 6 weeks ago). I know making the decision to euthanize him was very hard and it's common to feel guilty even though you did what was best for him or to start second guessing yourself. I still think about my Mango every day, but eventually the good memories start to outweigh the bad ones. I promise it will get better. I also adopted a new kitten much faster than I ever thought I would. I think losing Mango made such a big hole in my life I really needed something to help fill it. He'll never be a replacement but is helping me to learn I can love again and be happy. Regards, Gregg
  10. Yes it's amazing the vet specialties they have now. I brought Mango to one oncologist for targeted radiation and another for chemo. He also went to see an eye doctor. When I was a kid I remember our dog got cancer (I think it was in the liver) and they didn't have anything like that. They told my mother to feed him a specialized diet and that was about it. I don't think he lasted long. I got a little over a year of mostly quality time with Mango. I don't think he would have lasted more than a month or two without it. I cherished every day of it. Every night before I go to sleep I say good night to Mango and tell him how much I miss him. Sigh.
  11. Sorry for your loss. I know it must have been hard to not be there for him but it was out of your control and your parents were very nice to visit him so often and be there with him. It's hard to say what the right course of treatment was but I think the vets did what they felt wuld give him the best chances.
  12. Sorry for your loss. Your dog was very cute and sounded like he was a great boy. I think most of us can definitely relate to what you wrote. About all the special things you'll miss and about wanting him to live forever. I promise things will get easier. I still miss my Mango every day and it is so surreal to realize he's gone. I hate when people say you'll get over it. I don't think I will ever 'get over it'. I don't think we ever get over it, we just have to learn to live with it and realize we can't stay miserable forever.
  13. I agree Marty. I just got a nice framed picture of Mango that I got online and was looking at Shutterfly today. They have a sale on picture books. I definitely still have moments some days where I think about that night I brought him in. It's a traumatic moment. This might be a weird analogy and I don't know if you remember the 80's movie War Games with Matthew Broderick. But basically at the end of the movie this artificial intelligence computer is about to launch all these nuclear missiles at Russia to 'win the game'. So Matthew Broderick tells it to play Tic Tac Toe which everyone who plays after a while realizes isn't a game you can win if you play it right. And then the computer eventually realizes that there is no winner in a nuclear war either because everyone destroys each other. Anyway the point is as many times as I think of that last day there was never a way to win. Letting him go a week longer, petting him more, talking to him more, etc. None of that would have really made things better. Time as they say heals all wounds. I'm certainly not a therapist but I would say if you think about it for a little while each day still that's probably normal. If it is preoccupying a lot of your day though you need to work on getting your mind focused on other things. Whether that's remembering good memories of Gracie, reading a book, watching TV, or working on other hobbies. I'd also say you know if you feel you are getting better or not. With me I know the first two weeks I was very emotional, suffered mentally and physically, and it definitely was affecting the rest of my life. Now I still think about him every day, but I'm able to enjoy myself at work or home. I'm still angry that he's gone. Not angry with him or others. Just at the way nature works I guess.
  14. After I had to put Mango to sleep I got a nice card signed by a bunch of staff from the animal hospital he went to for chemo (about 9 months). Some of the people who signed the card I could tell really knew who he was. He cried every time I put him in the carrier (since the first day I brought him home!) and they got to know him while he was there. I guess we often don't realize that the people who work there aren't robots without emotions. The oncologist there was super nice and would spend time with me answering all my questions. And the staff was great too. It's good to know they just don't think of pets as dollar signs.
  15. Cassandra - Sorry for your loss. 21 is a long life for a dog so I'm sure you took great care of her. I think it's very common to have guilt over 'not being there' but the truth is you couldn't have possibly have known when her time was up. The same thing could happen if you were running an errand or in another room watching TV. One thing about animals and I noticed this with my cat Mango when he got real sick a few times is he wouldn't even want to lie with me. He would sit on a chair in the patio when he'd normally be in my bedroom. It actually made me feel pretty sad because I knew he wasn't feeling well and I couldn't comfort him, but animals tend to be quite reclusive when they are sick or dying. Instinct I guess, but the point I'm trying to make is being there at the end might not be as much of a comfort as it might to a human and it certainly didn't negate the 21 great years you had with her. Regards, Gregg
