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Grief Healing Discussion Groups


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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    my pet cat
  • Date of Death
    last day february 2021
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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    jacksonville, florida

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  1. Sticky notes, great idea! I'm gonna do that
  2. still check each time habitually if you have remaining cats or get new ones. hard to get to, is not a term in a cat's dictionary.
  3. maybe also, you believe she still exists in heaven and fully "gets" you and how you are living without her. Maybe she beams love down on you 24/7 or something, but if you believed she was gone forever, and she was the only person to ever really love you, maybe you'd want to cry for yourself, that you lost that source of love. One problem I have is, I feel like no one really loves me at all, only my cat did. I used to say my grandma did, but I think her love was conditional and not really what i would consider total, full, perfect love. She would get mad at me, pick arguments, turn against me, etc in life, try to control me, that isn't love to me. if she loved, it was a possessive love due to thinkin she had to care for me because i was part of her group of people in her life, but my cat just loved me whole, did not pick and choose, turn against me. She never did aything to limit my growth as a person, to stop me from living life, she never tried to control me (yea, i know cats are in a way controlling lol but i don't mean like that). she accepted me at all times, all states of mind, health, etc. i really feel my cat Althea had the most beautiful sense of love in her heart, i think she liked and remembered fondly everyone else in her life too, but she loved me deeply in a powerful way, i had taken her round to say goodbye to her original family next door, she would have the, imprinted on her mind as a kitten yknow, all that, yet still just showed a sort of basic like for them, it was like oh "hi, original family, i guess hg88 has brought me here to inform you i am dying, see ya later, ps you guys are alright, but now let me get back to beaming love to hg88 because hes my main guy no offense lol". They knew it too and always said it long before she died, how she loved me so much. stuff like that then makes me cry almost like tears of joy, remembering how wonderful that was, that she did that for me, we met and she liked me so much, she chose me to be her main person, most beloved. it is such an honor! wow. so the tears here now are like beautiful feeling, sad and poingant but not in that dreary depressing way, it's like suddenly feeling full of meaningfulness and deepness of life experiences. enriched by love from my cat. it's interesting how you used to react to your wife crying. i am the opposite, if i see family crying or upset, i dont do anyhing, i basically get out of their way and leave them too it, maybe because i am able to cry myself, i know i dont need someone telling me stupid things or jokes or even well meaning advice to stop me crying, its like no... i want to do this, its all part of it, i literally dont want to just be flat and dry and emotionless about it, this person was so much to me, i want gothru the intense emotions of it, it feels like a testament to how intense their love was. but that's me, i think you are just different so it's not wrong for you not to cry, you believe she is in heaven waiting. she is "on vacation", that's all. I remmeber when i was 7, my mothers father died. i was out playin with friends, my father came to tell me. he seemed sad, he liked my mothers father and had known him long time. but i was like oh... and went to the abthroom and looked at my face all serious and then pulled a silly face and laughed at it all, lauged that he died or that everyone was all sad, i'm not sure anymire. I liked him, had nothing against him etc, so idk why I didn't care at all and thought them being sad was weird and funny. I knew i had to pretend to be sad, but i wasnt. (Geez dont i paint a picture of myself like Burke Ramsey? LOL)
  4. If you were raised with belief in afterlife and have actively believed it throughout your life, I can see why you would not cry over loved ones passing. If my loved one goes on vacation, I'm happy for them, and happy for me. I don't mourn them, I don't feel bad to live myself. I don't feel eternally cut off from them or their love. They're just in a different location. If they called and said "yeah, we're actually just gonna stay here, maybe you can come one day" I would be like oh...ok. If someone kidnapped my cat, but left a note saying "I have kidnapped your cat, there is nothing you can do to find her or me, I covered every possible track so don't even bother. But, relax, I just wanted your kitty, I'll take great care of her and she has already met and fell in love with my kids and our puppy! She is loving it!" I don't think i'd cry either, I'd be pissed someone took my damn cat lol but then go well if she is happy and making them happy I'm ok with not having her anymore myself. But yes when I think from the "default