I recently lost one of my beloved cats Molly (on 11 July, 2020). It hurts so much, the pain is unbearable. I am falling sick. For the last two days, I am suffering from excruciating stomach pain. I am not being able to go to work. I can't sleep at night. I stay up nights just crying. When I sleep, I keep having nightmares. Sometimes I dream that I put Molly in the refrigerator by mistake, then I open the refrigerator, and I find her there, frozen to death.
I was unwell, living by myself and having frequent panic attacks, mostly concerning the well being of the cats Hulo and Molly. I am the kind of person who cries over the death of a fish or a chicken. Out of panic, I had given the Hulo and Molly (my two cats) to a shelter home believing that they would take better care of them. Later I got to realize that the condition of the shelter home I had given them to was terrible. By the time I got to realize that fact, the owner of the shelter home refused to give them back to me or for adoption elsewhere, because my cats helped him get more funds. He also wanted to keep them so he could continue to ask me for more money. My cats started falling sick.
I had written blogs about the shelter home's malpractices after Molly died, and now the people associated with the shelter home won't tell me about the whereabouts of the other cat (Hulo) - to prevent me from writing about them any further, and to stop me from pursuing a General Diary I had filed with my local police station. I am also not in a position to pressure them for updates, or take any action now, because I am still not in a position to bring Hulo back and keep him with me. I am still living alone, and have to go to work. I know I will start having panic attacks if I bring him back. When I asked about Hulo last time, my comments were treated with offensive hurtful replies. But I miss him so much! Also, Hulo is a local breed that nobody wants to adopt.
The lady who has managed to get hold of Hulo texted me last about how destructive he is, and that no one wants to keep him. That stressed me out. She also uses such filthy language that I don't reply to her texts. But I am constantly worried about Hulo.
When people are dying it would sound ridiculous to most of you. My friends keep telling me that I need to get over them, because they were just cats, and people are dying. But I loved them so much! I had brought them when they were 2 months old. We spent three and a half wonderful years together. We have so many beautiful memories together. They trusted me to protect them always, to take good care of them. Why did I have panic attacks, I feel so guilty. Why am I not fit to just take good care of a cat? The guilt is killing me. Sometimes I do play with the idea of bringing Hulo back, if I can locate him, and if the lady will return him.
But again, when I go to work, I can't leave him alone in the house for entire days. He is not used to being left alone, and gets scared. The thought that I will never see him again kills me.
It is an impossible situation. I keep telling myself that I should leave everything to the Almighty. But I still can't accept it. It hurts too much. The pain is unbearable. I have been crying non-stop for two days now.
I cry to the Almighty, "Oh, please make the pain go away, please".
What should I do? I am in extreme pain, please tell me, what should I do?
- Dhaka, Bangladesh.
