Hello, my name is Rick, i'm 36, and I trapped my cat Bluebell in the tumble dryer yesterday, killing her. I was putting in my bedsheets and went looking the extension lead, as it's in a closet with no nearby plugs. I had noticed she had entered the closet, but was no where to found, there's not many places to hide other than the dryer (she has done this before). I thought of checking the dryer, but then thought "nah, I'm just being stupid, she just left and went somewhere else", so I switched it on, and headed upstairs to do a little exercise and get a bath.
After the bath, I came downstairs to talk to mum, and then as I was chatting to her I got a bad feeling for some reason "no way is she in there, I'm just being a worrier" but then I opened the dryer and she flopped out like in one of those horror films. I screamed her name picked her up and lay her in the hallway shouting "NO NO NO, BLUEBELL I'M SORRY" as my Mum screamed, I tried breathing in her mouth, rubbing her, checking her throat for a pulse, listening to her chest for a heartbeat, but she was long gone. I took her upstairs and wrapped her in a towel so my Mother wouldn't see her like that. I kept stoking her and crying and crying, breathing in her mouth, listening for a heartbeat, and then I dug a hole in the garden and hour later, brushed her fur for the last time, wrapped her in my favourite Iron Maiden flag and lay her in the hole and covered her saying "sorry, I'm so sorry". I put a stone rabbit in place of a grave marker while I wait for the one I ordered from eBay to get here.
Bluebell was found at my Mum's place of work, orphaned at only 4 weeks and nearly dead from starvation. Mum took her to the vet, they gave her fluid and some meat pâté and we took her home where I fed her cat formula several times a day. She grew up fit and healthy with the most loving and mischievous personality, she would follow me everywhere, lick my face as if I was another cat, she was so beautiful and everyone that met her, loved her. And I failed her in one moment of lazy stupidity, and now she's dead, I could have prevented it, I should known better, I talked about this nightmare scenario with my Mum so often and how we had to "be careful and ALWAYS CHECK THE TUMBLE DRYER" and my little girl, my Baby Blue payed the price, my Mum's paying the price, when it should only be me. If I could die to bring her back, I would, that's how much I loved her, she helped so much with my depression and now I feel so alone, no matter how much I talk about it with Mum, no matter how many people tell me it's not my fault.
It wasn't meant to be like this, I was thinking that day, that I would be in my fifties by the time she passed away of old age, but that was false and I can't stop blaming myself. I haven't slept much or eaten much either, I lay in my bed last night with YouTube on to have some noise to distract my mind, because when it's quiet I see her flopping out of the dryer. Those sheets have been put in the bin and we covered the tumble dryer until we can have it removed in February.
I keep hearing sounds similar to her jumping on my window sill, I hear the other cats running around upstairs and I think of her jumping around and making noise.
I plan to adopt a shelter kitten, so at least Bluebells death can give another unfortunate animal a loving home. I'm going to plant Bluebell flowers on her grave when spring comes.
I can't begin to describe how much she meant to me, I've lost my best friend on the whole world, I keep bursting into tears as I write this, and nothing I usually enjoy helps, I've no stomach for any of it. Sorry if this is a scattering mess of a post, I just need to get it out there. I'm so sorry Bluebell, you deserved better.