So I just joined this forum the other day. I wanted to join a support group but because of Covid they have all been cancelled. There is no question I need support from others and this seems a place to start.
Rose and I were married for 46 years. We met my first day on campus. We were married 21 months later. We have 3 grown children and 3 grandchildren. The kids call often but we can't get together very much these days. In 2010 she had breast cancer but came back strong. In 2017 she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. After months of chemo she had surgery which was considered a success. In the spring of 2019 the pancreatic cancer returned and we were told it was terminal. More chemo followed but she cancelled that to be healthy enough to take a trip to Disney to spend her last vacation with our daughter and her family. She toured all the parks in a motorized cart. Each day she and I would go to the park first aid station and she would rest for a couple of hours then back with the group. After we returned from the trip things went very quickly. She came home from the hospital on her birthday to hospice. She got out of bed on Christmas day to share a meal with family. 3 days later on 12/28/19 (her fathers birthday) she passed away in her sleep. Like many others on here I can't believe she is gone. My head knows but my heart will not accept. I work full time but now live alone and I do mean alone.
Some days I go to the basement and just scream. I've been mad at her for leaving me. That feeling never lasts long. I can't yet remember times with her and be happy. Those thoughts and memories just bring more tears. I have a journal that I write to her in everyday. Sometimes it's just to say hello and I miss you and sometimes it is longer trying to express my feelings. This time of year was her favorite and to honor her I have put up a tree and all her favorite decorations. It is so hard to see it all everyday but not see her.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
