GMS

Unfortunately I don't think most people or animals experience a 'great death' because if we were feeling well enough we wouldn't be ready to die. A friend of my mother died while sitting with his wife watching TV. He was there one second and gone the next. I guess no pain and suffering. Maybe that's a better way to go? I don't think any less traumatic for his wife though. But from what you describe it seems like jaylo did not have a good quality of life and I think you know that. It was the same thing with my cat Mango. I found out his cancer spread to his kidneys and probably into his central nervous system. He went from over 10 pounds at his peak to 6.5 pounds. He had no or almost no sight and by the last day and I'm not even sure he could hear me. Maybe he could have lasted weeks or even a month or two I have no clue. But I knew he was miserable and wasn't the same Mango anymore. And it wasn't going to get better. Things would never go back to 'normal. That didn't mean I wasn't devastated. When I realized it was time to put him to sleep I screamed and threw and broke a few things. I still think about him every day. I still have pangs of guilt. I still get angry at the world for taking him away. They had a clip of Joe Biden recently at an event talking to an older woman who showed Biden a picture of her son that she had lost. And of course Biden lost his son as well. I didn't hear everything but at one point Biden said to her it never goes away. And I think what he was saying is you never forget. There will always be a sense of loss. Don't expect to 'get over it'. You'll always remember the good times you had and you'll always wish you could have them back. But it can't be the overriding thought for you every day. I know that's hard for a lot of us on this board, but I think maybe things will get better once we accept that we did everything we could (and from what I've read on this board the people are great pet owners and loved them dearly) and that living the rest of our lives does not dishonor them. Unfortunately since our pets can't talk to us they can't tell this to us like a human would, but I'm sure if they could that's what they would say.

Yes absolutely. Message me anytime. 🙂

Gracie - Yeah I would definitely recommend meds specifically for the anxiety (after consulting with a doctor of course). It really helped me with my general anxiety as it kind of stops the feedback system which cause the anxiety to get worse and worse as you start thinking about the same thing over and over. It's certainly not a miracle cure and isn't going to stop anxiety altogether for events like losing a loved one. I guess we wouldn't be human if we could do that. And it does tend to take a few weeks to really start to work. If you go that route I hope it helps.

One other thing is I would work with your cat... give her treats when she comes up on the bed or the couch... then work your way up to the lap... it will definitely help in the bonding process and where she was previously she might not have had the option to sit with humans.

FurMama - I completely understand and am definitely going through something similar with my new kitten. He's a wonderful little boy, but I have definitely had some rough days. I think the main thing I have to come to grips with is he will never be Mango. The other day I was lying on my bed watching TV and normally Mango would be coming over to sleep on my lap and it was very soothing. Leon went under the bed to lie down. It got me very emotional. Leon might never do that. But we've only known each other for about a week so relationships take time... even with a pet. But I will learn to love him for who he is. Also don't feel guilty learning to love this cat. You are not betraying anyone and your fur baby would have wanted you to be happy. That's not to say you shouldn't grieve. Some people seem to expect pet owners to mourn for a day and then be fine. When family members die we grieve for a long time. But in so many ways our pets are more involved in our lives and we often have the burden of making decisions for them because of course we can't talk it over. Our pets give us unconditional love. Hopefully you have friends and family around you who understand that. I just ordered two books on grieving... one is specifically about pets. I don't know if they will help but I'll give it a try. If it does I'll let everyone know. Regards, Gregg

Marty that is definitely spot on. I feel very guilty letting go. I keep looking at pictures and videos and almost try to fool myself that I can bring him back. Lately I've been second guessing myself regarding the euthanasia even though in my head I know it was the right choice. I know someone had brought up medication recently and as someone who's been on anti anxiety meds for a long time now I do think it can help someone if time is not healing fast enough. I know if I weren't on them now I probably wouldn't even be able to function the last week.

Thank you both for your words. I know it's going to take quite a bit of time. On a brighter note my 12 yr old cat Marble loves Leon and I'm so happy for him. My Mango was never a huge fan of playing with him, but they did wrestle around occasionally. The last few months though he had a very low tolerance when Marble came over to him and I know towards the end he didn't try to bother Mango at all. This morning Marble and Leon were running all around and over the couch. I was so happy to see them getting along and Marble is thrilled.