assumption" as i was raised, that we are just the body which died so our consciousnes which was a function of the body simply stops functioning forever and death is nonexistence, just nothing, not anything at all, no mind or consciousness to be having experiences etc - then death does feel very sad. Someone so vividly real, vibrant, brimming with life and personality and awareness and sense of self and sense of self in relationships with other selves (other people), all that just *poof* turns off, done and gone forever, all their love, hate, whatever just out like a candle blown. Eapecially sudden untimely deaths, makes life seem like a sick joke, that we all just live until some random thing wipes us out and all that we lived and worked for is just left hanging in suspence forever peft incomplete by our sudden death... what is that? I think in a way the devastating emotions this view of life and death can induce might be a proof of how wrong it is. And maybe your lack of ability to cry, is due to having the more right belief that there is afterlife, only bodies are dying, souls are fine. I mean why would you cry? I get in a car accident, car is totalled, I happen to have escaped without a scratch! ad family member, do you cry or celebrate? if people die physically and spiritually go to heaven, why cry? why not celebrate? it completely changes the whole thing to me, then really the only sadness is waiting till it's your time, and that could also be spun into an excited anticipation that energizes and motivates while still living. Personally, I can cry. I could EASILY not cry, but for me that would mean being an asshole, being indifferent to it and ignoring it, because my default assumption is still (even though i hate it) that death is the end, due to how i was raised with that implicit belief, so death is sad, i feel the loss not only as temporary but forever, they are forever separated from me by dying, because the only chance of knowing them is one living being to another. I don't believe in an enthusiastic way there is nothing after death, i try not to believe it, but it seems to sit there sullenly like a big boulder and won't budge at all even though i try to move it. so ienvitably when i start dwelling on the thoughts of the loved one, a sadness arises, i picture them so tender and vulnerable, at their time of greatest need, dying, their whole physical system failing and me helplessly watching them die unable to help, and then i feel how beautiful and loving and just amazing they were in every way, it all seems to profound juat how incredible they were, their life was (keyword: was), and how empty life feels now for me without them. I will get teary here and then decide if I should stop or go further into it. But to stop at all seems wrong, feels wrong, feels like I'm choosing to be shallow and not care, when i do care and do want to dwell on it all. Idkis it worse to suffer the sadness or worse to be indifferent to it? it doesnt feel bad being indifferent to it in the moment, it feels bad upon reflection because then i'm meta-analyzing it all from these different levels, caring, not caring, dwelling, not dwelling, why am i caring or not caring etc. i also cry due to a feeling of guilt that i let them down or even when they were healthy did not appreciate them, ignored them, etc, because now i see how wonderful they were and wish i could redo my life and love them more and live life more with them together. I chose to be so selfish and selfinvolved my whole life, I hate myself for it. I honestly have a profoundly strong need to die, I generally hope I will die from various causes soon, and at some point each day you might find me privately begging God to kill me right now or let me die. I've used drugs and alcohol for years and I hope they have destroyed my inner organs so my lifespan is greatly reduced. I don't even get enjoyment or anying from them anymire, I just do it to die sooner. I know, sounds weird but true. And i cry because i feel like i lost that beautiful love, but forever. part of me just never fully buys it that there's an afterlife. i feel crazy when I do try to believe it especially because I hop right over into believing ever paranormal thing ever like ghosts etc. and it feels like why even live anymore? life has just been sucked dry of the mist important love for me, what is remaining? and it feels so bleak. so the crying is sometimes more for myself, like sad for myself. and that then involves overall life sadness, sad how my life turned out, that i got addicted to drugs and developed substance abuse disorder etc. sad life went that way when i had a normal childhood overall. it is not always this noble crying entirely for the lost Other, sadly, sometimes it is a selfish sorta cry. Nashreed, you don't need to respond to my post, i am sorta talking to you but also using it to process my own thoughts
  5. I read a story about a man who one day ran head first into a tree stump grinder that was on. What a way to go. I honestly thinkif my cat died in the dryer, I would want to kill myself and in a painful way, just to even out my sense of karmic debt for that ever happening in the first place. There's no way I could just go on living and one day laugh and feel good about anything!
