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nothingbutashell

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  1. I think the hardest part was not understanding the why, so it is certainly much easier to move on now that I've found the root of it. I think the true reason for the relationship breakdown is that before we were "official" I dismissed a lot of bad behaviour because we were in that weird limbo where we were not true friends or truly together, so I accepted that situation for what it was, and took what could be enjoyed from it - physically intimacy and some companionship (although in hindsight - not worth the trade off of immense anxiety). When he pursued me for a relationship, I actually stood
  2. Ok so... a quick update. I'm not sure all his behaviour is even a response to grief after all. As it turns out, he started a new relationship before even breaking it off with me and also lied to all his friends about the reasons for it all. So I'm thinking now he might just be an emotionally immature child in a 31 year old man's body who had so much self-loathing he can't stand to be alone with himself for even one minute. Maybe grief pushed him into that more but I think it could also be a pattern of behaviour for him in past relationships. Regardless, I've definitely closed the door now on f
  3. I guess the thing is for me.... I'm honestly in no rush to be in a relationship. I've been in one long-term relationship in my life and it was awful and I've never been much of a dater. I like to pour my energy into myself and platonic relationships mostly. When I picture my future, I usually imagine myself alone, and not in a sad way. I think because he was so used to being in relationships, he assumed that was what I wanted from him, so tried to give it to me only to realise he couldn't do it in the way he thought I deserved because of his mental health & grief. But.... I was perfectly h
  4. Thank you, you are definitely right. Currently, it does not matter what he thinks of me. It's something I struggle with in general as somebody with social anxiety: hyper-managing the way I come across to others, and also wanting other's perceptions of me to match my self-perception. Which I do have to work on getting over and I am a lot better now than I once was. I guess I just feel like if I can't speak openly with somebody about my thoughts and feelings, is that much of a basis for a friendship? Maybe an acquaintance, but I do feel I need my close friends to understand who I am and where I
  5. I had a difficult weekend because it was his birthday. I didn't contact him for it, but I accidentally stumbled across videos from his party that mutual friends posted and I felt a bit sad that I couldn't be there to enjoy it with him. Over a week later he still hasn't dropped my things off in my letterbox and they're not important but I do wonder why he doesn't get it over with? I guess it will be bittersweet because it might be the last time we ever interact (although I won't actually see him, I'll know he was here) Like I've said already, I don't plan to initiate contact between us at an
  6. He thanked me for my reply the next morning and said he agreed with me on everything and still looks forward to working on a friendship in the future. The one thing I'm still struggling to get past.... is that I never really saw this as an enduring relationship until he convinced me otherwise. I know that he had probably convinced himself too, and only being truly in the situation did he realise he wasn't able to give what he wanted. So it wasn't necessarily a lie, but it still just feels like he used me to figure out something that he should have had the self awareness to realise before invol
  7. Well... he broke the silence and texted me last night, and said he would have done so sooner if I hadn't blocked him on social media. He said sorry and he will miss me and hopes we might be able to be friends again some day, and mentioned returning some things I'd left at his house. I'm glad it gave me the opportunity to say some of the things I wanted to. I said I hoped we could be friends again some day too, although I'm not sure if or at what point it will be healthy and possible to do so. In his breakup text he said he thought it was unhealthy for him to be in a relationship right now, whi
  8. The last time we spoke he told me his mum is being "strong" and not really admitting she is dying. Maybe just to him, and she knows it in herself, who knows. She told him she had been sleeping more which means she is "healing", but he knows it means she is getting worse and probably close to the end. I do not even really think or hope to be in his life again now, but my empathetic heart still breaks for him. I wish there was something I was able to do to just be there through all this pain, send some little note or a book or something that would be of some comfort to him in this time. Not to h
  9. Thanks Kay. I've read through a lot of these threads during the past week and found some solace through that before sharing my own story. It's really nice and comforting that you are so active in responding to everybody. I think I know what happens after this but if you do have any thoughts to share I would be appreciative and interested to hear them. I think there are little things I feel some anger over, but I don't feel like anger is helpful it dealing with this and moving on with my own life. I feel like the only thing that helps me to feel better is having compassion and forgiveness, alth
  10. Hey everyone. I'm not sure that I'm looking for advice here, I just wanted to share my story. Getting it out might be some sort of catharsis. Just after my 28th birthday in May of 2019, I met somebody on a date and clicked with him instantly. He was 29. The next week he told me he had feelings for me, and the week after that he told me that while that was true he wasn't in a position to be in a relationship (this wasn't due to grief of death, but because 7 months earlier he'd split up with his fiance and was still dealing with that process and his own mental health issues). I accepted this
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