Littlepeach

Hi Cinda I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It will be 6 months for me and little by very little the hurt starts to go away but can return for an instant. It’s not gone by no means I mean the intense heart wrenching pain. The sadness is still there and the loneliness. This group is amazing. Helped me through some very dark times. I will love and miss my husband forever. And Nash, just by you honoring Annettes memory is a beautiful tribute to the time you shared with her. Forget the other people.

Thanks. I know I’m not alone. I took our dog Mojo for a walk around an area lake we used to go to. Mojo and I were the only ones there. It was beautiful with the leaves changing and the wind blowing....I spoke to him as if he were there and told him how I love and miss him. It was rough but I got through it. 😌

I truly know the things you’re feeling. The pain in your heart and not being able to breathe. I lost my husband five months ago. I had the very same thoughts and anguish (still do for the most part) that you have. Do you want to go on living in a world without them? No. Will it get easier with time? I’ll let you know. I’m sad and lonely and lost. We all are. You’re very lucky to have family around you. Be easy on yourself. You’re allowed to grieve for however how long it takes. One step at a time. ❣️

Today is my 29th wedding anniversary. I lost my husband five months ago and it stills feels like it happened yesterday. Fresh and raw and unbelievable. I don’t know what to do-how to feel-what’s appropriate-should I be alone.......I don’t want to say Happy Anniversary ( when I think of him) because that’s truly not the case. My chest feels tight and heavy and I know I’m going to be caught between memories of beautiful moments and such incapacitating grief that it brings me to my knees. I love him and miss him dearly. ❤️

Thank you Gwen. Even if we can list one thing daily we should consider that a win. 1. This group 😀

Kieron and Razorclam : in regards to the reminders that bring about the intense hurtful memories I just have to say that I’m relieved I’m not the only one affected by this. I mean everything reminds me of my husband but there are a select few that really really really destroy me so I avoid them. September is a rough one for me. Our anniversary is 9/28. Our favorite time of year. I can’t avoid the whole month!!! 😳

Positives. You would think it would be easy to identify the positives! They’re there. A sunny day, call from a friend checking on you, an invite to an outdoor socially distant bbq😀 , really anything that brings a smile (if only for an instant) to you. This very long thread was inspired. It helped me sit back and think that there are good things and it’s ok to enjoy them. One of my friends gave me a journal and it’s designed for you to write three things you’re grateful for each day. I’ll admit I’ve only written in it sporadically over the last two months but after reading this thread I believe I will get adding some more things daily. This is truly a great place. Thanks aren’t enough. ❤️

Thank you guys for helping me through these dark thoughts. I am in a much better place this evening. This month will be difficult for me because our wedding anniversary is drawing near. This time of year was always special for us and we did a lot of outdoor things. I will try and get outdoors and take baby steps if only to feel closer somehow to him. He loved nature.

Music transcends time. It can take you back to a specific time and place that seems real. It was a big part of who we were and that’s a hurdle I’m not able to jump at this point. Kind of like the day the music died. I’ll get there. I know I will. I have time.

I added up the number of days that I’ve lived with my husband Joe. 10,962 days we shared together. It’s only been 135 days since he passed away. I’m suffering terribly and having mini breakdowns throughout each and every day. I’m lonely and sad and hardly able to get through the day. I do not care about the state of things around me although have been trying to get back into the swing of things. I hide all of this from family and friends because I simply cannot talk about it. Without breaking down naturally. I’ve looked around for facilities that may take inpatients for grief counseling because I know I won’t follow through with an outpatient situation. There aren’t really any around during these wonderful Covid times. This group has helped me immensely and for that I thank God. I assured everyone I wouldn’t do anything foolish but I thought about it. More than once. Do I want to live in a world without Joe? Certainly not. I’m finding it hard to find a purpose or reason to continue on. Everything is changed. My husband....gone, my job after 17 years...gone, my son who just graduated Nursing school....ready to move out, and our dog who is 10 years old is in poor health. My identity has been completely stripped away. I don’t have the resolve to reinvent myself. I just don’t.

When Gwen mentioned how intertwined they were. I understand that. They still are!!! Forever. I think that our connections to our loved ones remain however strong. ❤️

Triggers.....Oh Yes! They’re everywhere! A song, a bird singing, shopping at the store,....it doesn’t matter. It hits you square in the heart. I too have cried in the store because a song we loved came on. Never know when or where or why it happens. It’s been a little over 4 months now and it seems everything sets me off. He’s gone now and I’m left speechless and lost. I am so sorry for your loss and I know nothing I can say will eliminate or even lessen your grief. Just know I am here as well as everyone in this group to listen and acknowledge anything you want to say.

Thanks for your response. I have already found a small measure of comfort reading and responding and actually posting. Everyone here seems kind and genuine and yes, they do indeed “get it”.

Laurie-its only been two weeks for you. It’s been four months for me and I know how badly you miss him. It’s like you can’t breathe. The way your chest tightens because your heart literally aches. It’s impossible to believe. He’s the last thing you think about before you fall asleep and the first thing you think about as soon as you wake up and the only thing you think about at all. You love him. I was once told that “Where there are tears there was love” And I cry ALOT! So cry. It hurts. But it also shows how very much you love and miss him.

Thank you Kieron. I can say with certainty that my husband is at peace and wouldn’t have liked this world at all during these strange days. I am sorry for your loss and while I know my grief may be new and raw but yours is ever present and your insight is very helpful.