Thanks. He's a very nice cat and am happy to have him, but it's been a hard couple of days. I think the hardest part by far is letting go which I am so scared to do. I do not want to forget. Every day I've been looking at pictures and videos of him and it is so hard to believe I'll never get to hold him again. Today in particular my stomach has been in knots. I think back to my other pets and realize I almost never think about them except on a rare occasion... which makes me feel guilty... but Mango was by far the most special pet I've ever had.. and even though I know he's gone I feel like if I stop thinking about him and looking at pictures somehow keeps him alive. Sigh.... I hate this.

Here are a couple of pictures. He's 5 months old.

Hi all, Hope everyone is hanging in there. So on Sunday I ended up going to a local animal rescue and adopted another cat. It was both easy and hard at the same time and has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I still have a friendly 12 year old cat in the house who loves to play and I could tell he missed having his brother around. And of course I missed having my Mango around. Last week I started looking at rescues online and of course had a lot of guilt. I knew I would eventually want another cat but thought it would take me a long time to get another one. But some of them had bios and seemed really sweet and ironically one of them was named Mango. I don't believe in fate, but it was pretty weird. Anyway I visited the rescure on Sunday and played with a handful of kitties in one room but I could see Mango had no fear. He liked to play and I picked him up and he didn't yell. So I took him home (I've since renamed him to Leon... calling him Mango did not seem right). I still have some bad times during the day. I look at pictures of Mango and I don't think I could have a bond with anyone like I did that cat. We were tied to the hip and he only wanted me. But Leon is a very sweet cat and has made himself at home quite fast. He sleeps in the bed, loves to play, and the two cats are warming up to each other pretty quickly. I hope all of you find the right time to adopt another cat... don't rush though. You'll know when the time is right. Regards, Gregg

I think you already are. I think you already are. The truth is, which I think you know, and this is exactly what I am going through the last few days, there was no 'good' option. You already know she was suffering. I think about what if I had waited another day or week but I know he wasn't getting better and he was not happy. I started looking back at old pictures and videos and couldn't believe how different he was back then. I'd do anything to go back to those days and it's a very helpless feeling. I am sure your cat knew she was loved. An extra few hours in a lifetime of memories isn't going to change that.

Erin, I just wanted to offer my condolensces. I just lost one of my cats Wednesday evening and I am devasted. This cat came into my life 11 years ago. Someone at work fed him on the outside patio and he of course kept coming back. I started to sit outside to hang out with him and he was the friendliest cat I ever knew. On the day I decided to take him home I went outside and called him and he came running up. I opened the door to the building and he walked right down the hallway with me into the office. When I put him in the carrier he started crying but when I got home with him after his vet checkup and let him out on my bed it's like he knew he was home. My other cat loved him from the start, but he was always mine. He came running to the door when I got home and would love to lie on my lap. He wasn't just a pet, he was my baby. And I'm sure you feel that way about yours too. He was diagnosed with a nasal lymphoma a year ago and I did everything I could. Radiation and chemo. He was good for a long time, but the last few weeks he began to degrade and I found out the lymphoma spread to his kidneys and probably other places as well. By Wednesday I could tell he lost vision in both eyes and he didn't really respond to me. I could tell he no longer had a good quality of life. I had so many emotions running through me but in my heart I knew what needed to be done. I'm sad, scared, angry, guilty, lonely... I know eventually things will get better but now i even feel guilty about that. I'm sorry about your experience with that vet. When my first cat had to be rushed to the vet because a blood clot went to his heart he was so uncaring. I eventualy had to rush him to another vet who immediately gave him pain meds and sedation, but we ended up having to put him to sleep. I encourage you to complain to the owner of that emergency vet. There is no excuse for what they did. I think time will ease our pain and although we may not be ready yet eventually consider another pet. I can never replace my Mango, but people like us know the love only a pet can give and one day it will feel right for that again. Best Wishes, Gregg