Da808Dude

Hey Kevin, I really admire your self-control. I haven't posted in this thread, but just to preface this, I should say my ex had a mother who died of brain cancer and broke up with me back in late December. Granted, we only dated for 4 months, but we were each other's first loves (we were seniors in high school) and we had a lot of firsts together. But I think everyone who has had someone break up with them due to grief has had similar experiences when it comes to healing, so that's why I feel compelled to write to you here. The relationship you once had is gone. It's not your fault, and it honestly isn't hers either - it just is, a symptom of her grief. I promise you, she still cares about you. But the truth is grief and the loss of someone so close, like a father, just fucks people over, no matter how they respond. It's a really, really traumatic event. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: She viewed the relationship as a stressor, and feels like you deserve more that she is able to give you, and feels guilty she can't give anything to you, so she just cuts contact. This is a very common response to some people who deal with grief, as I've come to know thanks to my experiences, all these threads, and people's experiences in them. Only she knows why she isn't contacting you, but there could be a few reasons why. It's probably because she feels guilty and torn for breaking up with you, and the way she deals with it is by avoiding you and anything you post. So yes, it is painful for her to see your daily life. She isn't heartless, she broke up with you because her dad died. That's the only reason. If he didn't die, you two would still be together. I know it's so tough because there was nothing you could have done, or assign any real blame to (like if she cheated, or found someone she thought was better, or if you treated her like s***), but life is life and s*** happens and we need to move forward. I really ask of you to just go through all these threads and just read them all, as so many people have been in your shoes and the insight you will get will be so beneficial. My advice to you is this (it's so hard converting thoughts into words, so forgive me if this comes out mean); your goal should be to move on and get over her. Regardless of the reason, she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Period. Try and forget the reason WHY she broke up with you, because now it's irrelevant. Focus on the fact that she DID break up with you, and move on accordingly. It doesn't help us to think, "oh gee, it wasn't my fault or hers, so we should hold on hope." I've been there. I think all of us here have. But really try to move on, and eventually you will! Go out with friends, accept the fact that she doesn't want, or can't handle you in her life anymore(it took me so long to realize this but just try and understand this), go hook up with different people (or if that's not your thing or if you are too old for that, just meet new people of the opposite gender), focus on work and bettering yourself, and do all the s*** you do when you go through a normal breakup, because at the end of the day, a breakup is a breakup. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Luckily for me, it was just my first love in high school and I'm almost over it, and by the time I go to college in 2 months I won't even think of her anymore. I can't imagine if I was an adult in a serious relationship and that happened to me, so I really respect you. And I don't want to you to think I'm some young cocky guy but I think experience is experience, and hopefully you got something from this. Just remember that we deserve people that will stick with us through thick and thin, and that wasn't them, and that should be enough of a reason to get over them. I wish you the best Kevin, I promise you'll get over it. And try to forgive her and forgive yourself.