Sarika

I'm so sorry to hear about Arlie, Kayc. You're right. Regardless of their physical body not with us anymore, they live on in our hearts forever, because of the pure soulful love they give us. Nothing beats the precious time we had with them. I believe if we are able to give them even half the love they bestow on us, we have done our part as their keeper in this world.

You're most welcome Neha. Hope you're feeling better. Take care. 💗

Dearest Neha, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life, my Beagle Leo, who had been with me for 8 years (with 2 miserable years apart) on the 21st of September. I understand where you are coming from. Initially, I signed on to this forum because I have been having difficulty expressing my grief. It comes out at weird times. The entire day I'll be normal and then all of a sudden late at night, it just creeps up on me and I don't know what to do with myself except sit down and cry. So, yeah, when I saw your message and saw those heartbreaking pictures you posted, I thought of replying to you instead of writing somewhere else. Because, believe it or not, I relate to *everything* you wrote in your message and have dealt with it at one time or the other. Thankfully, I have been free of panic attacks for a while now, but I know how crippling they can be. Though I have been in similar situations as you, I am mentally in a better place than you right now (I think) to deal with my grief. I am living with my mother. I don't have to go to work. I have my other dogs and animals to keep me company at home. You are in a very difficult situation dear. Living alone, having panic attacks, losing your cats to a corrupt bunch of people right now when the entire world is in the grips of this pandemic - it's tough. Plus I know you have a soft and kind heart, and most people (even our friends and family) can be very thoughtless with our words sometimes. It isn't easy to truly be with someone in grief, you know. Not everyone's cup of tea. (Which is why I think I like animals so much. They really do know how to "be there" for you, don't they?) I don't think we really need to compare the scale of grief. That's a very callous thing for them to say. Our grief is important to us because it is ours. If I'm grieving for my dog and a terrorist attack happened somewhere (God forbid), I won't be able to simply turn a switch inside me and "get over it" - all because one tragedy is supposedly "bigger" in magnitude than the another. So, please don't listen to such people. Be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself time to cry and heal. Surround yourself with people who can be with you in your grief without having to remove it or change it. That is true friendship. If you don't feel that you have such people around you, you can always find someone on such forums online. I'll tell you my personal story of hope, and I hope it helps you in someway. The very day my Leo took his last breath (21st September 2020), someone in a town 700 Kms away, decided to surrender their 1 year old Beagle because it was an impulse buy by the son, who was now getting married and moving abroad. The parents didn't want the hyper-energetic dog anymore. So, out of nowhere, we got this message on one of our friend's message groups of this dog available for adoption. I asked them for the name of the dog. He is called "Leo" We might be driving down in a few days to get this other Leo home, someone who really needs it. I really believe that this was some kind of divine intervention/a message from *my Leo*. I think you should take solace in the fact that you loved your cats to the best of your abilities till you had them. Maybe this is Molly's way to tell you to give yourself time. Perhaps you need to let others take care of Hulo and first take care of yourself. He will find his way back to you in some form or the other. You know, I had walked out of my husband's house some years back, and he said he would keep Leo with him. I had no news, no contact with Leo for 2 whole years. Such miserable years those were. I remember feeling so helpless. Just seeing another dog like him on the road would start a crying spell and just ruin the whole day. But you know what, 2 years later, after he got into an accident and my husband couldn't take care of him, he got him back to me. And he had been with me since the past 3 years. So, did I suffer those 2 years? Yes. Did Leo suffer? Yes, perhaps. But I believe that when I got him back, I had a renewed appreciation for him. Every night he lay next to me, I would thank God for giving me that time with him - because I had lost it once. Hulo will find his way back to you in some form or the other Neha. Trust in your love. Have faith in the divine. Take care of yourself first. Love and hugs,