  6. Does anyone else after reading all the tragic stories here annoy your families saying "MAKE SURE __________ ISN'T IN THERE!!!!!"? I do and it does annoy them, they roll their eyes like duh how would we ever not notice that? I've told them how shockingly common it is for cats to die this way, how steadily the reports pour in here, they don't want to hear about bad things so shut me up, and basically dismiss me for reminding and warning the, each time. Our remaining cat is not even that into the dryer, once in a while I've seen him sleeping on freshly dried clothes when someone has left it open, but in general I think he actually understands the risks. I have noticed this about some cats, some seem to be more aware and conscious of their immediate environment and its potential risks, you can see them thinking about it and deciding agaisnt something, it's pretty fascinating to observe considering so many professional idiots assert boldly that animals don't think at all (an absolutely absurd belief in my view). But other cats just seem too trusting, sometimes I think they are loved and protected a little too much, never having any kind of bad experience, they may not even have an understanding that such a thing is possible, after all if you were born into nothing but comfort and never had any problems or witnessed others with problems, would you be able to think outside that comfy box at all? Doubtful. Maybe stepping on the cat's tail once in a while is worth the yowling? Anyway i'd like to know what you all think of this, should there be an effort to get the makers of dryers to change their design due to this absolute holocaust on cats their products unintentionally allow for? Imagine the huge relief knowing it's not even possible anymore! I personally experience a rather intensive stress or fear when I hear the family talking laundry and don't know where the cat is or if he's loitering about near the washer and dryer. And it doesn't resolve till they're done and I've confirmed he's alive and well. I'm traumatized just by reading the stories, I cannot imagine the horror people go through with that and they might get my deepest sympathies of all because it's an unintentional horror and seems like a sick joke, a cat desiring warmth and comfort and shelter in a box as cats do, climbs in the open dryer and goes to sleep. Later he feels a towel thrown on him, ah no big deal it's just my silly loved ones playing with me, i'll pretend i'm still asleep. Oh, hm, they closed the door, no worries they must just be playing lol they'll open it any minute n- (sorry to be graphic but i feel we all need to be horrified by this fully to prevent accidents based in lazyness and assumptions that it could never happen to me)
  7. That's terribly sad to read of her last phase of life losing her senses. However sense of touch is a big one so she would have known she was home in her comfortable, safe places and with you. She would know your touch. Hope you don't mind me asking but were you not allowed to be there as she was put to sleep due to Covid stuff or were you just not able to witness it yourself? If it was the former, well I'm sorry to all who take that very seriously but I honestly think these people making the rules have a LOT to answer for, not letting people see dying relatives, webcam funerals. It drives me crazy. Sometimes it seems downright evil to me. Like, I'll risk getting sick, I'll even quarantine myself afterwards if it makes you feel better, just let me see my d y i n g loved one! I can't believe they have made so many people have webcam funerals - really, just think about that - over risk of a flu with like 99% survival rate. To me, it's totally crazy. Anyway, sorry for your loss of Miss Tizzy.
  8. So sorry for your loss. I bet Dixie was sad to leave you too, service animals seem to be very special beings. Everyone here has had similar loss, I don't think you'll bore any of us if you'd like to tell us more about Dixie, your life together, your memories and so on.
