Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

BaxterBurg

Contributor
  • Content Count

    121
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About BaxterBurg

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    NA
  • Date of Death
    NA
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    North Dakota

Recent Profile Visitors

461 profile views
  1. Don't be so hard on yourself @Missmirr, having someone pull away from a relationship is very hard to deal with too, and it's only natural that these questions would arise. My ex and I had plans to move out in the not so near future as well, but once grief struck that all changed and she broke up with me. I doubt that anything you would have done would have changed anything; and its normal to self criticize and pick apart every little thing that could have been a mistake--I did this for months. Was it because I asked her why there was distance? Is because I talked about politics while she was g
  2. Hello Missmirr, I'm so so sorry about the situation you find yourself in. Like Kayc, I've gone through it too: My gf of 5 months broke things off while I was doing everything I could to support her. Similar to your story, my gf would often take her anger out on me. For over a month she became incredibly distant with me, and she would often yell at me for insignificant things. Trust me, this is not your fault, and do not take his treatment of you personally. I struggled with blaming myself for months over what happened, especially because everything she said made it seem so personal. Don'
  3. I can agree with this, but its definitely selfish on the dumper's part to not give the dumpee a clean break when it comes to the future of a relationship. I think so anyway--particularly with the waffling. That's something that assuages their guilt and uncertainty at the expense of our own peace and grieving, especially when hopeium is keeping us addicted.
  4. You were put in a tough spot, and trust me, I understand your worry and concern for her. I always thought I was my ex's safe place too, I'm not sure if I ever was; But all I can recommend is that you do your best to distract yourself - It seems this situation is out of your control. I'm sorry, and I know that feels practically impossible right now. I'll let the other members give you better advice. Take care.
  5. Unfortunately relationships seems to rarely end with the closure we desire. I wish my ex would give me closure as well and I occasionally give my self hope that she will come back. It gives me a quick high but then a really bad low. Closure usually has to come from within.
  6. Yeah, its very confusing. Seems like she has some issues she needs to figure out, and unfortunately she's chosen to do that alone. Try your best to not ruminate on it. I use to walk back and fourth for hours a day just trying to figure this stuff out, it's torturous and draining. I know it's hard but please don't do that.
  7. It's a very difficult situation. My ex said "there is no reason to not want to be with me", and "maybe the feelings will come back", and that she doesn't know if we have a future or not. She also agreed to discuss it in 1-3 months, but the one time I reached out she said "I don't want to talk about it right now", but I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else already. Hopefully she does come back as a friend, but often there seems to be too much guilt. And trust me, I thought our relationship was unique and special too. It's difficult to know what these things mean, it's best to
  8. Maybe, but usually it's not about what these situations do to us, it's more how we let them affect us. This can also be an opportunity for growth rather than something that holds us back. Try to keep that perspective; seeing it as a trauma and focusing on the negatives can actually make it one. Our most significant development comes from our hardships - don't let it break you. It's going to be a hard process, it takes work to get over, and I still have my tough days; but it does get better. I held on to this hope too, and my ex gave me every reason to expect it; However, 1 month
  9. Hi Nikka, Firstly, I'm very sorry this is happened to you and to your BF of 2 years. I understand how hard this must be for you, and you are in an incredibly difficult situation. Its crazy how similar how stories are. My ex followed this to the tee. If you want to read my forum post, you may find it useful. Many of the stories here follow the same blueprint as if all our exes are following some manual. My ex also tried to ignore the feelings and be strong for her parents; however, it was always obvious that she desperately wanted to talk to me about it. Same as you, about a m
  10. So sorry to hear of this latest development. It took a month and a half for my ex to finally break it off, but nevertheless it was still a shock even though I saw it coming. I also felt she was the love of my life, but remember that someone who breaks up with you during grief is not someone you can trust to be a long term partner. Life has lots of ups and downs and grief is unavoidable. I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but this would have happened eventually, it was only a matter of time. I agree with Gulf, it's very possible they don't understand themselves right now. D
  11. Hi Sarah, I'm very sorry that you're going through this, and I understand how it feels that grief--something outside of your control--came in the way of your relationship. Sadly, many can't handle grieving and maintaining a relationship at he same time, and as you describe your girlfriends reaction she seems to be one of those people. Don't take her reaction personally. How your girlfriend is reacting reminds me of what my ex-girlfriend said to me a while back. She use to tell me how scared she was, and also about the lingering nightmares and intrusive thoughts of what had happened.
  12. Hmm all very interesting, but I am a bit lost on the denominations. I think I might pick up C.S. Lewis' book "Mere Christianity" to get a better understanding of everything. I have heard of Pentecostal, and I agree with you. I've also heard of Baptist, and can understand your disagreements. We don't have much of that stuff where I live. Did you study a lot about faith and Christianity? If I had an ideal I would want something on the traditional side of Catholicism (although I'm not big on papacy) or even Orthodox. It feels kind of like I'm "shopping" though, and it feels a bit inauthentic for
  13. That's interesting. And yeah, I kind of wish I had some community during all this. Thanks for the advice, I never much thought about it. A female friend of mine brought me to her church once, I didn't like it too much. It was non denominational and a bit too... Open is the word? Lots of performing rather than scripture, people dressed too casually, and there was something off putting about the people. It was strange to me to say the least.
  14. hmm thats very interesting. What made your parents change if you don't mind me asking? I'm considering going to church, even if its just for a sense of community among like minded people. I adhere to most of the teachings already, and in my worst moments I prayed--its like a wave of relief washed over me. However, I'm unsure if I could ever fully adopt faith; Something about it makes me uncomfortable, maybe because I know I'm lying to myself. Oh well, at least I'll be in the first circle of hell with a lot of cool people lol. I think the reason I want a family so bad is because it of
  15. I fully understand why you don't want to date. I'm not too interested in dating myself, just want the family. I'm glad that you're fine being alone, I felt the same way usually. The religion for sure helps, which is why I wish I grew up within a religion, I can see lots of value in it. To me it just feels like I'm alone even though I have family and friends; she felt like my only friend and the only person I felt comfortable being myself with. But then she rejected me for it so that stings. And you did yeah, I guess there's lots of time to find someone. How did they even meet at that age?
×
×
  • Create New...