  16. Same here. Sorry to hear about your BIL. Cancer sucks.
  17. NRCnKC I'm so very sorry to hear about Callie. She is a beatiful girl. I'm sure you will do what you know is best for her and you can always come here to share your feelings with others who can understand what you are going through. Gregg
  18. Thanks Gracie. Yes they gave me a paw print with the ashes. I encourage you to pick it up. Will it make you cry? Probably. I certainly did. But at the same time I think you will cherish having a little reminder down the road and maybe even bring some closure. Everyone heals at their own pace. Leon is a really nice cat. He loves to play. I was running around the house the other day with him playing hide and go seek. What impressed me even when I picked him was how he didn't mind being picked up. He really really wants Marble to play with him. Hopefully Marble gets better soon and can enjoy his little brother.
  19. Gving pain meds even if it does hasten death is often the more humane option. That's often what doctors do to dying patients in hospice since unfortunately in this country for some reason we don't give humans the option to end their suffering like we do our animals. So I think you definitely did what was in the best interest by making her feel more comfortable.
  20. I brought Marble to see the oncologist that treated Mango. He is a very good doctor. Anyway Marble almost definitely has pancreatitis. It's always possible that isn't the root cause, but right now that's what he saw on the ultrasound. He ran some more bloodwork so I'll find out in a few days how everything looks. There does seem to be some improvement today and he does seem to be sleeping better so I'm not a nervous wreck like I was before and should be able to sleep tonight myself. On a more somber note I picked up my Mango's ashes today when I was at the animal hospital. Definitely brought some tears to my face, but in my heart I know he is not suffering anymore. I was talking to a woman I'm somewhat friendly with at work today and mentioned my cat passed away. She gave her condolences and mentioned her daughter passed away several months ago which I did not know. I miss my Mango every day, but conversations like that tend to put things in perspective as well. I can't imagine the grief she is going through and yet somehow we all must pull through and carry on. It's a crazy world I often do not understand. I often wish I was spiritual like some people I speak with and believed in an afterlife.
  21. GMS

    Gone too soon.

    I once hit a squirrel who ran out in front of another car next to me. I backed up to make sure it was dead but I felt so guilty. There definitely needs to be a lot more love and caring in this world.
  22. Thanks again everyone. Not too much to update. He's hanging in there and at least doesn't appear to be getting worse. I don't believe the vet is thinking FIP is too likely now but there is still a number of other things it could be. He's still on steroids and I started him on a new antibiotic today. The hope is one of those things helps. There is the possibility of getting types of cancer or other issues but so far nothing definitive. I haven't been sleeping well because he hasn't been sleeping well. Really hoping to see some improvement in the next day or two. Also trying to get in touch with the cancer doctor who is also a hematogist who treated my Mango to get his opinion. The stressful part is that he doesn't seem to be and to sleep well. He takes some naps but he would usually be out like a light for hours so I figure he must be uncomfortable.
  23. And thank you both for your well wishes.
  24. Thanks. He is eating better right now but I don't know if that's just the appetite stimulant or if he's actually feeling any better. I think he is a bit uncomfortable because he doesn't seem to be able to fall asleep. He goes back to the vet tomorrow for a recheck. The stress is going to kill me.
  25. So Sunday my cat Marble wouldn't eat and then Monday morning he didn't eat so I brought him to the vet yesterday. Most of the bloodwork was fine but his platelets were low and his globulin levels were off (I believe high). The vet said it could be a number of things but one thing he brought up was FIP which would be really bad. Unfortunately they have no easy way to test for FIP. He put Marble on steroids and antibiotics as well as an appetite stimulant. Starting last night he would every so often eat a little chicken or salmon that I gave him but wouldn't eat a lot and is not interested in his regular food. My heart is sinking. I just lost my Mango two weeks ago and now this. I know I shouldn't expect the worst since they aren't sure what it is yet but the doctor did talk about FIP for a while which makes me think he suspects that could be the issue. I'll be devastated if he doesn't pull through this. He just had a checkup a month ago and did great. Gregg
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