  9. I got teary eyed reading your story, favorite beau. And I agree with MartyT, you were clearly a great mommy to your Beau, in fact I don't think I've ever read of someone so devoted and sensitive to their cat's needs, with everything you did for him. The line in your story which stuck out to me most is this, "And even though his life was short, I loved him every second of it." I think that is the key thing here. What happened was an accident, perhaps you can learn from that and this will help you in your future relationships, as I'm sure you will be even more careful in future. And some people speculate that there is life after death, reincarnation etc, and that souls learn from their lives and deaths and move on to new lives with some of the wisdom they gained. Perhaps Beau learned something from this experience too? That in this world, accidents do happen, terrible tragedy can befall us even unintentionally caused by those we love the most. He just trusted you so much because he knew how good you were to him, he knew how much you loved him, but he did not realiize things can go wrong accidentally. If you had just stood on his tail, he would have lived and learned not to lay too close without alerting you to his presence, but sadly what happened happened. I don't think it was your fault at all but I genuinely do think you can learn from this how to be more aware in your movements. A similar tragedy happened in my family, with a bird. I have met with resistance when I suggest one can learn to be more aware of oneself, movements etc and can learn how to live more consciously, acting less out of impulse or reaction and more from clarity and awareness, but I still believe it is possible for us all to learn this way of living which is so important with our animal friends who are smaller than us and soft and the same for human kids. I think this will be a powerful learning experience for you and make you an even better "pet owner" in future - and you're already really, really great! I also agree with MartyT that the next animal friend you have will be very blessed to be with you and that all the love you had and have for Beau will find renewal in that lucky animal. I really got somethihg deep from how you wrote your story. Thanks for including all those details, so important for giving us an insight into your situation and what happened. Sometimes people try to be concise but then we fill in the blanks with our imagination and assume the worse, so I'm glad you shared all those details with us. I feel so bad for Beau, to be taken care of so tenderly and gently with all the love in the world, then suddenly... that. It is truly awful to think about and one of those shocking things about life. It still kind of amazes me that in life there can be all these wonderful refined things and yet such horrors and tragedies. It is kind of mind boggling! I personally believe your relationship with Beau is not over, it's just that things have changed. You may not meet him again for a while, or maybe you will, but I think the love you have with him will never die and will find its completion someday. Be hopeful for that! It gives me such a great hope to think one day i will be with my pets again!
  10. So sorry for your loss, Tinac. What kind of animal was Oscar? sounds like maybe a cat? if you have a pic of him and any good stories of his life with you i'm sure everyone here will be interested, i know i will. writing about it may help you process things and help you think clearly, so you are able to navigate through your feelings but not get hopelessly drowned by them. that's all we can do in my humble opinion, just try to understand the whole picture properly, factually, and get the real version of events squared away properly in our memoriesso there is no risk of remembering incorrectly and wondering anout this or that... After my cat died feb 28th i first wrote to my friend about it and then came here. it seemed important for me to get a written record early on because our memories can change with time and i wanted to know the truth of it. It can be a lot to process, you review your whole relationship to them over the years up to death and beyond. You may have thoughts and feelings that are irrational but present themselves with a forcefulness that is hard to deny. For example i kept wonderin did i somehow cause her to die? even though the realistic explanation is simply like your cat, something in her body went wrong, it led to her death. If it was the food she ate day after day, that i chose and bought myself, then yeah maybe in some way i could say i caused it, but we can't blame ourselves for that imho. What one cat does fine with, another may get problems from. Really, how are we to know even for our own health? and i also felt like did she die because I hadnt been paying as much attention to her, she lost the will to live? i felt that so strongly yet now see it's pretty irrational. animals seem to mostly have a strong survival instinct even if badly abused as there are many examples. hey, how about that cat that got froze and a guy buried him thinking he