Interrupted

Thank you for your kind reply and for telling me your story. I am sorry the police did not do what they should have done, which was to hold the man who preyed on you accountable. I have had more than 1 man try to take advantage of me financially because of my being a vulnerable widow. One of them, my former handyman, succeeded, though not anywhere near in the way that happened to you. He gained my trust and then ripped me off on a bunch of repairs, leaving me thousands of dollars out of pocket. A State agency is now going after him, though I will not get a penny back if they succeed, thanks to some weird administrative rule. It's unlikely he has any money to pay anyone back anyway. I wanted to clarify a couple of things in your responses. Firstly, my lawsuit is not about what the man who sexually assaulted me did, although there is a chance what he did may be uncovered. My lawsuit is about the ridiculous and inappropriate standard to which I was held, compared to other people who did not get into any trouble at all. Secondly, there are different degrees of sex assault and the man I wrote about did not rape me. The degrees of sex assault vary from State to State. I think what the man I encountered did would qualify as 3rd degree sex assault in my State, because it involved strong compulsive force. I did not, and still do not, want to get him in trouble. I would rather resolve it with him directly and am extremely frustrated that the unethical and malicious actions of my former employer have stalled my ability to find peace in the way that I want. There aren't many places I can vent about this, so I am grateful for this forum. My reaction to what my work colleague (if I can call him a colleague) did is complicated by the fact that I was grieving for my husband and trying to honor his memory. I'm not sure what my husband would have thought of this. He was a highly respected consultant neuropsychologist who did not suffer fools gladly. He was intelligent, funny and irreverent. I miss him terribly, but would not want him to return in the condition he left. He was very unwell and struggling to cope.

My husband died 3 years ago. He had been planning to move with me from where we were living in the UK to another country, halfway around the world where I had accepted a job. He had been suffering chronic health problems for years and his health had been declining. Both of us wanted to leave the UK and I thought a new start might turn things around for him. Instead, he wound up in hospital after we'd accepted an offer on our house and died after struggling for 5 very difficult weeks. I had already resigned from my job in the UK and agreed to start my new job by the given deadline. I had a very short time to plan his funeral, clear our things out of the house, and plan to move my self and our dog to our new location. I packed 2 large suitcases and put the rest of my things and, some of my husband's, into storage after a large clear-out. I didn't know anyone in my new location, but wound up in a nice neighborhood with neighbors who welcomed me with dinners and friendly chats on the street. I was numb with grief and didn't really want to socialize much anyway. I started my new job 2 weeks after arriving in my new location. It was a welcome distraction. I was forced to resign from my job a little over a year ago, due to a new manager who falsely accused me of misconduct. A lawyer took my case on contingency and is working to help me reestablish my professional reputation. Last spring, I found out that the actions of a male work colleague, while I was still working for the employer, amounted to sex assault. I was trying to grieve the loss of my husband when the incident happened (a little over 2 years ago) and, although I liked him and felt a spark with him, did not want him to do what he did. I even tried to pull away, but he would not let me go. I was terribly vulnerable and spent months thinking he wanted to ask me out, but was giving me time and space to grieve for my husband, which I needed. I wanted to grieve for at least a year before I started dating. I later found out he is married. I am not promiscuous. I feel terribly humiliated by him and have been told I have PTSD. I feel I have betrayed my husband's memory because my focus changed from him during a time I was grieving for him to someone who did not respect me. I did not and still do not want to get this man in trouble. However, I have long wanted to say something to him about the tremendous distress he has caused me. I tried to bring it up with him before I lost my job. I have written him a letter, but have been warned that I should not communicate with him until my legal dispute is resolved. I cannot imagine him sharing my letter with his employer’s legal counsel because he could lose his job. It is very distressing to me to have to have suffered so much, without his being made aware of the amount of distress he has caused me. Has anyone else on this forum experienced anything like this? What did you do?