Amela

Marty T, thank you. I will definitely check out the links and readings. I have had my share of losses in the past, but no experience where I am unable to grieve/feel my loss. Our relationship, as far as I remember, have been good, we we are close, and loved each other so much as father and daughter. Perhaps it is something subconscious, or my brain is not ready for the sadness to come. I really don't know. 😢 but I will read the articles you mentioned. Thank you.

Hello everyone! My beloved father, rip, passed away suddenly exactly last month. Ever since he passed, I have been weird. I cycle between periods of crying, sobbing, getting just teary eyed, or plain not feeling anything. The latter bothers me the most because it lasts the longest and makes me feel like I am betraying my father. We were close, lived together, have made great memories together. He had been a fantastic father and has sacrificed a lot for me. So, why am I not feeling the pain,or anything? I was by his side when he died, for two days and nights, without sleep, I was glued to his hospital bed. I begged him to wake up, I held hope even when his death was staring me in the face. When his heart stopped, I just quietly stared at him. My father did not deserve this. I should be crying all the time. I should be feeling the pain of this great loss. Yet, I feel blocked. Like something switched off and won't let me feel. It's one of the most horrible things. Worse yet, sometimes people make me laugh. I don't want to laugh. I want to truly mourn him. My father deserved at least that much. The only feeling that seems to be there is guilt and feeling horrible that I am responding to his death like this. What is wrong with me?