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Agemgem

Contributor
  • Content Count

    23
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About Agemgem

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Mom
  • Date of Death
    12/28/2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Manila
  1. Hi bene, sorry to hear that you're also going through this grief right now. It's been almost 3weeks for me but it's still overwhelming. I'm trying to get busy just to get through the day, but there's not a day that I would not cry especially at night when I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up. There are days when I just can't help myself but to sulk and be unproductive. As what I've read through their advices and articles, they said we really need to take our time. This website is a blessing for all of us and I'm grateful, all of the people here understands our grief and they are alway
  2. I also want to believe that we'll be with them again once our time on earth is up. I just wish they live just as long as we live so that we don't have to experience all the sadness and grief we're going through right now. I still haven't washed her scarves, still has her smell on them. But of course I'm planning to wash them eventually (when I'm ready) and maybe tie at least one on my bag, so it's like she's still keeping me company. I miss her terribly.
  3. I have her urn in my room and displayed her 2 favorite toys and her scarves. It's 2 weeks today. I woke up with fear again of facing this day. What happened that fateful day keeps lingering in my mind everytime a week goes by. I know that life is not fair but I didn't know that life is cruel. Years ago, I had a rescue dog named Max, and he died of old age. Although we cannot really prepare for death, days before he passed away, at the back of my mind I got the idea that it's nearing because he showed it. I was able to tell him that even if it pained me I'll understand if he'd like to go.
  4. Since the day she left, I hardly slept at night. I would sleep only for 4 hours and I would have vivid dreams, I don't know why. I feel so restless. The first few days since she left in 12/28, I would always check my phone for her pictures and videos. I would scroll her photos the whole day, and even browsed back to her first photo in 2013. She got lots of photos during Christmas day-- she's so happy, she wore a Santa hat in the morning then a reindeer headband in the evening. Now, I cannot look at them, not even a single photo, because it's so painful I can feel my heart breaking into
  5. Well I also believe that every thing is worth it, it's just that I feel like I'm bombarded with questions and thoughts, and honestly sometimes I'm no longer sure if I'm just overthinking. One question leads to another and another, and it's just so hard. I've found a link suggested by Marty and watched a video in TED talk. I remembered a line -- we don't move on from grief, we move forward with it. And that video somehow gave me hope and makes me understand grief more. By the way, please take good care of your hands, it's difficult to go to clinics/hospital right now because of covid. Pray
  6. Yes, having them around really de-stresses every one. If my day is lonely or heavy for some reason, I will just hug and play with her and my mood lightens up right way. Sometimes I would think, maybe the reason why dogs have short life span is because they shoulder our stress, anxiety, etc so maybe it’s the price we have to pay for receiving their unconditional love. I know @Marty mentioned something like pain is the price we have to pay for love, or something to that effect. Do we have to pay because we love them? Or because they love us? Or maybe it applies both ways? 🤔
  7. Thank you for your kind words. I always say (even before she passed away) that I survived the lockdown because of her. They say that ours is one of the most longest lockdowns in the world, but I kept my sanity because she was with me the entire time. My work does not have the “Bring your pet to work Day” and before I would always wish to experience something like that— where I can still rub her fur, hug and kiss her all while doing work. I believe we could have done that as she’s the most gentle, “unbothered” dog that I have known. Then pandemic came and poof, I found myself instantly exper
  8. What great talent you have @kayc . I always appreciate receiving handmade cards, it seems rare nowadays because of the social media. Yes this pandemic is also adding up to our burden. When the pandemic started, we began working from home and the only positive I can think of is that I get to spend every day with my dog, I don't need to leave her and she doesn't need to wait for me to come home because I'm home the whole time. Having her beside me while I'm doing my work was just a dream to me before and then it finally happened she's literally always beside me. Little did I know that it will a
  9. This is uplifting @kayc. I know most of us, if not all, will survive the worst. Time will tell. Maybe I'm still in the process of acceptance-feelings are still raw, too much grief, asking questions, no answers, confused, thinking what ifs, etc. Especially today as it's been a week, what happened that day keeps running on my head. I know I should start the year with hope, but because of her death, my year started with sorrow. I can't force myself to feel otherwise. I guess I'm still functioning but without life inside me, if that makes sense.
  10. Thank you Marty, for your wise words and understanding. This website and you guys are saving me.
  11. This is what I'm referring to, sorry it was not quoted properly
  12. I'm feeling guilty knowing that this would happen later. It's like adjusting means that I'm "okay" (can't think of an appropriate word) living without her. Though I'm very sure I will never ever forget her, every thing about her is etched in my soul. Having her is one of the best things that ever happened in my life. With her sudden passing, I felt so useless, not being able to do anything to save her. The situation did not even give me the opportunity of taking her to the vet (as she has passed away right after the seizure). If only my love could extend her life here on earth.
  13. Today marks one week since she left. Mornings are the worst and most painful. Throughout the day, I've got roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I think it's sinking but mostly I think it's not. There's a time that I would think she's just somewhere in the house, and somehow it brings me a little comfort and with that, I can eat and function a bit. Next thing I knew I'm overwhelmed again with sadness, thinking she's not coming back. I would also ask myself am I foolish to think she's still here when she's not? I cannot even describe/express in words my emotions. One week has passed and I'm s
  14. Thank you Kayc, I hope I can also be like you one day. I'm not sure when can I accept that she's no longer here with me, but I'm hoping that one day I will have the courage to accept it.
  15. @kayc I just hope she'll visit me in my dreams to let me know she's happy and okay. Did you experience anything like that? Even just a sign that she remembers me will do. I know for human loss, that's possible. I'm just hoping our animals can do that too to ease the pain.
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