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joe57

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  • Posts

    23
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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    husband
  • Date of Death
    12/1/2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    northern Wisconsin

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  1. Beautiful. Thank you.
  2. In the year of ninety-six On a great and glorious day I married the love of my life On the twenty-fourth of May The best thing I ever did My friends would often say Was to marry that gal Beth On the twenty-fourth of May Before it ever happened tho To the Lord we each did pray For the one that would complete us Oh! When would be that day? ‘Ere we even met each other He helped us along the way And providentially He took us To the twenty-fourth of May Oh! What a joy to behold God’s leading day by day And lovingly He brought us To the twenty-fourth of May And now down here without my queen To Him I’ll still give praise He’ll tenderly console my heart This twenty-fourth of May
  3. I've found grief books helpful on my journey. Also print off kayc's Tips and review them at times, it's helpful. kayc seems to catch everyone coming through and gives that to them. (Keep up the good work there, kayc!)
  4. Take some deep breaths. You will get through it. It will hurt, but you will get through it. Make sure you are staying hydrated. Dehydrating makes you feel crappier. Gary Roe says: You're not alone. You're not crazy. You're going to be ok. Hang in there. Peace.
  5. Joey, my story is similar to yours. There are two widower books I'd like to recommend, along with related websites for widowers. "Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship" by Fred Colby, and "The Widower's Journey: Helping Men Rebuild After Their Loss" by Herb Knoll. The other thing I am learning via this journey, reading, and attending a grief group, is to expect people to say things that aren't helpful, for whatever reason. Let it go, and grieve as you need to, there is no wrong way or right way, only your way. Find safe people, and learn to be a safe person yourself. Hang in there. Peace.
  6. kbend-My dad died in a plane crash just before I turned 7. He went out with a friend on a Sunday morning, and we expected him back in order to make it to church. He never came back. My mom had a hard time with this, with the garage business my dad and uncle had started, and then with two young boys at home. It was difficult even at that young age to see mom date someone other than dad, but she was only 27 when this happened. We wound up moving in with my grandparents on their farm. She didn't date much, but then met my step-dad at about 8 years out and married 10 years after my dad's death. My family (kids and grandkids) and I, my brother and his family, are so thankful that he came into our lives, and mom and pa (that's what we call him) are good together and for each other. They've been married 40+ years. As Kay said, it's nice that your mom asked your opinion and kinda wanted your blessing. Realize that it is tough on your mom, as it is on you with losing your dad. I'd prefer my old 'normal', too, as probably you and your mom do, but we can't go back. We just need to adjust to the new 'normal'. Peace.
  7. Thanks for posting this, Marty. I like having a list like this that I can use to see how I'm doing, maybe areas I need to work on, areas I may need to revisit. May it be helpful to others as they plod along on this path they'd rather not be on.
  8. I have this emptiness I feel, slightly above my belly button and off-center to the left. I'm thinking this will always be with me, and it will be a reminder of my precious queen whom I am learning to love differently and without in this physical world. Thank you for the picture with the message. Peace.
  9. nash and gwen-hard as it is, I thank you for sharing where you're at, what's going on in your lives. I appreciate you doing that. There are people that hear and care.
  10. Gwenivere-your sadness comes through this post. I feel for you. Hugs. "But as life becomes more finite and with less refills..." I like how you expressed this, thank you. God has our days numbered, that is true. But then, if we know Jesus as our Savior, we will be spending eternity with Him and loved ones, where, as the song says "When we've been there 10,000 years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days to sing God's praise than when we'd first begun." Beth and I had talked about death after her dad passed, then she lost a close uncle, then a brother. I was close to them also, and I said what I miss about it all is the consistency of life. I want life just to go on as it has, with all the people I love and know, that they will be there, we can make plans, we can visit, etc. And I greatly miss that with Beth not being here, too, now. But I'm trying to look at it from where she is at now. I think eternity will be consistent because God is faithful and cannot change. I think every day will be a new day to learn, grow, be with our loved ones, a day to explore and be happy. (Although I'm not sure what "day" will be like, it's more like the eternal "now".) "It’s the hardest acceptance I’ll ever face" So true. My mind says Beth is gone, but my heart is kicking, screaming, rebelling at the thought. That greatest expanse in my universe is that 18" from my head to my heart, but I'm trying to get there. I'm trying to draw closer to God through this, to help me get to the point of acceptance, but also to re-focus on him being who he is, and to glory in that, and to be comforted by that. "An adventure to get thru" Thank you for that. Sometimes when Beth and I would get in the car to head towards (many times) another surgery and hospital stay, I'd say "Off on an adventure." Not exactly what we were looking for in life, but trying to lighten it some for both of us. She was light-hearted and would make a comment, and I miss that I can't hear a response from her now, that seat is so-o-o empty. Anyway, I appreciate how you write, and how it makes me reflect on my queen and I and what we have/had. I'm so grateful for the time we did have. Hugs, again, and peace.
  11. You could have talked to her for 10 minutes and would have fallen in love with her! I received a sympathy card from a cousin and his wife today. Part of it read "She was such a joy to be around. Always so bubbly and great stories to tell." And they only met her a few times! (Of course, these words bring tears, but seems just about every remembrance does yet.) Very special, very awesome gal who chose to hang around me which is very humbling. But I'm sure we all feel that way about those we have loved and lost. That reminds me of something I heard/read: Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Peace. Joe
  12. Hi, kayc. I'm humbled that you would honor my precious queen that way. Thank you.
  13. I wrote that 4 a.m. this past Christmas morning, when I couldn't sleep. I woke up and it just kinda came to me. Glad you enjoyed it. I pray that it will help those who have experience/are experiencing this pain of losing your precious love.
  14. I hop in the car, and I go for a ride Nowhere to go, just wanting to hide From the pain that I feel (feels like death) So what am I doing? I’m looking for Beth. And wherever I go, there she ain’t Wherever I am, there is the pain My heart is broken, I can’t catch my breath The rest of my life I’ll be looking for Beth I know that here on this terrestrial ball When looking for Beth and I give a call No answer will come, it just cannot be I’m bound by time, she’s in eternity “Be joyful for me, I’m with our dear Lord Keep close to him and you can look for’ard To the time of reunion. So don’t look for me here I’m where I should be so don’t shed a tear.” “I can’t let you go, my dear precious queen I’m not where you are, my eyes have not seen It still pains me so, I can’t catch my breath I’ll be looking for you, my dear precious Beth.”
  15. kayc, I missed your reply on this and just saw it. My Queen is in the excellent place, no more doctors, hospitals, clinics, appointments, pharmacies, etc. But I miss my role as caregiver and I cry as I write this because that was a big part of who I am/was. Now it's just trying to figure out who I am but I don't really want that, I just want to be who I was, and it's really hard to let go of that but I know one day I will have to. Peace. Joe
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