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Everything posted by HG88

  1. So sorry for your loss, Tinac. What kind of animal was Oscar? sounds like maybe a cat? if you have a pic of him and any good stories of his life with you i'm sure everyone here will be interested, i know i will. writing about it may help you process things and help you think clearly, so you are able to navigate through your feelings but not get hopelessly drowned by them. that's all we can do in my humble opinion, just try to understand the whole picture properly, factually, and get the real version of events squared away properly in our memoriesso there is no risk of remembering incorre
  2. that's what is callee the heart chakra in spiritual traditions. who knows what it really is in a scientific sense but there's something to that. you might find it "helps" to focus your inner feeling there relaxedly and think positive loving thoughts about your wife, maybe try to imagine you are still connected via your heart center. I don't know what your beliefe are but I almost feel like it is obligatory for us now to believe our loved ones still exist beyond their body. For the simple reason, imagine if you died instead and remained entirely yourself just without a body, and wer
  3. you are very welcome, i'm just glad my post wasn't misunderstood or taken as being insensitive, i was concerned. i know nothing really helps us, but sometimes it's good to get different perspectives on it all. i totally get how you feel though, i'm prety sad today myself. 😔
  4. note: sorry if i misgendered you, Frankie. no harm intended
  5. Frankie, I've been thinking about your post up there, where you walk in to the empty house etc. Imagine if you died before you met Coco? Just think of all that life time you had before you met Coco. Remember how long your childhood era seemed? All those days, maybe there were other people and pets, but not yet Coco. I assume something about you and Coco just worked and fit together right as friends, Made you like him and he like you. What did he like about you? Probably things you'd learned or picked up along the way, long before you met him, ways of being, living. So he like
  6. HG88

