Thank you all so much. Today I called the vet who euthanized him. I have been having an incredibly hard time understanding what happened, even though it has been told to me so many times. I am in a state of shock. There is a part of me that expects to see him when I move back home. I saw him dying on FaceTime and yet, I have been in disbelief. I called the doctor asking her to go over everything with me again. She told me that the reason why the tumor spread so quickly is because dogs lives are significantly shorter than ours, so cancers spread much faster. One year in a human is like one week for a dog. It made me even more devastated because it made me think that maybe there was something I could have done to save him if I scheduled a surgery immediately after the growth was found. But I was also told by doctors that because the tumor was on the right side of his liver, the surgery would be risky and it would likely require a blood transfusion or the removal of his gallbladder, or there was the potential of him maybe not surviving surgery. I asked my family to please get a second opinion once I was in my treatment and they said that they would, but it was too late. In only a few weeks the growth had ruptured and blood leaked into his abdomen. I wish that I had done something sooner. The thought of it is just killing me. My poor baby boy. I am in so much pain.
I asked the doctor if he was in any pain when he passed away. And she told me that she put him under anesthesia and then euthanized him, so he just peacefully went into a very deep sleep. I miss him so much. I wish I could kiss him one more time. My poor baby boy. I feel like I have failed him. I wish that I had not waited and that I had scheduled a surgery for him right away. At least then he would have had some chance of surviving. How do I forgive myself??
