janiceneumann

Kayc, Thank you again for your reassuring messages. It makes perfect sense when you say it. I've just had trouble seeing it that way when it comes to me. But your words really help. Take care. Janice

Thank you. Now I'm feeling much worse again. I was going through my history tab looking for some articles for my job and came across my e-mail to the vet about Max, as well as searches on his bladder thickening. I go a little crazy when my pets are so sick and in his case, I knew he had gotten a lot worse but over the week before his death, kept giving him meds, fluids, etc. somehow thinking everything was the same and if I tended to him enough, he would be okay. Because I had it in my mind he was okay, I think I got too impatient with him, yelling at him to be quiet when he meowed a lot, etc. He used to keep me awake at night even before he was sick, coming into my bedroom, meowing, etc. So I got into the habit of not letting him sleep with me. I would kiss him goodnight in the living room and give him love there but when he was sick and wanted to come into my bedroom, I kept the door closed. It wasn't just him, one of my other cats awakens me constantly and I was exhausted, which is also why I kept the door closed. I know it sounds terrible and feel horribly guilty about it. I just kind of kept telling myself he would be okay and didn't mean to let him suffer, but I know he did.

KayC, I really appreciate your kind response. It's very helpful too, incredibly so. I intend to re-read it and checkout the links and video. Thank you so much for taking the time. And you certainly sound like a saint...a wonderful pet owner. I'm very sorry for your loss, too. Janice

I had to have my 16-year-old cat Max put to sleep yesterday morning and miss him so much. I also feel very guilty that I was impatient with him at times when he meowed a lot and required so much care. He had gastrointestinal lymphoma and bladder thickening and it was the bladder thickening that became worse in recent weeks and ended causing him a lot of pain. He was on biweekly chemo pill, which I gave him at home and required other medications, as well as I.V. fluids several times weekly. The pain and discomfort was pretty well controlled until a few weeks ago when it gradually kept getting worse. I loved this cat so wanted to do this and take on the financial costs but then my other two cats and dog have have had problems and required a lot of home and vet care. Of course none of this was Max's fault but I was exhausted, haven't slept well for a year, etc. He was a wonderful pet and I wish I could focus more on the good memories.