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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Boho-Soul

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Husband
  • Date of Death
    December 10, 2020
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Canada

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  1. I haven’t heard of Boli, perhaps it’s a US thing and not in Canada. What is it? ... I googled - it’s probably similar to the Canadian Human Rights Commission
  2. It sucks when friends don’t have time for you, and you need to talk things out. Maybe I need some new friends. I returned to work a month ago with modifications for part-time work & reduced driving time. My Dr determined it was best to support my healing, and stated it was due to a medical concern as he isn’t obligated to provide details. My manager needed more clarification, because she said when my Dr wrote I was to work only 2.5 days a weeks it wasn’t clear enough. My Dr thought that was ridiculous but was glad to detail what 2.5 days a week meant. My Dr has extended this for another month and HR department is now wanting further clarification as to why I need these specific modifications. I just need time to heal from my trauma response & this is causing me undue stress. My friends don’t have time to talk & one friend just sent a text saying, “I feel bad you’re going through this.” It’s nice to hear but it’s not enough. Well, that’s my latest rant. I know things will get better, but the road to better sucks.
  3. My husband was in hospital when he died too, but initial autopsy couldn’t determine cause of death. After the initial autopsy they told me there was no sign of heart attack or stroke, and no infections or blood clots were found. Those are the big ones. So it went to secondary autopsy. Our family doctor said people pass from either cardiac arrest (not the same as heart attack-it just means the heart stops) or respiratory failure, which means they stop breathing. The reasons why vary (ie. respiratory failure can occur if one has pneumonia). The hospital team couldn’t even tell me if he experienced cardiac arrest or respiratory failure, which seems ridiculous to me. If I knew which one he experienced and was just waiting for the reason why, that would be better than being in the dark. I’m glad I found this place to express my stuff even if few can understand or relate to my situation. It’s not the same as a face-to-face support group, however I’m thankful all the same.
  4. Thanks for your response Gwenivere I was issued a death certificate within days, which was beneficial in dealing with specific things. In Canada though, life insurance companies need cause of death before they can process a claim, so it’s waiting for the medical examiner to write the report and send it along with a specific cause of death certificate. That’s what I’m waiting on to then give to the insurance company. Perhaps it’s delayed due to covid. Yes, I’ve made calls, but was told to wait. Initially I was sent a form to fill out to indicate if I wanted a copy of the report. I ticked off the ‘yes’ box and sent them the required $55, and now I continue to wait. The accompanying letter stated the wait would be 6-12 months, but people I’ve talked to said they received it in 4 or 6 months. The fact it’s now going into month 10 is beyond cruel.
  5. I don’t like this day - 9.11 This was the event that caused my late husband to spiral into a severe depression, which then affected our marriage. I’m now understanding that it was his unmedicated mental illness that destroyed our relationship, not him. The core of who he truly was, well he was an incredible man. Today my emotions are all over the place - anger is back, sadness, feelings I can’t even find the words for. It’s been over 9 months and still no medical report, so I’m still waiting for cause of death. It’s taking a mental toll on me. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this because they either can’t relate to the complexities of my situation or they share their challenges of life and I’m not emotionally strong enough to hear their struggles. I’m still dealing with the hoarding issues at both our/my properties and I’m overwhelmed. I’m getting some help from generous friends, but they have lives and families so I don’t want to impose on them to much. I could hire professionals but that takes $$$ and finances are tight. If the medical report would come I could complete legal issues such as life insurance and that would help. This is one hard road and not how I want to live my life. Hopefully when the dust settles I can create the life that serves me better than what I’m living right now. Long post, but I had to get it out.
  6. Wonderful post ☺️thx for sharing Missy How were you able to feel close to God during your grieving to hear him speak to your heart? I struggle to feel close to God since my husband’s passing.
  7. It just ridiculous. And cruel. It’s been almost 8 months since my husband died, it was something unforeseen & unknown and so a 2nd autopsy had to be done to determine the cause. I paid to receive a full report, obviously I need answers to help get closure on his death. I’ve yet to receive it and it’s taking a toll on me mentally, emotionally & physically. It’s cruel that the medical examiner knows and I have to wait 😒 And I’m starting to realize the impact his depression had on me while we were married. I’m still dealing with, and trying to heal from the loss of my marriage while he was alive. I continue to struggle on how to untangle myself from all this. I just want my life back so I can move on without the past weighing me down. It’s strange how some of my friends have made themselves unavailable, I contact them and get ghosted. Didn’t expect I’d lose friends, it’s like they don’t won’t to see me incase ‘death-of-spouse’ might be contagious. The 2 close friends I do see only have time for brief visits, they have lives with their husbands & families beyond seeing me. I may have to make some new friends.
