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Sick and tired

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    LISBURN

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    CA
  • Date of Death
    07/01/21
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  1. He has such lovey, happy face. It makes me smile. Great wee fella
  2. Thanks Kayc. Whenever I use potentially dangerous appliances like a dryer, I'll be extra careful. As for the tumble dryer, it's now in my garden, covered, and awaiting collection to be recycled. I can't even look at it and I don't think I'll ever use one again, I even threw out the extension cord. It just feels better knowing I never set eyes on them again. Sometime in future I want to post more about Bluebells life, her habits and quirks that made her stand out I'll put up some videos and more pictures.
  3. Sorry for you and your cat, she had one very long life, you must have taken very good care of her 🙂 I read the ones you posted for other people, and it's what made me share my story. I would encourage others to read them and share their grief too. It helps a lot. Today as I was talking to Mum about the whole horrible situation, I came to a realisation, that Bluebell must have gotten into the dryer before I put the bedsheets in, as there's no way she would get onto wet clothes, and even if I had stopped to put my hand in before turn it on I would have never realised she was there. She was buried under heavy wet sheets and would have most likely died of asphyxiation or at least been unconscious by the time I had found the extension cable for the dryer to turn it on. There was nothing I could've done differently to change it, it was bad combination of the dryer being in a dark closest and being black would make her hard to spot, and a lot of big heavy sheets coving her up. With this in mind I feel I can go easier on myself, and grieve and cry and remember how happy she made without guilt having me go around in circles. I know it will always hurt to some degree when I think of her, but It's gotten a little easier today thanks to my talks with Mum, reading everyone's stories here and sharing mine. It's a long road ahead, but I feel for the first time I'm going to be ok. Take care everyone, I'll be reading your stories and even if I don't happen to leave a comment I'll be sharing in your grief.
  4. That's beautiful little dog, it sounds as if she had a fantastic life with you and your family. My little cat Bluebell died two days ago, and I can relate to your feelings. It only natural to take the ones we love for granted, not knowing how much we love them till they're gone, and hating ourselves for not spending more time with them, or taking more photos, or doing more for them, it goes on and on. They're always there and we feel there's going to so much time before they go. Macy knew how much you loved her, and loved you in return. Animals will usually find a quiet place to pass away and giving her the space she needed to relax as much as possible at the end was a good thing. I'm sorry for your loss and I know how you feel.
  5. Thank you for the reply, it helps. I'm sorry for what happened to you, it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known he was in your car. I've read a lot of the stories here and I feel for everyone who had/has to feel like this. I've never felt like this before. I had to have cats put down in the past, it was sad, I cried, but I knew it was the best thing for them, I could live with that. But this is very different, cruel kind of feeling. But being here helps.
  6. Hello, my name is Rick, i'm 36, and I trapped my cat Bluebell in the tumble dryer yesterday, killing her. I was putting in my bedsheets and went looking the extension lead, as it's in a closet with no nearby plugs. I had noticed she had entered the closet, but was no where to found, there's not many places to hide other than the dryer (she has done this before). I thought of checking the dryer, but then thought "nah, I'm just being stupid, she just left and went somewhere else", so I switched it on, and headed upstairs to do a little exercise and get a bath. After the bath, I came downstairs to talk to mum, and then as I was chatting to her I got a bad feeling for some reason "no way is she in there, I'm just being a worrier" but then I opened the dryer and she flopped out like in one of those horror films. I screamed her name picked her up and lay her in the hallway shouting "NO NO NO, BLUEBELL I'M SORRY" as my Mum screamed, I tried breathing in her mouth, rubbing her, checking her throat for a pulse, listening to her chest for a heartbeat, but she was long gone. I took her upstairs and wrapped her in a towel so my Mother wouldn't see her like that. I kept stoking her and crying and crying, breathing in her mouth, listening for a heartbeat, and then I dug a hole in the garden and hour later, brushed her fur for the last time, wrapped her in my favourite Iron Maiden flag and lay her in the hole and covered her saying "sorry, I'm so sorry". I put a stone rabbit in place of a grave marker while I wait for the one I ordered from eBay to get here. Bluebell was found at my Mum's place of work, orphaned at only 4 weeks and nearly dead from starvation. Mum took her to the vet, they gave her fluid and some meat pâté and we took her home where I fed her cat formula several times a day. She grew up fit and healthy with the most loving and mischievous personality, she would follow me everywhere, lick my face as if I was another cat, she was so beautiful and everyone that met her, loved her. And I failed her in one moment of lazy stupidity, and now she's dead, I could have prevented it, I should known better, I talked about this nightmare scenario with my Mum so often and how we had to "be careful and ALWAYS CHECK THE TUMBLE DRYER" and my little girl, my Baby Blue payed the price, my Mum's paying the price, when it should only be me. If I could die to bring her back, I would, that's how much I loved her, she helped so much with my depression and now I feel so alone, no matter how much I talk about it with Mum, no matter how many people tell me it's not my fault. It wasn't meant to be like this, I was thinking that day, that I would be in my fifties by the time she passed away of old age, but that was false and I can't stop blaming myself. I haven't slept much or eaten much either, I lay in my bed last night with YouTube on to have some noise to distract my mind, because when it's quiet I see her flopping out of the dryer. Those sheets have been put in the bin and we covered the tumble dryer until we can have it removed in February. I keep hearing sounds similar to her jumping on my window sill, I hear the other cats running around upstairs and I think of her jumping around and making noise. I plan to adopt a shelter kitten, so at least Bluebells death can give another unfortunate animal a loving home. I'm going to plant Bluebell flowers on her grave when spring comes. I can't begin to describe how much she meant to me, I've lost my best friend on the whole world, I keep bursting into tears as I write this, and nothing I usually enjoy helps, I've no stomach for any of it. Sorry if this is a scattering mess of a post, I just need to get it out there. I'm so sorry Bluebell, you deserved better.
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