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About Melonfarmer

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Resting Waters Aquamation, Seattle, WA (USA)

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    Seattle, WA

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  1. I'm so sorry. As if the loss of pets wasn't enough, we have to deal with this awful pandemic. I hope Suki will be able to come home soon.
  2. LittleDogMacy, how are you doing? Your experience sounded traumatic and swift. So many thoughts about regret. Interestingly, a pet grief counselor told me this week that turning guilt into regret is a positive step. I hope you've recovered and been able to make peace with the passing of your sweet Macy.
  3. I tell you what I learned along the way. I had a cat who was diabetic, had CKD, also treated for hyperthyroidism. She had been abandoned at an apartment complex and I took her in. She was probably already a senior but I wasn't sure. After I'd had her about 5 years, I got the chance to go on an island vacation for 3 weeks, all paid. I was a little worried because my cat had been peeing on the bed and needed insulin twice a day, but I found a pet sitter to care for her. Had a great time. About 3 weeks after getting back, she started losing weight rapidly and threw up dark red, grainy vomit. Wher
  4. Have you seen any of the kittens since? I know this is a late reply but can you put extra hay or insulation in your shelters just in case?
  5. How are you doing? Will having Suki back bring you peace? She was so beautiful inside and out and I am so sorry for your loss.
  6. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your sweet Cookie. If guinea pigs are still considered rodents, then I can sympathize completely. When I was about 11, I had a pet rat named Mousey. He was so smart! He'd come when we called his name, even when outside in our yard, and would gently nibble on us and was so playful and inquisitive. Mousey didn't live a long time but we treasured the time we had with him. I think you're experiencing the should've could've guilt that always comes with the loss of pet due to illness. As MartyT said, you're not a veterinarian, or clairvoyant. But you did g
  7. Did you find out what happened to her?
  8. When our beloved pets are in such pain, with no promise of resolution, the answer is clear. Releasing their poor bodies is the kindest thing we can do. We can't let our loved ones suffer. I'm so sorry on the loss of your precious boy.
  9. Yesterday I dreamed my cat came back from the dead. He was in the same position as when I retrieved him and lay him gently on the counter, I kept stroking his head and then he moved and stretched as if he had been taking a nap. I was so happy. In the dream I was thinking to myself, I'm so glad I didn't take him to the crematory yet. Then I woke up. Still not sleeping and eating much. My life is different, hollow. I know I can't change anything but don't see any way around feeling 100% responsible anyway. I killed my child. Will be speaking with a pet grief counselor tomorrow.
  10. KayC, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend or disrespect anyone or anything said here. I came to this forum basically to confess what actually happened and try to come to terms with what I did. My partner and friend are the only people who know. With others I've been silent about the details because I have so much shame, guilt and self-hatred. What I want is something I can't have, to turn back time.
  11. Knowing this has happened to so many other people doesn't make me feel better.
  12. MartyT, thank you for replying. I'd like to read the articles but but when I click the links they go to my personal blogger account. I tried signing out of blogger and clicking the links but Google insists I log back in and I can't get any further.
  13. I woke up feeling sad and teary today. Reading another person's year-long thread, with many letters, poems and song lyrics to her dog, made the hurt fresh again. Tomorrow I pick up my cat's remains. A part of me doesn't want to because it's another step into this painful reality I'm living through. I've been doing the best I can to stay really busy and distracted and am not really sleeping or eating. I feel dead. A friend of ours said I need to cry and scream, to go deep into the grief in order to get past it. I don't know about that. I think if I go deeper I'll probably hurt myself; no pun
  14. I read the whole post and am touched by the obvious love you had for V and the enormous sense of loss over her death. I just lost one of my cats a few days ago through a terrible and tragic accident, so I feel your pain acutely. It is truly awful to go through several diagnoses until you finally get to the one vet who speaks frankly about your pet's condition. Of course, by then it's usually time to say goodbye and that bluntness releases so much emotion, while dashing any hopes you had left. You did everything you could and V knew she was loved. I'm so sorry her life was cut short. I can h
  15. Thank you. Tears are falling as I write my grief letter. It's going to take a long time to feel normal. Maybe once his ashes arrive and we have a little ceremony there will be some closure. Maybe. A LETTER TO MY CAT I AM SO SORRY. At this moment I am wracked with guilt and despair over your death. Obliterated. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. The guilt is crushing my chest. I’m screaming with grief inside. I feel like a part of me has died. We knew how you liked to hang out in the dryer and the other appliances. We knew it. And in a matter of minutes, years of everything we’ve bee
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