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About BaxterBurg

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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    North Dakota

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  1. There's definitely a lot of ways to look at, and that sounds like a good way to see it.
  2. But yeah, if you view the universe has working by a plan, than this is a good way to look at it. Just for me though, I find it dangerous, because you may not take charge to change your fate if you feel its not in your hands. However, things thatare truly out of your hands you should never worry about, and how you see it is perfect. There's no point getting worked up about things you can't change, it only brings you down.
  3. Good way to look at it Cody. I agree more with Kayc about finding the balance. Being too fatalistic can mean you miss out when fortune presents itself, but in some cases--such as ours--I don't think there was anything we could have done/changed. Even if we could have done something different, it doesn't change the now. We did what we thought was right in the moment. Now, we have to work with our current situations--not live in what if's, or what could have been. Both only exist in our imaginations--even our memories are not completety accurate and only exist in our mind. And at the end of the
  4. For sure, I try to remind myself this. Especially because she didn't even talk to me about how she was feeling, and was so hesitent about telling me what was going on in her home in the first place. This is supposed to be a partnership, I want to be there for the person I love as they shoud be there for me as well.
  5. Yeah it defenitely doesn't help to think about. Trying my best to accept it, I just wish I could forget about her. Just want to pack up and leave; hate this. Glad to hear you're doing fine. Seems like you're making good progress. The routine is good, something I should probably do again--i used to do that in my relationship. Divide my day into my hobbies and then talk to her before bed. I think we're at about the same point in recovery, that's how I would describe my feelings. Can't stop thinking about her all day either. Also with the hope of her reaching out, i feel that too fro
  6. Hey Cody, Not too great honestly. It seems that as the loss sets in more, the more I miss her, and the more anxious I'm becoming. I've been waking up early in a panic these last few days, and her picture still makes me feel sick. The thought of her possibly dating someone new kills me, and I feel like moving and blocking her on everything, just letting go of it all. Can't help but blame myself too for what happened. I also just hate the thought of having to date someone new, and possibly get hurt again. I hoped I had avoided all that with her. I don't think I'll ever be able to date so fr
  7. I understand. That makes a lot sense, intmiacy is probably the thing that makes us the most addicted to the relationship. Affection was always very important to me too, I think we're the same there. But for me, I don't have many memories since we hardly got the chance. Kind of interesting to think of it this way but you're upset about the sweet memories you miss, but I'm upset that we never even got that many. Try to think of it this way, might help.
  8. I would say so. I've been feeling angry from time to time; mainy stems from the feeling of being deceived. Got kind of irritated with my mom because I couldn't handle her complaining about work and some trivial things. Just not something I could handle in the moment; I'm sure you felt the same with the water and your sister's reaction. My ex had a few outburts with me while dealing with her grief, usually when I said some things she disagreed with. She ended up messaging me later that night saying she was sorry, and she just couldn't handle that type of conversatin right now. Don't be hard on
  9. You're right kody. I actually was unable to remember any of these memories until now. I had a grief fog for the past 2 months. But I'm sure they will look back in the future, or at least remember some memories fondly as we do. I hope at least. I've been watching the same videos, I think I'm doing okay so far. I will probably always miss the old her.
  10. There's this one memory I always remember that I kind of want to archive here. It was autumn, and I kind of knew it would be one of the last (it might have been the last actually) days we could walk together. All our dates were outside so winter meant ldr. But it was such a beautiful night: it was calm and warm--it was perfect! I just remember how badly we wanted to be close to each other. We would hold hands, arms, touch her back, anything just to be close without being close. She got frustrated we couldn't be close and just grabbed my arm and ran with it. Its my favorite memory and the most
  11. Of course, same here. I talked to my friend today and even 2 years after his breakup he still misses that intimacy, its very natural. I didn't get much intimacy with my ex because of covid, and I'm sure that played a major role in our demise; but I still miss the feeling from time to time, even just holding her hand. What haunts me is how much we missed out on, and just contrasting those few warm, sweet moments with how cold and annoyed she is towards me now. Its heart breaking. I miss the old her.
  12. Sounds like you're on the right path cody, maybe even more so than myself. Im glad to hear the memories aren't affecting you as much as they were, but I'm going through the same feelings. Keep moving forward, and stay strong. Best of luck in your studies. Take care, -BB
  13. Hey Kody, don't be too hard on yourself, it is a hard process. I still think of my ex everyday too, and she often consumes my thoughts as well as my dreams. I'm often very frustrated and dissapointed because she even emphasized the importance of being a team through struggle--but she chose to push me away. And I'm greiving hard for the family that I wanted with her. As you said, the story checking isn't helpful, neither is talking to family members. While I still have down moments, I find that I'm getting better with no contact. Part of me is almost tempted to never interact with her aga
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