Alisa

Thank you kayc!! I'm a hippie at heart and definitely old school. LOL I use that in my classroom a lot to encourage my students to see that it is "cool" to be "peaceful".

Thank you kayc. I feel so much stronger knowing I have somewhere to turn. I sometimes feel so alone I become desperate and hopeless. I will read your thread. Hugs!!!

Thank you KAYC!! Your words and support mean the world to me. Unfortunately, I have no support so reaching out to beautiful people like yourself is priceless.

Beautifully put MartyT and thank you for replying to my questions. It is definitely zapping me of my energy and desire for just loving life. I will definitely read the two articles you suggest. I find that just this communication is very comforting and helping me release that feeling of hopelessness and sadness that sometimes comes over me like a tidal wave. I was afraid to admit that I possessed feelings of not only loss and sadness but also resentment but now I am embracing it and will hopefully work through it. I'll keep you posted. Thank you so very much! Peace and love... Alisa

MartyT... your words mean a great deal to me. Thank you for taking the time to share your expertise and your compassion. Your input truly helps me as I find my way out of this mess and hopefully emerge a whole woman again to enjoy life. I agree that he needed "things" and I was the provider but those things were not love and dedication but money and transportation and a roof over his head so he could get out from under his mother's roof. I also agree that he had no respect for my contributions because he never uttered an apology after destroying cars and furniture and using my money to support his bad habits while he sat home and slept all day and played video games all night, gambled, drank, etc. I see you are a grief counselor so I hope it's ok that I ask this question... I am struggling a bit of resentment. While his mother and himself were recipients of welfare and food stamps and neither of them either worked she had her house she lived in for 40 years and possibly money stashed and/or life insurance and now he will benefit from it all and be able to live carefree with no responsibilities and I have to pick up the pieces both financially and emotionally. I am blessed to be able to have a great teaching career but yet I feel this resentment. I don't like feeling this way. How do I move past this horrible mindset? Peace and love... Alisa

Thank you so much!!!!!!! I absolutely love the "no sugar coating" concept. I am a grown woman and appreciate honesty even if it hurts. I hope I am typing in the correct places... LOL. l am new to this forum concept so thank you for finding me and replying. I have no real support structure so this is such a blessing for me even though we truly don't know each other. Also, I am fully aware I am not perfect so I recognize my short comings in a relationship and always try to improve. I just couldn't seem to do enough and even all I did provide was always wiped away if I had to say no to something. It is just so hard not to begin to second guess yourself as time passes and wonder "what if"... what if I had bought that car for him... again and would we be together or would he have driven off into the sunset. Anyway... I don't measure love based on material possessions but he did. He felt there was a direct relationship between them. I also agree time to heal is critical. I truly appreciate your kind words as well and have already read and reread your message and know I will return to it often for support when I feel weak. Thank you again for your kindness and I will work on your advice as I feel that will propel me into a better place. Peace and love... Alisa

Good morning, I am a newby here on the site and am reaching out in hopes of some clarity. I have been reading the posts and it just all seems to clear when we read the trials of others, but when we are in the thick of it ... all seems so cloudy and confusing. I'm going to make my story brief and will anxiously await responses which I hope will provide some comfort. After a 20 year marriage and a couple unsuccessful relationships I found myself in a relationship with a younger man. I initially rejected the idea, however, after much pushing and convincing from him I decided to relax and just let fate take its course. We both had a much different course in life, however, I was not and am not judgmental and am a true nurturer so when he moved in I was not concerned but a bit swept off my feet thinking "how romantic". He ended his job selling used cars saying it was a dead end job and I was happy to support his choice both emotionally and financially suggesting he take the time to build a "career". Prior to moving in with me he had been living at home with his mom and did not have transportation. We began sharing my car until I purchased a second car. Unfortunately, he had accidents with both leaving us with one car again and still no progress towards a job or career. He played video games all night and slept all day while I supported him and his "habits" and went to work every day. I began to see him blaming me for his lack of forward movement for some reason and tensions grew along with arguments and periods of great silence. He said he never asked for money but I paid for everything and never asked for him to participate. I was close with his mom and also some of his family and they were very supportive of me with him and often said he had really changed for the better. As I began to question and suggest he developed a cold side and very sharp edge with me. Right up to the end I paid for everything and bought him new phones along with other things. He began to say he needed a car of his own and wanted me to buy it. At this point he had been moving in and out after our fights but also returned. I did not feel comfortable buying a car for a man who didn't even live with me or made any commitment. He said I was selfish only thinking of myself and how could I ask him for a "normal relationship" when I couldn't even get him a car. We continued to see each other off and on and he would disappear for days and weeks sometimes. Suddenly his mom got sick and I began to help with her situation with doctors and getting her supplies, etc. until one night he calls me up and tells me his mother passed away two days ago. I was shocked and hurt he didn't even reach out to me. He hung up quickly and when I reached out again he rejected my offer for support and help and essentially "dumped me". Of course I craved answers and wondered if maybe now he might have some money and the house she owned and just didn't need me any more. I just needed answers and I knew that wouldn't happen. He never choose to converse he just shut down most of the time. Oddly enough, a week after the death I get a text with pictures of his tax papers and not words, however, I knew he was wanting me to do his taxes... we had discussed this a couple weeks prior. What a strange thing to do... ask a girl you broke up with to do your taxes... I thought. Then many hours later he text thank you. I have stopped reaching out to him and I just replied "you are welcome" where I usually would begin "begging" for resolution. Now, of course, I have begun to build in my mind maybe I didn't do enough and maybe if I had bought that car for him things would be different. I ask the same questions we all ask... why no closure and why cut out of your life during a time of sorrow a person who loves you and you are suppose to love? Needless to say days and nights are painful and truly taking a toll on me. I'd love some input because as you can imagine I now am beginning to doubt myself and my actions. It is always so much easier to see clearly when it isn't happening directly to you. Alisa