I now realize why they say not to move the first year! I made the mistake of remodeling my bedroom during Don’s illness. Hired a novice that did nothing right. Paid him as I was afraid of retaliation. Waited a few months and started again. New guy works two hours a day! Now laying a floor takes time! At this rate he’ll be done in two months. Yesterday he no showed, so a new floor person today. Now, I’ve always been a discount girl, saving wherever I can, but, this will cost me double! Finances are another issue when husbands die! My income changes significantly . You’re not only grieving, you now have to pay a huge mortgage alone. I’m going to do my best to stay here. Rents in Napa are huge too.
Last night I was laying in bed, feeling sad and my mortuary guy texted me with sweet thoughts. He said Beth, I can’t stop thinking of you as I’m pondering the loss of my mother. He and I bonded the first time I called setting up arrangements. He even wanted to run errands for me. He forwarded a beautiful song about lost love. There is support around every corner.
I find if people didn’t make me feel better I run. I can’t stay in their judgement zone. Taking my inventory doesn’t work. My besties sister lost her husband to glioblastoma in November. We talk weekly. We have bonded because of this horrible disease. My husband had surgery, hers didn’t. He made it nine months, mine five months. I had no Dr visits. Only zoom. I’m resentful, as I feel they thought I was exaggerating his symptoms. I was exhausted as I gave him 24 hour care with zero help. His daughter was here 2-3 hours a day. That helped but, I changed him moved him and cleaned up. Hospice (thank goodness) came in ten days before he died. They marveled at how well I took care of him. Today every bone aches, muscles are hurting, I have fever blisters and cold sores. It’s like I couldn’t get sick when he was ill, and they’re hitting at once. Thank you for listening. I know I need to write, it helps me. I did a Caringbridge page for five months. I was raw and forthright, some people were shocked at my truths. That’s me. We had about 250 people reading it. There’s no way I could have talked to all of them. CaringBridge was a God send.
Thank you for being here. Now, if I’m not back right away means I’m just busy. Not leaving. 💔