    Cat loss

    24 dogs and cats... wow. *slow clap* LouiseJade, I'm sorry for your loss. I know i would feel exactly like you do in your shoes so dont worry about that, when a loved one dies, we reflect back on the time leading up to it and wonder if somehow it could have been prevented. We wonder if it was somehow our fault. Sometimes people do literally cause their cat's death, but this does not seem to be the case for you. Some people will think if not post, this is what happens when you let your cat out... but i personally think they have better lives being indoor and outdoor, if circumstanfe
  7. If your CD collecting and listening is or has always been a pleasure for you, I'm sure your wife would still support you in that way and not have any bad feelings about how you spent money. I think money is possibly the last thing anyone cares about once they die, assuming the soul lives on elsewhere. Sometimes we have petty arguments in life over things that really don't matter and then we hang on to the bad feeling we got arguing and assume the other person permanently holds that particular view. But life is never like that, only in our heads. Real life and real people are always changing, h
  8. Sorry for your loss, Caleb. There are some very good caring and compassionate people on this forum whose posts you may find interesting and helpful to read. I'd encourage you to read different threads, even if their story is not quite like yours, we are all here due to the grief of losing someone we love so much. If you have time and feel comfortable with it, please share details about your dad and his passing. It's helpful for us to get a clear full picture of what you are going through. Edit: about panic attacks. I understand, I have had them caused by grief too, it's like the sh
  9. If it is not a genuine visitation dream (presuming such things are real) then just randomly dreaming of her (your mind creating the image of her) might not be very helpful for you at all. Sometimes dreams are like that and you cannot really interact with the person because they are not really there, it's all our mind's creation. But I certainly am open to the possibility that visitation dreams can be real so remain available. You are probably right rhat thinking of her during the day, you are processing the whole thing that way, when you then fall asleep your mind is sorting through irrelevant
  10. Sorry for your loss, Amela. Maybe your dad would not want you to cry and mourn his death but to feel happy for the life he lived and time you spent together. If it was you that died and he was fine, what would You want him to do? Mourn you 24/7 till he dies or continue with life being himself and doing what he likes to do? Would you be mad, if you saw your dad happy, laughing, enjoying something? What about if he leaned back stretching and said to someone, ahhh life is good? I bet Amela that you would instead be happy to see him happy, because you would know that his happines
  11. So here's an experience I had that may be of interest. Posted before but in the midst of a giant post so probably overlooked. My dad has always been an atheist, actively disbelieving. He's a scientist. I was raised basically like that as my mother is agnostic but indifferent to it all. He remarried and won custody of me so i lived with him and my step-mom and step-grandma and stepsister. They were all Catholics and grandma was most devout, praying Catholic mass every day. They always avoided discussing their differences but were well aware. Anyway, grandma passed away in
  12. this reminds me of Randy Newman's song "We Belong Together" from a Toy Story movie. I have been playing it lately because i really like the line "so dont forget, of the future should take you away, that youll always be a part of me!" the song is basically about a romantic relationship i guess but i apply it where suitable to my situation
  13. Sorry to being up an old thread but just wanted to say I find the above so relatable and interesting and have felt it for each death in the family. it freaks me out a bit because my memory will play trivks on me, like I know realistically i must have spent way more time with Althea than without her during her lifespan, but my memory will just show me endless seeming selfish days where I had no time for her, and feel such terrible guilt about that, and then I try to remember specific days with her and all I get is basically a vague one memory fits all sort of generalized memory of her. I also r
  14. Guest so very sad, it's a shame you only have a guest account (?) because I had just read through this thread and was going to send you a personal message because sometimes it feels a bit more real to know someone reached out for you privately. Anyway, just want you to know I feel for you, it must feel so wrong to lose both your children like that and then know that some day your mother too will be gone too. My grandma lived with us for over twenty years, and she was always grandma aged to me but now I see how she was much healthier early on than the last phase of life. She still got out of th
  15. and recently i wrote to my mother who lives in a different country and finally told her my whole story because she did not know most of it how it really was. basically told her about 12 years or substance abuse, mental illness etc. know what her reaction was? none! never responded at all. too much to handle for her, maybe, thats why i never told her. but i got my mental issues from her! her side of the family all have or had soemthing related and i got it absolute worse, like all of them combined doesnt even hold a candle ro how bad it has been for me. they maintained normal lives. they got ma
  16. everythin got much worse for me, and i was already in a pretty bad state before she died, ive been living with my mental illness since late teens, unmedicated or rather self medicated, and life had already being getting so much worse from 25 onwards, now.....pssh! better be a big reward for this crap in the afterlife, or something at least to make it all feel worthwhile and meaningful and not just how horrible life can become. i'm totally hopeless for the future too, every day suicide seems more and more absurdly obvious, but that would hurt my remaining cat so it's off the table. he is suffer
  17. I used to work with a guy who had this story. He said for a while life was real bad and every day after work he'd sit in his garage with a shotgun in his mouth wanting to pull the trigger. On the night he felt more sure than ever he had to do it, still he decided he'd postpone it and went to work next day like usual. Ended up randomly saving a young family of four from a burning car in a terrible road accident, they would've all died without him jumping into action and being there and having the courage to risk his own life for them. I haven't asked but i don't think he's suicidal anymore.
  18. Just wondering, if someone without your knowledge decided you are suffering too much, therefore they will end your life for you, yet without their compassion you'd have another week or two or a month or a year left, each day with hardships but also opportunites for feeling love with loved ones, continung together in life's drama even to the terrible end, would you agree with their thinking or asset your need to live despite your physical suffering? (Note: I'm sorry i don't mean to be contentious but i think this issue deserves a lot more consideration than people give it, I am alw
  19. I just realized this is from early February but MelonFarmer mentioned his cat's presence on social media. You asked what to say there to everyone who knew of him etc, Maybe you could bring awareness to the extreme danger an open dryer door is to cats, the more people become aware of how shockinly common it is for cats to die this way, the better. once the thought is drilled in, you will never turn a dryer on without double checking both that it's empty and where exactly your cat is in the house to be extra sure, this x1000 for anyones whose cat has been in the dryer before, been seein checking
  20. Rick, I read your story and the followup posts. Much of what I'd like to say to you, I just posted here : in response to someone with a similar situation if you would like to read it and think of Bluebell. She was a strikingly beautiful cat from your pictures, very cool deep eyes. As you will read, I think our pets are teachers in some special way, and I think the lesson Bluebell left you is obvious based on yoir story. Next time, you will know now, don't ignore your intuition! You need to develop your sense for that more I'm afraid. It is a sense, it can be ignored, or taken ser
  21. Shae, I felt very sad reading your post and I can tell you are deeply devastated that this even happened. The fact that you do feel destroyed, is, in a way, a good sign, it means your heart is in the right place. Think of people who feel nothing at an animal's death, or think nothing of killing them. You are way beyond them in your soul, please do not let this incident make you think you are a bad person! It was, ultimately, an accident. Although cats are very smart and often comprehend possible dangers by thinkin several steps ahead, I believe some cats are raised so lovingly that they
  22. You're welcome, CatandDog, and I was glad to see you could relate to my story. I read every word of your reply. Something I've come to believe from reading many stories on this forum is that our pets must have a very similar notion of death and parting with their loved ones as we do. Some people say animals have no concept of their own mortality, I think that's BS, they definitely do once they become sick more than ever before. It's like something within tells them it's coming. And many stories relate things very similar to how Roxy came when you whistled for her and she sat on your chest
  23. Thank you for reading and understanding, KayC. It was very hard, I'd seen all of the birds since they were babies when it was just their mother raising them. I knew the songs of the males, I easily recognized each female even though female finches tend to look very similar. At the end of the day, a cage is a cage so I hoped maybe that initial excitement of being freed into a summer day was an exciting peak of their lives that would somehow make up for what must be a hard life outside if they are still around. There was little hope of getting them back. It left the remaining grandmother and eld
  24. Wow, I fell asleep on the living room couch early this morning. When I woke up I was still very tired and dazed and had this notion that Althea was in my room, just sick or not feeling too well, so I left the living room and enterer my room, "Althea? Altheeea? where the heck where are you?" and got as far as looking arounr my room confused, certain I'd left her in there and she wasn't outside, and then I remembered she'd died and was buried right outside. This is the longest I've done that yet, usually I catch it within a second or two, here it didn't dawn on me till I couldn't find her. I'm g
  25. I'm sorry to go on endlessly about my birds! I had just read the article about multiple losses etc so was thinking about it all. Losing my cat Althea is still the #1 loss for me, pretty much anything else I'm doing day to day now is just to relieve my mind of comstantly missing her, so even typing up the long history of our finches was a nice distraction. I was reading a lot of Quora question/answers today on ghosts, dying process experiences etc and now I'm wondering if Althea's spirit is still here somehow, mostly because I'm worried that if she is, and I am not able to perceive her, w
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