was dead and in the hole the tough cat thawed out and clawed his way back to life and went home? such a crazy, funny story showing just how intensely they want to survive, so i've basically got over that and do believe she understood i was simply busy with human things. I think she even had an understanding of what I was doing so it wasnt just a vague "hes busy" but she knew the specifics of it. I still have variations on these thoughts and feels everyday, and im still sad as heck two months later. I don't think it's just non-pet owners who ask those annoying questions about haven't you got over it etc, i think there are plenty of pet owners too who are like that, They take a different approach, either don't get as attached as we did or they have a different belief about life and death that makes them handle death better. Some people deiberately remain somewhat aloof so that when the time comes, they dont suffer. Many peopoe these days seem to prefer the most shallow life possible, any kind of deep feeling or thought is avoided, rejected, frownedupon, etc. everyone wants to live in this world of quick cut edited happy silly videos. People seem less inclined than ever to appreciate the other aspects of life. To a sensitive person, there is a lot of sadness in the world, in life in general, and lots of bad things happened, happening, and will happen in future. Much suffering in all species of life. Sometimes i wonder maybe we experience lives in this universe, to find out just how bad it would be if there was nothing more than this world; like perhaps when we die. we find out there is the other side, where there is no more death or suffering of loss, where there is just all great things. Perhaps we get bored of the perfect realm and wish to go back on the merry go round of life in this world, to play at being a finite physical being having all sorts of adventures. After all, even if you suffered your whole life, but then died and realized you still exist beyond your body, you'd probably laugh because that would mean the grief over lost loved onee was a bit mismatched; if reality is we are all souls that never die, only bodies die. then we have not lost our pets or companion animals forever, they have simply gone ahead of us and perhaps are waiting for us patiently. When your family member goes on holiday for weeks, you dont have a nervous breakdown and sob everyday, because you know you will see them again and everythings fine. Maybe you miss them a bit but that would be all i think. Anyway i'm sure Oscar knew he was loved deeply and loved/loves you too and still. He probably knew he was sick and old and might not live much longer, he probably just wanted to be with you in his last days. He left you with a gift of sorts; now, whenever you find yourself about to die in the natural course of your life, maybe you won't be afraid but hopeful because you know now you will possibly be able to reunite with Oscar and other lost loved ones who went ahead of you. I never realized this when younger but it seems that life gets inverted, the young fear death due to too many attachments to the living, the old embrace death knowing all their loved ones already went through it and might be awaiting them, and their attachments to things of the world have decreased accordingly. I'm 32 so not exactly elderly but I don't know, i feel old in my mind and i feel very few attachments to life remaining for me. Now i have that hope to see my cats and dogs again and my grandparents, it's kind of nice. I don't think that love can ever die, maybe Christianity is right and God is love and it is the highest truth and eternal quality of the soul. If you viewed life in this world as interaction of souls clothed by bodies, then it's a big drama about our relations to each other, and why do we care at all about anyone else? because we love them, they love us, and our relationships are maintaining that love, sorting it out so it can continue nicely. As much as you are hurting now, losing Oscar, you are hurting because of your great love for him and him for you. Your hurting is a beautiful thing if you think of it this way.
  11. that's what is callee the heart chakra in spiritual traditions. who knows what it really is in a scientific sense but there's something to that. you might find it "helps" to focus your inner feeling there relaxedly and think positive loving thoughts about your wife, maybe try to imagine you are still connected via your heart center. I don't know what your beliefe are but I almost feel like it is obligatory for us now to believe our loved ones still exist beyond their body. For the simple reason, imagine if you died instead and remained entirely yourself just without a body, and were still aware of your loved ones in some way? zhow would it feel if they were just done with you now you died? So based on that, I am believing and thinking of them and talking to them and trying to feel connected by my heart. Like, i know they are somewhere, not here, but I just can't accept they are gone like a candle flame gone out. I find i'm just too sensitive to ever accept the