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Becky1982

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    England

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  1. My children will be devastated especially my little boy his family means the world to him we’re all he ever talks about, everything in his mind is revolved around his family. We are at the top of his list in everything 😢. It must of been so hard for you kayc but on the other hand I’m glad you got to be loved even if it was for a short time. X
  2. That’s how it feels Kieron one sided, I’m just so lonely I don’t even no if he’s bothered I know he has such a lot going on in his mind I see he does it all just breaks my heart daily, I’m just a shell with nothing inside, I’ve lost so so much weight the more I get upset the more comes off I’m just bone so yeh I do look fragile probably because I am,all my other friends that are also my family are going through the same loss and they all seem to be together along the way with their husbands, I look at them and feel happy they have got that. Maybe if I wasn’t so emotional and didn’t let things get to this it would of been different but I can’t turn back time if only I could 💔.
  3. Kayc-I’m truly grateful for your response I feel like your the only person that has understood what I’m saying and not judged me for feeling how I feel. I know he’s grieving and I know how hard it is I truly do that’s why I feel like I do. she asked me if I felt like I smoothed him( I don’t feel like I do I don’t go by him) I feel I’m hard to deal with emotionally at the minute but when you saw your husband as your best friend and went to him for everything and that’s no longer there then yeh I’m hurting badly. She also asked if I thought he dreaded coming home I replied yes I do because of me. Then she asked if he thought I was his best friend and if he loved me I replied I don’t no but no I don’t think he does. im not willing to accept it, I can’t live in a meaningless marriage, where I open my heart and share my life but where is that back? I used to tex and ring him even before this happened it’s a standing joke in the family he never used to answer my called or ever text back so I don’t bother anymore haven’t for a long long time. I feel like this is just the start of a downward place. I’m a loving person and my heart and feeling on on my sleeve I’ve always made him feel loved and gave it my all and up till now I chose that it was hard for him to be affectionate and I accepted that but I don’t accept all this I really don’t. I’m not prepared to live the rest of my life with nothing I deserve to be thought of more then just a fragile mess that can’t handle anything and isn’t needed I’d rather be on my own. X
  4. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me I really appreciate it. kayc- he’s never been good with showing any form of affection but I’ve always felt like we was together if that makes sense? When we was in a discussion quite heated. I asked him what he needed me for and he replied I don’t need you for anything- nothing. I can’t tell you what those words have done the have literally untied my entire life everything he shows or tells me only prove those words. it’s just so terribly sad and heartbreaking, I’ve been to counselling but they ask me questions only my husband can answer that being the reason I’m not going to continue with it and there isn’t a chance in this world my husband would go. he knows what person I am he knows that looking after him and my children have always been my life, I just can’t do it he makes me feel so terribly lonely and isolated in my home. I just truly don’t know how Im ment to be I feel like I can’t mention anything about his dad ask anything about his dad ask anything about how he is. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. i know it’s hit him hard And harder then the makes out, I see it all and feel it all as well. it won’t work out I do know that everything is awkward and feels incredibly alienated and I do believe I’m causing a lot of it but he’s never made me feel how he has and I don’t know what to do with it. thankyou for the articles I’d already read them and about 100 other more it’s all I do is try so hard to understand everything but you can’t not communicate with each only time will tell he has told me that he does know something is wrong. thank you again for your time x
  5. Sorry if this is long winded. But thank you to those that will take the time to read it. my husband and I have been together 25 years and in short we’ve had a wonderful life together not many bumps along the way. Built on a solid foundation of truth to what I believed he’s always said being honest is the best way through anything happens we’re together in it and all the other things that relate to these. May this year out of no where his dad passed away and it’s devastated me( my dad passed in2014) my husband is the most bubbly full of life positive person you could meet. He’s also very black and white straight up kind of person. When my dad passed I let him help me through it I didn’t push him away we went through it together my dad passing away didn’t bother him in the slightest he wasn’t affected by it at all. I wish I could have that comfort with his dad passing away and it not bother me but it has I loved my father in law so much more then my own father. I’ve never felt so much emotion in my life I’m genuinely heartbroken and my husband has pushed me away and watching him go through it my world is falling apart we have had more problems since this then we ever had he doesn’t want or need me for anything his words. He’s allowed to say I make him worry because of how fragile I am but anything I say to him is dismissed he’s working so hard and looks exhausted I can see how heartbroken he is how stressed he is and anxious but he will not open up to me at all the atmosphere in what was once a home is nothing to what it has ever been. everything he’s ever said About being together in everything and all the other things was just a lie. it’s all made me very ill all I do is cry and I’ve never felt so helpless in all my life all I want to do is be there for him and take care of him the thing that’s I’ve done for the last 25 years. I’ve never wanted to leave but I do now so very much a lot of things have been said. All he ever says is I’m fine. I feel like anything that’s to do with my father in law is separated and I’m not involved with any part of it even thou he’s been in my life longer then he hasn’t. I always thought we was so solid but we’re not were very much apart. Anyway I don’t know what the meaning of this post is only I just read some posts that felt like mine how do you watch the most important person in your life go through something so big on their own and not be bothered or care. I don’t think we will come through the other side of it I really don’t. thank you for reading and sorry if I sound a horrible person I’m not.
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