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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

LIZ1983

Contributor
  • Posts

    8
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  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    na
  • Date of Death
    11/25/2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    altoona, pa
  1. You guys are the best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤
  2. I think you're right. I have allowed it because of his loss, but I don't think that is an excuse to act the way he is. It is baffling, because otherwise, he is very thoughtful and caring. I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't feel as though I am expecting too much, but I guess I needed to get some outside perspective from people who are also grieving to see if there's something I am just missing here.
  3. Marty, great idea. I am so glad I found this group. I have been struggling with this for so long and I honestly didn't know what to do. You guys have been so helpful. I do know the holidays are hard for everyone, but especially when grieving. I think I reached my limit, because it has just been happening more and I've tried talking with him about how it makes me feel when he just goes silent. I told him I would be more than understanding if he would just tell me he needs some space. I also understand, though, that by his non-responsiveness, he is saying that. It is just hurtful. I asked him specifically not to wait until Christmas Eve to come to my house, and yet he texted me yesterday after ignoring my texts for a couple days and said he would be here today. I asked what time and said that if he took another day to respond to that, I would be very upset, and that's exactly what he did. I texted him that at 10:03AM yesterday. He texted me back at 7:30AM today and said "I really fell asleep." So, now I'm just supposed to act like everything is fine and dandy when he shows up. It gets exhausting. Anyway. I'm sorry to go off on a tangent. I think I've been holding it inside for so long, that I just need to get it out.
  4. Thank you, Kay. That article was very helpful. I can relate to that as well, because I am often thought of as cold or emotionless, which is quite far from the truth! Do you think I should continue to respect his wishes and not ask him questions about it, or do you think that I have hindered him by not talking about it with him? I think I am just so afraid of him having a bad reaction, that I just keep quiet.
  5. Thank you, Kieran. That is a very good point that I really didn't consider, especially the transfer of grief. I am younger than he is (38), and I have 2 sons, 9 and 5. I try to be very conscious of letting them show their emotions, because I do know how common it is to shut it down with males.
  6. Thank you so very much for your insight! I am honestly not trying to make this about me. I am so worried about him, but frustrated at the same time, because you're absolutely right...he isn't doing anything to work through his grief. I think by acting like everything is fine and keeping himself extra busy with work and projects, he has been able to push it down, but as we all know, grief will find you!
  7. Hi! This is going to be a long one... I am seeking advice on being supportive to my boyfriend of 4 years (he is 50 years old), who lost his older sister (55) a little over 2 years ago. It sounds crazy to say, but I don't even know how his sister died. He won't speak of it. I can speculate that she may have committed suicide, because leading up to that point, there was a big blow up between his sister and mother...he was stuck in the middle and told me she ruined every holiday or event and he was over it. A few days later, he texted me and said "my sister passed away. I can't speak of it, I will never be able to speak of it...please don't ask me any questions about it. I will never be the same again." I have respected his wishes and have never asked him any questions. I feel that if he wants to talk about it, he will. I never met her, but from what he told me, it sounded as if she had mental issues. The only thing his mother has ever mentioned is "it is harder on him, than me, because he is the one who found her." He has her house, which he pays a mortgage on, but won't stay in but refuses to sell...he has her car parked in the garage at the house...all of her belongings still in the same place she left them. He goes through periods where he seems fine, although he doesn't sleep well at all. I have suggested counseling, to which he immediately says no. I live 2 hours away from him. When he stays with me, usually once a month for 2 weeks at a time, things are wonderful. My problem is, when he goes "home," (he stays with his 83 year old mother because he can't bear to be in his sister's house),he goes silent on me for sometimes weeks at a time. He doesn't respond to texts, doesn't answer the phone, etc. I have tried my very best to be understanding of the situation, but I am getting to the point where I just don't get it...I know everyone grieves differently, but this seems so extreme to me. We have a wonderful relationship otherwise. I have expressed to him how it makes me feel when he does this, but it keeps happening. He texted me the other day and said "I think about my sister every day, but the last 2 weeks have been hell for me. I will never be the same." My Dad died when I was 12 years old, so it's not as though I have never experienced loss. My Mom told me that the 2nd year after my Dad died was the hardest for her, because the first year, she was just going through the motions to get through it, but the second year, it was so final. Can anyone please give me some advice on how to handle this, before I throw in the towel? Should I just accept that this is how my life is going to be? I love him with all of my heart, but I'm starting to feel as though I am grieving him. I get that he is never going to be the same, but how can I be there for someone who doesn't let me be?
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