modern scientific atheist sort of worldview that we just die, were nothing but brains which die and the 'person' ceases to exist. I find that if that is the truth, then life is just like a sick joke and I reject it on principle, because all this, for nothing? the great struggle of existence, survival, passing on genes, family, all just to end in death? maybe it is true though, and the reason we suffer the loss of loved ones so much is because we know they were here and are now gone for good? so it hurts, because we want to believe life has eternal meaningfulness, that in the end everything is made right and all the bad things gone. I don't know. I personally don't want to live anymore, i jut don't, ive had problems with depression my whole life, even before losing anyone, which seems crazy to me now. But now after the losses, i just don't see why i am continuing, it feels cowardly to continue too like god, i dont even have the guts to do what i know is right and die now. cowardly clinging onto a life i hate and cant stand, tor what? i just have a feeing of being totqlly done, nothing left in life, no future, nothing on the horizon, its like im all burnt out, exhausted by it, i think due to my sensitivity to it all, my life experience has felt so long, im 32 but pretty sure ive got the mind of an 82 year old. sometimes i think id do better if inwasnt so lonely all the time, but its hard keepin your chin up when it feels like no one likes or cares about you at all, or even activrly dislikes you, maybe hates you, etc and the only people who loved you have died. I feel an emptinese too, ive felt it persistently for many years now. its like something in me is jut broken and beyond repair. maybe only death will fix it. i regret how i have lived so selfishly, there were so many times i coupd have spent it with my deceased loved ones and had wonderful memories now. instead i was egregiously selfish, by default. its just so painful realizing it fully now and realizing i lost my most precious Althea (my cat friend) to it. Well, realistically and rationally i know she was getting old,hadna health problem. and succumbed to it and died. but still, i cant shake the feelign that somehow i caused it, or being too involved in my own stupid selfish human life made her body think well time to die so she developed whatever it was that she died from. her heart was perfectly fine, after respiratory arrest it felt like ages before her heart stopped. she had years left in terms of heart health, i still dont even know and never will with certainty what exactly was wrong. probably kidney disease or somehing with her dogestive systme since she stopped eating a week prior. i just miss her so much, i keep think8ng about her hours before dying layign against the wall and then it hits me that she was old, ahe had sufh treat health i hoenstly never thought of her as old, she had literally perfect fitness, no stiffness running or jumping around, and this cat did jumping daily because she jumped onto a tree stump then to my window sill then to the ac window unit to wait to come in and then back down again going out. she did it daily, no probkems, and then inmmy room she liked to jump from bed to chair to chair, big hoppy leaps for each one, still had no problems she was like a monkey the ease she had with it all. so suddenly realizing not only is she old but about to die, or now realizing she died. its hard. i just want to hug and kiss her and melt into eternity together or soemthing and never be separated again. i feel a sense of exclusive love for her, wo i dont really want to just find a new cat friend, i already have them, but my bond with althea was so special and exclusive, it was unlike all others, and she was considerably more intelligent than other cats, i dont know how much that was my influence or just her nature but with althea i always felt like i was interacting with a complete person, you know how some animals you definitely see their persoality and quirks and what not but they still have a lot of wild animal in them, well althe jut had what idndescribe as a very self assured personhood, like she knew herself, she had self awareness, she was more than just her cat instincts, she had deep understanding of life and i could see how she would think, reflect on things in life. i feel a sense of devotion to her like it would be wrong to ever love and become that attached to anyone again, like it would hurt her wherever she is. i think about her every few seconds even when totally sidetracked with other work im supposed to be focusing on. its almost like every perceptual experience is tinged with sadness now, looking at the setting sun through the trees, all i see is sadness and loss in it, like an empty screen saver illusion of life playingbin front of me, as im somewhere else, distant and disconnected from life by the grief. my performance with my work career type things is suffering badly too, never been less interested or less inspired with it at all. it all just seems so stupid and pointless compared to the immensity of that love, how important it felt as she was dying.