  8. Gwenivere, Yes, skin hunger - I heard it called touch starved and I definitely feel it. I even miss the small touches of my late husband, like holding his hand *sigh* I hug my daughter & my new 4 month old grandson (he’s a bundle of love that sweet li’l boy). I’m thankful about that but it’s not quite the same as that intimate hug from a spouse. I’m with you - I’ll accept all hugs that are offered which is limited due to Covid as I’m in quite a deficit right now 🤗
  9. Hey Capricorn1 I googled grounding or earthing, it’s very interesting. Reminds me of when I was a child digging in the soil & gardening when I became an adult. I always feel good when I’m in nature. I plan to finally create a sanctuary in my yard this summer which I’m sure will be very therapeutic 🌸🌳
  10. I’ve only had one session, and I’ll book another. It’s self paced basically, so you go as much as you feel you need or want to. Once a certain emotion from a specific event is released it’s gone. So if one had anger for one event that was released it’s done, but one might still have anger regarding another situation or event. Each emotion released is connected to a body part where the trapped emotion was stored, so physical healing will also occur. It’s rather interesting. Hopefully it’s beneficial for me
  11. Update: Well the pain in my solar plexus continued to the point of getting sick, so on the 2 day of this I got an appointment at Primary Health Network. The doc couldn’t definitively determine what it was, but did a bunch of test to make sure it wasn’t H-pylori or another nasty bug. Also got a Covid test. Everything came back negative which was good news, and the pain is now gone. Since then I remembered something a friend told me about 3 years ago called Emotion Code which helps release trapped emotions and I’ve had one session already and apparently released 6 emotions, 2 were sadness & fear. I think I’ll book a 2nd as I did feel calmer after the first one, so that’s promising.
  12. Kieron, I did a quick search, apparently the emotion of worry is associated with the solar plexus. It makes sense for me, I’ve felt worried about different aspects of my future since my late husband died, then add the pandemic on top of that. It’s hard to feel settled. I’ve used EMDR for past traumas, it was the vibrating hand paddles that I tried, helped to process unwanted or reoccurring memories. It was very effective. Don’t think it’s a modality that fits my current scenario though. I’ve researched EFT for a friend a few years back, doesn’t seem like it’s something I could buy into. Thx for your support and the links kayc. And thx for you concern Gwenivere, your input is helpful and if the discomfort continues I won’t hesitate to call my doctor.
  13. Grief in the arms - interesting. Wonder what I’m holding in my solar plexus? And, how does one release lodged emotions?
  14. I meet my late husband on this day 26 years ago, our first date was 2 days later on my birthday. *Ugh* His birthday would have been next month. My solar plexus has been hurting every night for the past 2 weeks, not sure if it’s related or not. Not happy about either situation.
  15. Thanks Ipswich & Kaye for both your responses. kayc, just to respond to your post on tips for grief: - I am seeing my Dr. for exhaustion & migraines, I see a grief therapist monthly via Zoom calls, and self-care has always been a priority in my life, but I’ve ramped it up now more than ever. - I do have a cat which keeps me company and I chat with friends on the phone. I’d like to see them more but this Covid fiasco limits that given the area I’m in, so socializing, volunteering etc. isn’t an option right now and I’m home a lot. - I recently started back to work which gets me out of the house. Out team has a lot of PPE to wear as we provide therapy for kids in schools. Everyone, our team & teachers, are in survival mode as Covid cases increase, thankfully there haven’t been any outbreaks in the schools I have on my caseload. - I feel Covid has changed the way one grieves, the limitations of not seeing friends & family even just for hugs if nothing else ‘sucks’ to put it bluntly. I feel touch starved. I see my daughter & grandson once a week, then I ache to see them for 6 days til I can see and hug them again. Ipswich, I love your last sentence. I always believed my late husband loved me even though he was unable to show it. Lately my emotions have shifted from feelings of anger and frustration to compassion as I process how much he was struggling with his depression. I too believe he loved me as much as he could. Blessings from Boho-Soul
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