alwayssad

I lost my best friend who was also my therapist on Saturday. I had been in treatment for 5+ years on a weekly basis. PT was the most intelligent, eclectic, funny, down to earth person that I have ever met. She made exploring scary issues and troubling thoughts and feelings an easy task. I looked forward to every meeting we had. I learned so very much about myself and the world in general. PT helped me thru the most trying and painful time of my life. The loss of my loving spouse of 40+ years. He was my reason for living and I felt as if I would never survive, quite obviously I have. I now am troubled and pained by her loss. She became my new rock, my new anchor to reality. I have never had a firm grip on reality and I have spent 54 years in one type of therapy or another. My spouse loved me despite my mental health issues and he helped me become a better person. After his traumatic loss PT started helping me climb back up to reality. I don't know how things are going to turn out now, but I am going to keep on trying. I owe it to the many people in my life who have helped me throughout the years. They and I have fought too hard to give up now. I come to this web site to hopefully connect with others who have similar lives. Sometimes it's just a matter of being able to reach out and know someone is there. I am quite alone and quite lonely. My spouse and I really only had each other, we never really socialized. Grief is a really hard issue to handle and we all handle it differently. Every time I feel as if I am getting a handle on things, another very important person in my life dies and it all comes crashing down again. I have lost four brothers and sisters , both my parents, both grandparents, both in-laws and multiple friends, including one whos funeral was 3 Saturdays ago, not to mention PT and my Darling spouse. I have nursed several of these people around the clock for many, many months till they passed on. I am spent I can not do this again.

I am new to this group. Although I have been a widow for almost 5 years now I too was married for over forty years. My husband was the only person I have ever dated or been with. the same for him. we were each others firsts. When he died I thought that I would die also, I begged God to take me too so we could stay together. I knew nothing of life except what I experienced as a couple. I can only tell you that it does indeed get easier, I can't say better, but easier. I have not gone to bed one time since he passed without having a discussion with him. I tell him about my day and ask him about his, it is a ritual now. I feel as if we are still side by side. I talk about the past and about the future and what it holds for me/us ultimately. All of the sacrifices that we made for each other can not be for naught. I owe it to him to carry on as best that I can. I try to do things in his honor, things that if he were alive he would be doing. Volunteer things and the like. You will find strength thru others and thru the memories of your wife. Try to do at least one thing that you weren't able to do the day before and continue that action day after day. Just one thing more. Routine will take over and you will begin to start a new path for yourself. You will never forget the time you had with your loving wife but there will come a time when her loss will not haunt you. A time when the good memories of the past will be there but also dreams of a new future will start to slowly bloom. Take your life one day at a time, do not look to far ahead it will overwhelm you if you do. There will be days when you can only manage one hour at a time. That is ok too. God Bless