  12. you are very welcome, i'm just glad my post wasn't misunderstood or taken as being insensitive, i was concerned. i know nothing really helps us, but sometimes it's good to get different perspectives on it all. i totally get how you feel though, i'm prety sad today myself. 😔
  13. note: sorry if i misgendered you, Frankie. no harm intended
  14. Frankie, I've been thinking about your post up there, where you walk in to the empty house etc. Imagine if you died before you met Coco? Just think of all that life time you had before you met Coco. Remember how long your childhood era seemed? All those days, maybe there were other people and pets, but not yet Coco. I assume something about you and Coco just worked and fit together right as friends, Made you like him and he like you. What did he like about you? Probably things you'd learned or picked up along the way, long before you met him, ways of being, living. So he liked you, for being you. Not for being Frankie + Coco, that bond developed after. He didn't know about your life before him, he didn't know if you had other pets or what you had done in life. He just liked you for how you are moment to moment as another living being, Now I'm picturing Coco the soul in heaven. Maybe in a special dog club, or on a personal walk with God through the endless hills. They talk about you. "So how is Frankie now, God?" "Why do you want to know?" "He's my friend" "Well..." "Well what? os everything Ok?" "You see Coco, sometimes when someone dies, it makes their loved ones feel sad, like all the love has gone away, everything that the person was to them seems to have vanished. It can be overwhelming" "So Frankie is having a hard time, over me?" "Sometimes. He's holding in there, you know Frankie he's a tough guy" "The toughest" "Right, but yknow, sometimes when he comes home to the empty house, he misses how you would greet him so happy to see him. That always made him feel so good, like someone really appreciated him just for being there. Now he doesn't have that at all, he walks in and there's nothing, silence, emptiness." "hmm. I understand. Gee, I don't like to think of Frankie suffering due to me." "It's because he loves you so much" "Yeah but it's not like I'm gone forever, my body just wasn't working right anymore" "Yup, that's kinda what happens, hey it was my first universe, gimme a break" "I was just sayin', God, not criticizing. If i was gone forever then yeah thatd be really sad, like all that love just dies and that's it? Excuse my language but that would be f**ked up." "Indeed, t'would" "Good thing the truth is that we are all eternal souls, but forgetting that makes life kinda fun, because of the possibility of dying." "True, true. There is that saying, 'we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not humans having a spiritual experience', I like that!" "Yep it's a good one. Gee I wish Frankie could know I'm right here waiting for him. And look at the clock, it's eternity. There is no time, there is no need to rush." "I have a question for ya Coco... which Frankie would you rather meet, current day Frankie but when he's gotten so depressed he's actually taken his life due to grief of losing you? or Frankie in old age, decades down the road, embracing his natural death with a peaceful smile knowing he's coming home and who will be waiting for him there?" "you mean me?" "duh" "Well of course My number one mission in life was Make Frankie Happy. Each time we did a nice thing or had a nice day together in the back of my mind I was like pssh, Frankie gonna remember this one for a long time lol, hes gonna smile big remembering this, that was how I planned for my mission to continue to completion in the event of my death" "Smart dog, Coco." "i try" "let's say no matter what, Frankie has 60 more years left, would you want him to be miserable the whole time?" "Heck no" "would you feel bad if he felt good sometimes?" "of course not, like i said, my #1 goal is Make Frankie Happy. unfortunately my bag of tricks were all bodily things. Sometimes I'd wag my tail real funny, Frankie got a kick out of that" "I remember. Is there anything you can do, without your old body, to make Frankie happy?" "Hmm. Idk maybe just think fondly of him every day and remember all the great times we had and feel good about it and feel excited to see him again - eventually?" "That would be nice" "Hey God, I was watching 50 First Dates before, hey imagine if Frankie forgot I even existed?" "He might not be suffering now" "But even suffering now is better than if I really never existed, he's suffering because he had so much love, still has so much love! it's connected to all the happiness intricately. Everything's connected, yknow?" "So I'm told" "Everything in life has its opposite. There'd be no sorrow if there was no love" "would that be worth it?" "No, in a way, even Frankie being sad and crying makes me feel good, uh what I mean is like, it shows me how much he cares. it's so touching! Hey I musta been some dog if Frankie is that upset over me, right God?" "You were the best friend Frankie ever had. He cherishes that deeply." "I do too. Aww man, wait till Frankie finally croaks lol I'm gonna be like BOO, guess who bro? remember this *woof*.? he'll be like omg Coco!! and i'll be like 😎in the spirit😎 hehe." "Patience, Coco. Frankie's got many adventures ahead of him. But he'll be back one day. They always come back home."
