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TINA DOUGLAS

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Everything posted by TINA DOUGLAS

  1. Thank you to those who have responded to me. That you should take the time out of your own personal lives, and take a moment to address my pain is truly appreciated. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am not perfect. I gave my beloved baby boy 5,840+ wonderful and loving days. I know I have to let go of the 2 days that I was impatient with him at the end or I will be "stuck". I know he would be sad to know how sad I am about this. I wrote him a letter and asked him to forgive me, and I asked God to help me forgive myself. I am dealing with it, and I know in time these bad memories will fade and be replaced by only love, peace, and serenity as I remember my Louie.
  2. I just euthanized my 16 year old Jack Russell after watching him decline over 2 years from Degenerative Myelopathy. (a progressive disease where the brain can no longer connect with the nerves in the spinal cord). Watching him slowly lose the ability to walk over these past 2 years was a living nightmare for me. The past year was hard, the past 6 months were harder and the last 2 weeks (he died 12/16/20) exhausted me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I lived for this little boy and dotted on him since he was 10 weeks old. Shortly before he died I started losing my patience by yelling at him because I think I was angry that he was about to leave me. No, that does not make sense but exhaustion does crazy things to us. He was not sleeping well and was getting up 2-3-4 times a night. I have been consistently sleep deprived for at least 6 months. I found myself even losing patience with my husband. I look back now, and i am ashamed that for a few moments I was not there for him in his final weeks when he needed me most. Other than those few moments I tended to his every need and gave him so much love. But still, I feel so guilty that I was not more patient and compassionate to him. This is a very private and sensitive subject and not something that anyone freely wants to share. It is like a deep dark secret to me. I just want to know that I am not alone in the way I dealt with my sweet boy's decline. I am surprised at myself and yes, angry and disgusted with myself. Please share any similar stories. I am suffering so.
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