  15. HG88

    Cat loss

    24 dogs and cats... wow. *slow clap* LouiseJade, I'm sorry for your loss. I know i would feel exactly like you do in your shoes so dont worry about that, when a loved one dies, we reflect back on the time leading up to it and wonder if somehow it could have been prevented. We wonder if it was somehow our fault. Sometimes people do literally cause their cat's death, but this does not seem to be the case for you. Some people will think if not post, this is what happens when you let your cat out... but i personally think they have better lives being indoor and outdoor, if circumstanfes allow for both, and it is not always a death sentence, some cats go their whole life without anything bad happening outside, so i think we just have to allow for the possible risks that come with it, their freedom is important to them. regardless of what people will say, i think cats go a bit crazy being indoor only, so i am just saying this to give context, i don't think you should have any guilt about him being outdoors. it is very unfortunate and sad though. do you live on a very busy street or just normal neighborhood type cars passing every few minutes or what? if i lived by a main road, i wouldn't let my cat out, simply because when cats siht their prey across the street, they will lock in visually and ignore everything else and they might happen to run right as a car is passing. Sadly this is how many animals die, they are not used to cars, for example many owls die this way, same thing they lock in on their prey and swoop down and don't have in mind to watch for cars. I find it very sad and reflects poorly on us humans, we built a world uninhabitable to 99.999999% of species except our own. it is so insensitive of us, and most turn a blind eye and don't care. sometimes i think we might be in hell, because the world could be such a better place but people are just too ignorant and selfish. i think your cat was probably glad the lady helped him, at least he would feel safer not being in the road or just out in the open. it is true that he probably wanted you if you were bonded with him, but still she did a good thing there. he might have had a lot of internal organ damage and that wasn't visible, only his facial injuries. did the vet specifically say what happened in terms of any organ damage? he could have still been breathing simply because the damage was bad but not enough to end his life immediately on impact, so he held on a bit longer and then succumbed to the injuries. I don't mean to downplay the trauma of this terrible accident for you but i want to say that you are in a way better off losing your cat at 8 months old, than if he was 8 years old and had been with you entire time and then got hit and left there in the road. take how you feel now, multiply it by ten million, that's probably how much worse that feels. again, i recognize and respect your suffering, i'm just saying that's how i would think of it. we form attachments and bonds to them, they increase over time as both of us age and go through life together. recently someone was telling me about his 17 year old cat. it was nice but i felt a bit sad because i knew that meant this person is going to be saddened soon. 17 years, hes had his cat longer than his marriage and children. it's a tremendous loss. every death no matter the age is sad. if you at some point get another cat, please make a wise decision regarding the indoor outdoor situation. maybe your area is not safe, only you can determine that. maybe you can try to define their territory and keep them more or less on your own property or next door neighbors etc and try to prevent them from crossing the road. or simply keep them inside. or supervise their time outdoors, it is possible if one is dedicated to their well being. also consider the particular cat's temperament, personality etc. if you adopt an older cat, they may be more street smart already. or less inclined to bother crossing the road. they also run across chasing each other in territory disputes, bear that in mind. Anyway, LouiseJade, have you ever felt like you have a mission in life or that you live for a purpose, for example taking care or your parents etc? and you think sometimes that you cant let yourself die from anything because of that mission? well i have come to believe that our pets when strongly bonded to us, feel a similar sense of responsibility for us, and i think when they are sick or injured and dying, they are probably just wishing it wasnt happening, wishing they could be back home and safe and happy with us, they are probably feeling bad as if they did something wrong, like how children might hear their parents arguing and assume they are the cause of the argument, i think animals might have a similar sort of concept. I'm telling you this so you don't get stuck thinking thoughts like, did he think i didnt care? did he wonder why i wasnt there? i don't think so, the shock of his accident would have obviously been a big trauma for him in his young life. it is possible he was not even fully conscious. Sometimes i hesitate to post my thoughts because I know sometimes i express difficult things that may hurt someone who is very sensitive and grievin etc. i never intend for that and only try to share thoughts that i find useful to think overall in our grief.
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